Foratimetheartistseemedrather"distrait"also,asifamemoryweretroublinghim.Heoftenlookedaroundwhenanyoneentered,andhiseyesattimesrestedonIda'svacantchair.ButhesoonpassedunderthespellofJennieBurton'sgenialtalk,whichseeminglyglowedwiththesunshinethathadenvelopedherduringherquestoftheroses,andthepoorgirl,whowasfairlyquiveringwithpainbecauseofhissignificantactandwordsonthepiazza,wasforgotten.
　　Sheknewshewasforgotten.Thehumofvoices,thecheerfulclatterfromthelightedsupper-room,cameuptoherdarkeningapartment,andonlyincreasedhersenseoflonelinessandisolation.HerquickearcaughtVanBerg'smellowlaugh,evokedbyoneofMissBurton'ssallies.
　　Itisadrearysensationtofindone'sselfwhollyforgottenbymereacquaintances;buttofindthatwehavenoplaceinthethoughtsofthosewelove,seemsinacertainsenselikebeingannihilated.
　　ButforpoorIdawasreservedadeepersufferingstill,sinceshebelievedthatthemansheloveddidnotdismissherfromhismindindifferently,butratherwithaversionanddisgust.
　　Shefeltherisolationterribly.Towhomcouldsheturninhertrouble?Thethoughtofherfatherwasbothareproachandahumiliation.Hewasdriftinghopelessly,andalmostunresistingly,towardsfinalwreck,and,sofarfromseekingtorestrain,shehadaddedtotheevilimpetus.Sheshrankfromtheveryideaofconfidinginhergarrulous,superficialmother.Shefeltthathercousindetestedaswellasdespisedher.Theflatteredgirl,whoalittlebeforethoughttheworldwasatherfeet,nowfeltfriendlessandalone,scarcelytoleratedbyherownfamily,andscornedbyothers.
　　Ofcoursesheexaggeratedtheevilofherlot.Theyounganinexperiencedareeverpronetolook,forthetime,ontheearliermisfortunesoftheirlivesasirretrievable.Inafteryearstheymaysmileattheircauselessdespair;buttheworldisfulloftragediesthattothewiseandsobermindedhadslightcause.
　　Ida'stroubles,however,werescarcelyslight,andshe,aboveallothers,wastheleastfittedtobeartroubleandthwarting.Toberefusedanythingwouldbeanewanddisagreeableexperience,buttobedeniedthatwhichherheartcravedsupremely,tendedtocalloutallthepassionaterecklessnessofherungoverned,undisciplinednature.Thechildfromwhomsomethingistaken,willoftencastawayinangerallthatisofferedinitsplace;andinlikehastyfollymanyamanandwoman,totheireternalregret,havethrownawaylifeitself.Suicideisoftentheproductofpassionaswellasofdespair;theirritable,headlongprotestagainstevilsthatmighthavebeenandshouldhavebeenremedied.
　　AsIdasataloneinherdesolationandshame,thethoughtofself-destructionhadsurgedupinthelavaofothertumultuousthoughtsoccasionedbytheartist'sscorn,andatfirstshehadshrunkfromitwithnaturalandinstinctivedread.Buttheawfulthoughtbegantofascinateherlikeadizzyheightfromwhichitseemssoeasytofallandendeverything.
　　Inhermorbidconditionandtoherpoisonedimaginationtheactdidnotappearsorevoltingafterall.Shehadbeenmadefamiliarwithitinherfavoritenovels.Shehadoftenseenitsimulatedwithapplauseonthestage,withallthemelodramaticaccessorieswithwhichitisproducemereeffect.Indeed,fromhereducation,shemightalsothinkself-destructionwastheonlydignifiedandhigh-spiritedthingtodo.
　　Foratimeherthoughtstookthecoloringofhightragedy.Shewouldteachthisproudartistalessen,eventhoughatsupremecosttoherself.Ifhewouldneverloveher,shewouldmakeitcertainthathecouldnotlongerdespiseher.Shewouldwritehimaletterthatwouldharrowhisverysoul,informinghimthatshehadtakenhishintandfollowedhissuggestion.Sincehehadthrownawaytheemblemofherselfasaworthlessandunsightlything,shehadthrownherselfaway,sothatfaultlesstasteandfaultlesspeoplemightbenomoreoffendedbythepresenceofsomuchimperfection.
　　Foramomenthereyesglowedwithexultationoverhisimagineddismayashereadthismessagefromonetowhomnoreparationcouldbemade;andthenbetterandmorewholesomefeelingsresumedtheirsway.Perverted,misguided,anduncounselledasshewas,shewastooyoung,toonearthemotherheartofnature,nottoreactfromthefalseandtheeviltowardsthesimpleandthetrue.
　　Shethrewherselfuponhercouch."Oh,thatImightliveandbehappy!"shesobbed."Ifintheplaceofthebitterfrostofhiswordsandmannerhewouldgivemebutonerayofkindness,Iwouldtrytobloom,eventhoughbutapoorworm-eatenbud."
　　FrownsblightfarmoreflowersthanOctobernights.
　　ChapterXXXIII."HopediesHard."
　　Whenalonewithhisfriendaftersupper,Stantonbrokeout,"SinceIdacan'texistwithoutthesightofthatwretch,Sibley,IwishshewouldfollowhimtoNewYork.Ifshedotesonsuchscum,theyhadbetterbemarried,asfarassuchpeoplecanbe,andsorelieveherrelativesofanincubusthatiswell-nighintolerable."
　　"AreyouabsolutelysurethatshedoesdoteonSibley,andthatheisthecauseofherevidenttrouble?"askedVanBerg,withaperplexedfrownloweringonhisbrow.
　　"I'mnotsureofanythingconcerninghersavethatshewasborntomaketrouble.Iknowshewaswithhimallthetimehewashere,andsincehewasmetaphoricallykickedoffthepremisesshehassulkedinherroom.Isuppose,ofcourse,thatsheismortified,andhatestomeetpeople.Indeed,fromaremarkshemade,someonemusthavesnubbedhervigorouslyto-day;buthercoursemakeseverythingahundredfoldworse.Iambesmirchedbecauseofmyrelationship.Icanseethisinthebearingofmorethanone,andevenMissBurton,whocouldnotbeconsciouslyunkindtoanyone,keepsmeatadistancebybarriers,which,althoughseeminglyviewless,aresorealIcannotpassthem."
　　VanBergsurmisedthattheevasivetactwhichMissBurtonexercisedtowardshisfriendwasnotcausedbyhisrelationshiptoIda,andyetwascompelledtoadmitthatherfrankandfriendlybearingtowardshimselfwasscarcelylessdispiriting.Hermanner,asarule,wassoplainlythatofafriendonly,thatwereitnotforoccasionalandfurtiveglanceswhichheintercepted,hewoulddeemhisprospectslittlebetterthanStanton's,inspiteofallthathadpassedbetweenthem.Eveninthesestolen,questioning,longingglances,therewasanelementthattroubleandperplexedhim,andthestrangethoughtcrossedhismindthatwhenshelookedmostintentlyshedidnotseeHaroldVanBerg,butaninterveningvision.
　　Hermystery,however,renderedheronlythemoreattractive,andsheseemedlikeagoodangelthathadcomefromanunknownworldconcerningwhichshecouldnotspeak,andperhapshecouldnotunderstand.
　　Hersocietywaslikeadelicatewine,delightfullyexhilaratingwhileenjoyed,butwhoseeffectistransient.Hewasprovokedathimselftofindhowwellheenduredherabsence,andhowcontenthewaswiththegenuinefriendshipshewasevidentlyformingforhim.SometimesheevenlongedformoreoftheabsorbingpassionwhichhesawhadwhollymasteredStanton;buttriedtosatisfyhimselfbyreasoningthathislovewasinaccordancewithhisnature,whichwascalmandconstant,ratherthanimpulsiveandpassionate.
　　"Allthehigherfacultiesofmysoulareherallies,"hethought,complacently."Iadmirehonor,andevenreverenceher.Shecouldwalkthroughlifeasmycompanion,myequal,andinmanyrespects,mysuperior;"andsowithallthedelicateandunobtrusivetactofwhichhewasthemasterheproposedtopresshissuit.
　　SinceJennieBurtonhadplainlyintimatedthat,likeKingLear,shehadlostherwoman'skingdom——herheart——andsowasnotabletorewardsuchsuitandservice,howcameitshekeptpoorStantonatadistance,butwelcomedthesocietyofVanBerg?PossiblyherintuitionrecognizedthefactthatinthecaseofStantonshehadtouchedtheheart,buthadwonthemindoftheartist.Thefirstseemeddisposedtogiveallandtodemandall.Stanton'salldidnotcountforverymuchthusfarinherestimation.ShehadrecognizedthecharacterhehadbroughttotheLakeHouse——thatofapleasure-lovingmanoftheworld——andshewasfartoomodesttosupposethatshecouldworkanymaterialchangeinthischaracter.
　　Self-indulgentbynature,shebelievedthathehadproposedtoenjoyasummerflirtationwithonewhomhewouldeasilyforgetintheautumn,and,whilethisimpressionlasted,shepunishedhimbyrequiringthatheshouldbethechivalricattendantofeveryforlornfemaleinthehouse.Whenshebelieved,however,thatsuchheartashepossessedwastrulyinterested,shebecameasunapproachableastheafternoonhorizon,whoserichglowisseeminglynear,butcanneverbereached.Whilesherecognizedthegenuinenessofhispassion,shedidnot,asbeforeintimated,regarditasaveryseriousaffair.
　　"GooddinnersandfairerfacesthanminewillcomforthimbeforeChristmas,"shethought.
　　Fewknowthemselves——theirowncapabilitiesofjoy,suffering,orachievement.AswithIda,Stantonwasatalosstounderstandthechangesinhisowncharacter.Itwasquitepossible,therefore,thatMissBurtonshouldmisunderstandhim.Indeedhehad,asyet,butlittleplaceinhersadandpreoccupiedthoughts.
　　Forsomereason,however,VanBerg'ssocietyhadforherapeculiarfascinationthatshecouldnotresist.Shescarcelyknewwhethershederivedfromitmoreofpleasurethanofpain.Sheoftenaskedherselfthisquestion:
　　"Whichwerebetterforatravellerinthedesert——toseeamirage,orthesandsonlyinalltheirbarrenreality?"
　　Herjudgmentsaid,thelatter;butwhentheelusivemirageappeared,shelookedoftenwithalongingwistfulnessthatmightwellsuggestapilgrimthatwasathirstandfamishing.
　　Inspiteofherquickness,VanBergoccasionallycaughtsomethingofthisexpression,andwhilehedrewencouragementfromit,hewastoofreefromvanityandtooacuteanobservertoconcludethatallwouldresultashehoped.Theunwelcomethoughtwouldcomethathewasonlytheoccasionandnotthecause,ofthesefurtiveglances.Washerheartalreadyweddedtoamemory,andwassheinterestedinhimchieflybecauseforsomereasonhegavevividnessandrealitytothatmemory?Ifthisweretrue,whatmorehadhetohopeforthanStanton?Ifthisweretrue,washenotinacertainsensepursuingashadow?Woudsuccessbesuccess?Wouldhewishtoclasp,ashiswife,awomanwhosehearthadbeenburiedinasepulchrefromwhichthestonemightneverberolledaway?
　　Hisfirstimpression,thatMissBurtonhadpassedthroughsomeexperience,someordealofsufferingthatseparatedherfromordinaryhumanity,oftenreasserteditselfmorestronglythanever.
　　Attimesherflame-likespiritwouldflashupwithaglowandbrilliancythatlightedandwarmedhisverysoul,butthefeelingbegantogrowuponhimthatthisgenialfireconsumedthecostliestofallofferings——self.Didnotherownbrokenheartandshatteredhopessupplythefuel?Insteadofbroodingapartoversomemisfortunethatwouldhavecrushedmostnatures,wasshenotseekingtomakeherlifeanaltaronwhichshelaidasagifttoothersthebesttreasuresofherwoman'ssoul?
　　Themorecloselyhestudiedhercharacter,andthecontrollingimpulsesofherlife,themoresincerebecamehisadmiration,andthedeeperhisreverence.HefeltwithtruththatsheWASofdifferentandfinerclayfromhimself.
　　Sostrongwasthisimpression,thatthethoughtoccurredtohimthatinthisandkindredreasonsmightbefoundtheexplanationofthepeculiarregardhefeltforher.Hehadvirtuallyofferedhimself,andwouldagainifhecouldfindtheopportunity.Ifheweresurethehewouldwinher,hewouldexultasonemightwhohadsecuredtherevenueofakingdom,thepurestandlargestgemintheworld,orsomeotherpossessionthatwasuniqueandpriceless.Thewholeofhisstrongintellectualnaturewouldbejubilantoverthegreatsuccessofhislife.Hewasalsoconsciousthatsomeofthedeepestfeelingsofhissoulwereinterested.Shewasbecominglikeareligiontohim,andheimaginedthathisregardforherwassomewhatakintothatofadevoutCatholicforapatronsaint.
　　Andyethewascompelledtoadmittohimselfthathedidnotloverherashesupposedhewouldlovethewomanhehopedtomakehiswife.Whywashisheartsotranquilandhispulsesosteady?
　　Certainlynotbecauseofassuredsuccess.WhydidhisregarddiffersoradicallyfromStanton'sconsumingpassion?ShouldStantonwinherhefeltthathecouldstillseekhersocietyandenjoyherfriendship.Theprospectofneverwinningherhimselfdidnotroblifeofitszestandcolor.Onthecontrary,hebelievedthatshewouldeverbeaninspiration,anexquisiteidealrealizedinactuallife.Assuchhecouldnotloseheranymorethanthosewomenwhompoetry,fiction,andhistoryhadplacedasstarsinhisfirmament,andthisbeliefsocontentedhimastoawakensurprise.
　　AshereturnedfromalongandsolitarystrollonMondayeveninghesoliloquizedcomplacently,"Iammakingtoogreatamysteryofitall.Sheisnotanordinarywoman.WhyshouldIfeeltowardshertheordinaryandconventionallovewhichanywomanmightevoke?
　　Thereismoreofspiritthanoffleshandbloodinherexquisiteorganization.Sorrowhasrefinedawayeverygrossandselfishelement,andleftasainttowardswhomdevotionisfarmoreseemlyandnaturalthanpassion.Sheawakensinmearegardcorrespondingtoherownnature,andIthankheaventhatIamatleastfinelyenoughorganizedtounderstandherandsocanseektowinherinaccordancewiththesubtlelawsofherbeing.Shewouldshrinkinevitablyfromadownright,headlongpassionlikethatofStanton's,nomatterhowhonestitmightbeorhowgoodthemanexpressingit.Nohand,howeverstrong,willevergraspthis'raraavis,'
　　thisgoodangel,rather.Herwingsmustbepinionedbygossamerthreadsofpatientkindness,delicatesympathy,niceappreciation,andallwovenandwoundsounobtrusivelythattheshyspiritmaynotbestartled.WhatafoolIwastoblurtoutmyfeelingslastevening!Whatraregoodfortuneismineinthefactthatshegivesmethevantage-groundoffriendshipfromwhichtourgeasuitwhereinmustbecombinedsinceritywithconsummateskill.IfearImusteffacesomeotherimagebeforeIcanimplantmyown.HowfortunateIamthatmycoolandwell-poisednaturewillenablemetoworkundertheguidanceofjudgmentratherthanimpulse."
　　Feelingthathehadmuchtogainandwasindangerofirretrievableloss,helightlymountedthestepsofthehotel,bentonfindingatoncetheobjectofhisthoughts.
　　Hesawherleavingagroupintheparlor,ofwhichStantonwasone,andhehastenedtointerceptherinthehall-way.Justashewasabouttospeaktoher,Mr.Burleighcamebustlingupandsaid:
　　"MissBurton,astranger——nottofameorfortune,nortoyouprobably,butastrangertome——isinquiringforyou——astrangerfromtheSouth.Hewouldnotgivehisname,and——goodheaven,MissBurton!areyouill?"
　　VanBergledherintoaprivateparlornear.Shecertainlyhadgrownverywhiteandfaint.Butafteramomenttherecameaflashofhopeandeagerexpectationintoherfacethatnowordscouldhaveexpressed.
　　"Hisname——hisname?"shegasped.
　　Mr.Burleighlookedatherasecond,andthensaid:"Stayquietlyhere,I'llbringhimtoyou;andthen,Mr.VanBerg,perhapsyouandImightformanenormouscrowd."
　　"HadInotbetterleaveyouatonce?"theartistaskedwhentheywerealone.
　　"Waitamoment.I——I——amveryweak.Itcannotbe——buthopedieshard."
　　Tremblinglikealeaf,andwitheyesaflamewithintense,eagerhope,shewatchedthedoor.
　　AmomentlaterMr.Burleighusheredinamiddle-agedgentleman,whocommencedsaying:
　　"Pardonme,MissBurton,fornotsendingmyname,butyouwouldnothaveknownit"——thentheyounglady'sappearancecheckedhim.
　　Theeffectofhiscomingwasindeedstriking.Itwasasifagustofwindhadsuddenlyextinguishedalamp.Theluminouseyesclosedforamoment,andthefacebecamesopallidandasheninitshueastosuggestdeath.ItwasevidenttoVanBergthatherdisappointmentwasmorebitterthandeath.
　　"MissBurtontookalongwalkthisafternoon,"hesaid,hastily,"and,Ifear,wentmuchbeyondherstrength.Perhapsshehadbetterseeyouto-morrow."
　　"Oh,certainly,certainly;Iwillremain,ifthereisneed,"thegentlemanbegan.
　　ByastrongandevidenteffortMissBurtonregainedself-control,andsaid,withafaintsmilethatplayedoverherfaceamomentlikeagleamofwintrysunshine:
　　"Youstrongmenoftencallwomenweak,andwe,toooften,proveyouright.AsMr.VanBergsuggests,Iamalittleovertaxedto-night.
　　PerhapsIhadbetterseeyouinthemorning."
　　"Iamatransientguest,andoughttobeonmywaywiththefirsttrain,"saidthegentleman."Myerrandisasbriefasitisgratefultome.Donotleave,sir,"hesaidtoVanBerg."IfyouareafriendofMissBurtonitwillbepleasantforyoutohearwhatIhavetosay;and,Iwarrantyouthatshewillnevertellyounoranyoneelseherself."
　　"MayIstay?"heasked.
　　Shefeltsoweakandunnerved,soinneedofasustaininghandandmindthatshelookedathimappealingly,andsaid:
　　"Yes.ThisgentlemancannotdisgracememorethanIhavemyselfthisevening."
　　"Disgraceyou!MissBurton,"exclaimedthegentleman."Yournameisahouseholdwordinourhome,andourhonorforitisonlyexcelledbyourlove.Youremembermyinvaliddaughter,EmilyMusgrave——ouronlyandunfortunatechild.Sheattendedthecollegeinwhichyouareaninstructress.Beforeshecameunderyourinfluenceherinfirmitieswerecrushingherspiritandembitteringherlife.Somorbidwasshebecomingthatsheapparentlybegantohatehermotherandmyselfastheauthorsofherwretchedexistence.
　　Butbysomedivinemagicyousweetenedthebitterwatersofherlife,andnowsheisafountainofjoyinourhome.Inherbehalfandhermother's,Ithankyou;andevenmore,ifpossible,inmyownbehalf,forthereproachful,avertedfaceofmychildwaskillingme;"andtearsstoodinthestrongman'seyes.
　　TherewasnothingconventionalinthewayinwhichJeannieBurtonreceivedhiswarmgratitude.Sheleanedwearilybackinherchair,andforamomentclosedhereyes.Therewasfarmoreresignationthanofpleasureinherface,andshehadtheairofonesubmittingtoafatewhichonecouldnotandoughtnottoresist.
　　"Yourthreelivesaremuchhappierthen?"shesaid,gently,asifwishingtohearthereassuringtruthagain.
　　"Youdonotrealizeyourservicetous,"saidMr.Musgrave,eagerly.
　　"Ourliveswerenothappyatall.Thereseemednothingbeforeusbutincreasingpain.Youhavenotaddedtoahappinessalreadyexistingmerely,buthavecausedustoexchangepositivesufferingforhappiness.Emilyseemstohavelearnedtheartofmakingeverydayofourlivesablessing,andshesaysyoutaughtherhow.I
　　wouldgoaroundtheworldtosaytoyou,'Godblessyouforit!'"
　　"Suchassurancesoughttomakeoneresigned,ifnotcontent,"
　　shemurmuredinalowtone,asifhalfspeakingtoherself.Thenrising,byanevidenteffort,shecordiallygaveherhandtoMr.
　　Musgrave,andsaid:
　　"Yousee,sir,thatIamscarcelymyselfto-night.IthinkIcouldgiveyouabetterimpressionofyourdaughter'sfriendto-morrow.
　　Givehermysincereloveandcongratulations.SheisevidentlybearingherburdenbetterthanImine.Youcannotknowhowmuchgoodyourwordshavedonemeto-night.Ineededthem,andtheywillhelpmeforyearstocome."
　　Thegentleman'seyesgrewmoistagain,andhesaid,huskily:
　　"Iknowyouareratheraloneintheworld,butifitshouldeverhappenthatthereisanythingthatIcoulddoforyouwereIyourfather,callonJohnMusgrave.There,Icannottrustmyselftospeaktoyouanymore,thoughIhavesomuchtosay.Good-night,andgood-by;"andhemadeaveryprecipitateretreat,thoroughlyovercomebyhiswarmSouthernheart.
　　"Idreadtoleaveyoulookingsosadandill,orelseIwouldsaygood-nightalso,"saidVanBerg.
　　Shestartedasifshehadhalfforgottenhispresence,andkeptherfaceavertedasshereplied:
　　"Iwillsaygood-nighttoyou,Mr.VanBerg.Iwouldprovepoorcompanythisevening."
　　"BeforeyougoIwishtothankyouforlettingmestay,"hesaid,hastily."AsMr.Musgraveasserted,youwouldindeedneverhavetoldmewhatIhaveheard,andyetIwouldnothavemissedhearingitformorethanyouwillbelieve.Howmanyliveshaveyoublessed,JennieBurton?"
　　"Notverymany,Ifear,butIhalfwishIknew.Eachonewouldbelikeanargument."
　　"Argumentsthatshouldprovethatyououghttoletthedeadpastburyitsdead,andliveinthericherpresent,"hesaid,earnestly.
　　"Thericherpresent!"sherepeatedslowly,andherfacegrewalmoststerninitsreproach.
　　"Forgiveme——inthepresentyousoenrich,then,"hesaid,eagerly.
　　Againsheavertedherface,andhesawthatforsomereasonshewishedtoavoidhiseyes.
　　"Iamtooweakandunnervedtodomorethansaygood-nightagain,"
　　shesaid,tryingtosmile."Youarefastlearningthatifyouwouldbemyfriendyoumustbeapatientandgenerousone."
　　"ThankheavenIcametotheLakeHouse!"ejaculatedtheartistashestrolledoutintothestar-light.Thankheavenforthisminglingmysteryandcrystalpurity.Itdoesmegoodtotrusther.Thereisadeepandabidingjoyintheverygenerositysheinspires.I
　　amlearningthespellunderwhichEmilyMusgravecame.Buthowstrangeitallis!Sheexpectedsomeoneto-night,whomshewouldhavewelcomedassheneverwillme."TheonlyrivalIhavetofearmaynotbedead,asIsupposed,andyetmyperverseheartismorefullofpityforherthanjealousy.IhadnoideathatIwascapableofsuchself-abnegation.Hasshetheartofspiritualalchemy,andsocantransmutenaturesfullofalloyintofinegold?"
　　VanBergwasanacuteobserver,andhadlargeacquaintancewiththeworldinwhichhelived,anditsinhabitants.Hewasinthemain,however,anunknownquantitytohimself.
　　ChapterXXXIV.Puzzled.
　　TuesdaywasdrearyenoughtomorethanoneattheLakeHouse.
　　Cloudscoveredthesky,yettheygavelittlepromiseoftherainwhichthethirstyearthsoneeded.ToIda,asshelookedoutlateinthemorning,theyseemedlikealeadenwallaroundher,shuttingoffallavenuesofescape.
　　Hermotherjoinedherasshewentdowntoacoldanddismalbreakfast,longafteralltheotherguestshadleftthedining-room,andshecommencedfrettingandfuming,aswashercustomwhentheworlddidnotarrangeitselftosuithermood.
　　"Everythingisonthebiasto-day,"shesaid,"andyoumostofallfromyourappearance.IwishIcouldseethingsstraightenedoutforonce.Thelittleschool-ma'am,whoturnseverybody'shead,issickinherroom,anddidnotcomedowntobreakfast.ThereforewehadaQuakermeeting.Ifyouhadbeenpresentwithyourlongface,theoccasionwouldhavebeenoneofoppressivesolemnity.Ikappearedasdejectedasifheweretobeexecutedbeforedinner,andscarcelyateamouthful;Ineversawafellowsochangedinallmylife.Althoughyourartistfriendhadarapt,absorbedlook,hewasstillabletoabsorbagooddealofsteakandcoffee.I
　　sawhimandMissBurtonemergefromaprivateparlorlastnight,andheprobablyunderstandsMissBurton'smaladybetterthantherestofus.Why——what'sthematter?WouldtoheavenIunderstoodyourmaladybetter!Areyousick?"
　　"Yes,"saidIda,risingabruptlyfromthetable,"Iamsick——sickofmyself,sickoftheworld."
　　"Goodgracious!"exclaimedMrs.Mayhew,sharply,"areyousowraptupinthatfellowSibley,thatyoucan'tlivewithouthim?"
　　Idamadeaslightbutexpressivegestureofprotestanddisgust;
　　thensaid,inalowtone,asiftoherself:"Ifmyownmothersomisjudgesme,whatcanIexpectofothers?"
　　Mrs.Mayhewfollowedherdaughtertoherroomwithaperplexedandworriedlook.
　　"Ida,"shebegan,"youarealloutofsorts;youarebilious;you'vegotthishorridmalaria,thatthedoctorsarealwaystalkingabout,inyoursystem.Letmesendforourcityphysician,DoctorBetts.
　　Neverwassuchamanatdiagnosis.Heseemstolookrightinsideofoneandseeeverythingthat'sgoingonwrong."
　　"Forheaven'ssakedon'tsendforhimthen!"exclaimedIda.
　　Mrs.Mayhewlookedaskanceatherdaughteramoment,andthenaskedbluntly:
　　"Why?What'sgoingonwronginyou?"
　　"Idonotknowofanythingthat'sgoingonright,——touseyourownphraseology."
　　"Youmeantosay,then,thatthereissomethingwrong?"
　　"Youintimatedatthebreakfast-tablethateverythingwasgoingwrong.Soithasseemedtome,forsometime.Butcome,mother,drugscan'treachmytrouble,andsoyoucan'thelpme.Youmustleavemetomyself."
　　"Ithinkyoumighttellyourownmotherwhatisthematter,"whinedMrs.Mayhew.
　　"IthinkImightalso,"saidIda,coldly."ItisnotmyfaultbutmygreatmisfortunethatIcannot."
　　AtthisMrs.Mayhewwhimpered:"Youareverycrueltotalktomeinthatway."
　　"IsupposeI'meverythingthat'sbad,"Idaansweredrecklessly.
　　"Thatseemstobethegeneralverdict.PerhapsitwouldbebestforyouallwereIoutoftheway.IcanscarcelyrememberwhenIhavehadafriendlylookfromanyone.Thingscouldnotbemuchworsewithmethantheyarenow.IthinkIwouldlikeachange,andmayhaveaverydecidedone."Thenseizingherhat,shelefthermothertoherself.