"Touchofdyspepsia,likeenough.However,Sibleywillbehereinafewminutesandhewillcheerherup,neverfear.I'mdisgustedwithherthatshetakessotothatfellow;foralthoughnosaintmyself,Ican'tstomachhim."
　　AtthementionofSibley'sname,VanBergfrowned,turnedonhisheelandwalkedaway.
　　"IfStantonisrightaboutthatfellow'spoweroverher,"hemuttered,"I'lltearupthesketchImadethisafternoonandnevergiveheranotherthought."
　　ThemomentIdabecameconsciousofVanBerg'sobservanteyesherlanguorpassedaway.Shehadscarcelyglancedathimwhileatdinner,butshehadfelt,bysomesubtlepowerofperception,thathewasfurtivelywatchingher,andshealsofelttherewasmoreofcuriositythankindlinessinhisregard.Withaninstinctasstrongasthatofself-preservation,shesoughttohidehersecret,andwhenafewmomentslaterthestagewasdriventothedoor,shewaspreparedtowelcomethemanshenowdetested,inordertoconcealherheartfromthemansheloved.
　　VanBerg,leaningagainstapillarnear,sawMr.Mayhewwithhissallow,listlessfaceandlifelesstreadmountthestepstogreethiswifeanddaughter;but,beforehecouldtakeIda'shand,Sibley,insnowylinenandacoatfromwhichthestainsanddustofearthseemedeverkeptmiraculously,brushedpasthim,andseizingthedaughter'shand,exclaimed:
　　"YouseeI'vekeptmypromise,andamhere."Andthenhewhisperedinherear:"ByJupiter,MissIda,youlooklikeahourijustfromParadiseto-night."
　　Mr.Mayhewpausedamomentandlookedfromtheforwardyouthtohisdaughter'sscarletface,frownedheavily,andthengaveherandhermotheraverycoolgreetingbeforepassingontohisroom.
　　IdacouldnotforbearstealingalookatVanBerg,andherfacegrewpaleagainassheencounteredhisscornfulglance.Pridewasoneofherpredominanttraits,andhismannertouchedittothequick.Sheresolvedtoreturnhimscornforscorn,andtoshowhimthatinspiteofherheartthathadturnedagainstherandbecomehisally,shecouldstillbeheroldgayself.ThereforeshegaveSibleybackhisbadinageinkind;andinreparteethatwasbrightandsharpaswellasreckless,sheansweredthecomplimentsofothergayyoungfellowswhoalsogatheredaroundher.
　　"DidInottellyouSibleywouldreviveher?"Stantonremarkedastheywentdowntosupper."SuchhumdrumfellowsasyouandIarenottothetasteofonewhohasbeenbroughtuponadietofcayennepepperandchocolatecream."
　　"Butwhatkindofblooddoessuchadietmake?"
　　"Judgeforyourself.Itlookswellasitcomesandgoesinaprettyface."
　　"Lookhere,Stanton,"saidVanBerg,pausingatthediningroomdoor;"thereisthatSibleyatourtable."
　　"Oh,certainly!HeclaimstobeIda'sfriend,andyouseethatMrs.Mayhewisverygracioustohim.He'srich,andwillinherithisfather'sbusinessalso;andmysagaciousauntinquiresnofurther."
　　"Stanton,webothfeethatheisnotfittositatthesametablewithMissBurton."
　　"Youareright,Van,"Stantonrepliedwithadeepflush;"butIcandonothingwithoutdrawingattentiontomyrelatives.Afterall,itisonlyacasualandtransientassociationinapublicplace,overwhichwehavenocontrol.Whilesheseemstooneartohimthereyouknowthatheavenisasneartohellastheyaretoeachother.ForthesakeofpoorMr.Mayhew,iffornooneelse,letthematterpass."
　　"Verywell,Stanton;butitmustnothappensoanotherweek;"andthentheyoungmenwhohadwithdrawnintothehall-wayentered,buttheexpressionofcoldnessanddispleasuredidnotwhollypassfromtheirfaces.
　　ChapterXXIII.JennieBurton's"Remedies."
　　FortunatelyMr.Mayhewhadbeenplacedatthesupper-tablenexttoMissBurton,andVanBergspeedilybecameabsorbedinwatchingtheimpressionmadeoneachotherbythesetwocharactersthatweresoutterlydiverse.ItneededbutaglancetoseethatMr.Mayhewwasaheavy-hearted,broken-spiritedman.Hisshrunkeninanimatefeatures,andslight,bentform,lookedallthemoredimandshadowyincontrastwithhisstout,floridwife,whoeveninpublicscarcelymorethantoleratedhispresence.ThiseveningshedevotedherselftoSibley,whosatbetweenherandherdaughter.
　　Mr.Mayhewseemedunusuallydepressedevenforhim,andbegantomakeasupperonlyinform.JennieBurtonstoleafewshyglancesathissallowface,andseemedtofindanattractioninitshecouldnotresist.Twohandsomeloverssatnearher,butsheevidentlyforgotthemwhollysavewhentheyaddressedher;andshewooedtheelderlymanathersidewithconsummatetactandgrace.
　　Atfirsthewasunconsciousofherpresence.Shewasbutanotherhumanatom,andofnomoreinteresttohimthanthechaironwhichshesat.Mechanicallyhedeclinedoneortwothingsshepassedtohim,andinanabsentmannerrepliedtothefewcasualremarksbywhichshesoughttoengagehiminconversation.Atlastshesaid,inavoicethatwasindescribablywinningandsympathetic:
　　"Mr.Mayhew,yoursultryweekintownhasweariedyou.Ourcountryairwilldoyougood."
　　Therewassomuchmoreinhertonesthaninherwordsthatheturnedtolookather,andthen,forthefirsttime,becameawarethathewasnotsittingatthesideofanordinary,well-bredlady.
　　"Countryairisgoodasfarasitgoes,"hesaidslowly,scanningherfaceashespoke;"butitdoesnotmakemuchdifferencewithme."
　　"Thereareotherremedies,"sheresumedinherlowgentletone,"which,liketheair,arenotexactlytangible,andyetaremorepotent."
　　"Indeed,"hesaid,thedawninginterestdeepeninginhisface;
　　"whatarethey?"
　　"Idonotmeantotellyou,"sherepliedwithalittlepiquantnodandsmile."I'velearnedbetterthanthosepeoplewhohaveadozeninfalliblemedicinesattheirtongues'endforeverytroubleunderheaven.Inevernamemyremedies;forifIdid,peoplewouldturnawayincontemptforsuchcommonplacesimples."
　　"Icanguessoneofthemalready,"hesaidwithapleasedlightcomingintohiseyes.
　　"Soquickly,Mr.Mayhew?Idoubtit."
　　"Kindness,"hesaid,inalowtone.
　　"Well,"sherepliedwithaslightflush,"Icanstoutlyassertthatthisremedydidmegoodwhenallthelong-nameddrugsinthe'MateriaMedica'couldnothavehelpedme."
　　Helookedathersearchinglyamoment,andthensaidinthesamelowtone:
　　"Andsoyouaretryingtoapplyyourremedytome?Itcertainlyisverygoodofyou.Mostpeoplewhentheyarecured,throwawaythemedicine,forgettinghowmanyothersaresick."
　　"Perhapswecanneverexactlysaywearecuredinthislife;butIthinkwecanallgetbetter."
　　"Itdependsagreatdealuponthedisease,"hereplied,withashrug.
　　"No,Mr.Mayhew,"shesaid;and,althoughhertonewaslow,itwasalmostpassionateinitsearnestness."Godforbidthatthereshouldbeadiseasewithoutaremedy."
　　Heagainlookedatherwithapeculiarexpression,andthenslowlyturnedtowardhiswifeanddaughter.Mrs.Mayhewwastoopreoccupiedtoheedhim,andSibleywasjustsaying:
　　"MissIda,Iclaimyouforthefirstwaltzthisevening,andonlywishthatitwouldlastindefinitely."
　　"Pardonmeforsayingittoonesoyoungandhopefulasyourself,MissBurton,"Mr.Mayhewresumedgloomily,"butthatwhichbothGodandgood-senseforbidseemsthethingmostsuretotakeplaceinthisworld."
　　Althoughsodissimilar,deepandsadexperiencesmadethemkin,andMissBurtonfoundshemustmakeaneffortnottolettheirthoughtscolortheirwordstoodarklyforthetimeandplace.
　　"Ishallnotletyoudestroymyfaithinmyold-fashionedsimples,"
　　shesaidintonesthatwerelighterthanhermeaning."Youmustnotbesurethatbecauseyouaresomuchmysenior,allmycomplaintshavebeenmerelychildren'stroubles.Appearancesareoftenmisleading,youknow."
　　"Notinyourcase,Ithink,MissBurton.Ihavelostfaithinalmosteverything,andmostofallinmyself;butthisunexpectedlittletalkhastouchedmedeeperthanyoucanknow,andIcannothelphavingfaithinyou."
　　"Iwillbelieveit,"shesaidwithasmile,"ifyouwillgivemealittleofyoursocietybeforeyougobacktothecity."
　　Helookedatherwithsuddensuspicion."Doyoumeanwhatyousay?"
　　"Ido."
　　"Whydoyouwishmysociety?"
　　Shehesitated.
　　Hisfacedarkenedstillmore,forherememberedwhathewas,andhowlittlethisyoungandlovelygirlhadincommonwithhim.
　　"Answermetruly,"heinsisted;"whyshouldyouwishmysociety?
　　I'venotaparticleofvanity.IknowwhatIam,andyouundoubtedlyknowalso.Ifyouwishtoadvisemeandpreachatme,letmetellyouplainlybutcourteouslythatyourefforts,however,wellintentioned,wouldbeinvain,andnotaltogetherwelcome.Icanconceiveofnootherreasonwhyyoushouldwishformysociety."
　　Herfacebecameverypale,butshelookedhimfullinhiseyesasshereplied:
　　"Idonotwishtopreachoradviseatall.Canyounotunderstandthatonemayeaseone'sownpainbytryingtorelievethesufferingofanother?NowyouseehowselfishIam."
　　Hisfacesoftenedinstantly,andhesaid:
　　"MissBurton,thatistoodivineaphilosophyformetograspatonce.Astheworldgoesnow,Ithinkyouarefoundingaschoolofyourown.Youwillfindmeaneagerlistener,ifnotanaptscholar,wheneveryouwillhonormewithyourcompany."Andsmilinghisthanksheroseandleftthetable.
　　Thisconversationhadbeencarriedonintonestoolowandquiettobeheardbyothersinthecrowdedandnoisydining-room.VanBerg,whosatopposite,hadtakenpainsnottofollowitandtoappearoblivious,andyethecouldnotrefrainfromobservingitsgeneraldriftandscopeinMr.Mayhew'smanner;andhiseyesglowedwithadmirationforherwinningtactandkindness.Theglancehebentuponherwasperhapsmoreardentandapprovingthanhewasaware,forshe,lookingupfromtheabstractionwhichtherecentconversationhadoccasioned,seemedstrangelyaffectedbyit,forshetrembledandherfaceblanchedwithasuddenpallor,whilehereyeswererivetedtohisface.
　　"Youarenotwell,MissBurton,"saidStantonhastily,butinalowtone."Letmegetyousomewine."
　　Shestartedperceptibly,andthenasuddencrimsonsuffusedherfaceasshebecameconsciousthatothereyeswereuponher.
　　Inalmostasecondsherecoveredherselffully,andreplied,withasmile:
　　"No,Ithinkyou,Mr.Stanton.Acupofteaisapanaceaforallawoman'stroubles,andyouseeIhaveithere.Ididnotfeelwellforamoment,butambetternow."
　　TheeyesofStantonandIdamet.Bothhadseenthislittleepisode,andeachdrewfromitconclusionsthatwereanythingbutinspiriting.ButVanBergwasthoroughlypuzzled.Whileashefelthenhewouldhavegladlydrawnencouragementfromit,andperhapsdidsotosomeextent,hestillfelttherewassomethingpeculiarinhermanner,ofwhichheseemedtheoccasion,butwasnottheadequatecause.
　　MissBurtonsoonaftersoughtherroom,andforafewmomentspaceditindeepdisquiet,andherwholeformseemedtobecometenseandrigid.Inlowtonesshecommunedwithherself:
　　"Ismywillsoweak?ShallIcontinuebetrayingmyselfatanyunexpectedmoment?ShallIshowtostrangerssomethingthatI
　　wouldhidefromalleyessavethoseofGod?Letmerealizeitatonce,andsomaintainself-controlhenceforth.Thisisanillusion——ameretrickofmyoverwroughtmind;andyetitseemedsolike——"
　　Apassionofgriefinterruptedfurtherwords.Suchbitter,uncontrollablesorrowinonesoyoungwasterrible.Shewrithedandstruggledwiththisanguishforatimeashelplesslyasifshewereinthegraspofagiant.
　　Atlastshegrewcalm.Therewerenotearsinhereyes.Shewasbeyondsuchsimpleandnaturalexpressionofsorrow.Shehadreadytearsforthetroublesofothers,butnowhereyesweredryandfeverish.
　　"OGod,"shegasped,"teachmepatience!Keepmesubmissive.Letmestillsay,'Thywillbedone.'Andyetthetimeisdrawingnearwhen——oh,hush!hush!Letmenotthinkofit——
　　"There,there,bestill,"shesaidmorequietlywithherhanduponherside."Hundredsofotherheartsbesidesyourownareaching.
　　Forgetyourselfinrelievingthem."
　　Shebathedherface,putsomebrighterflowersinherhair,andwentdownamongtheotherguests,seeminglytheveryembodimentofsunshine.AlleyessavethoseofIdaMayhewwelcomedher;thechildrengatheredroundher;StantonandVanBergwerebotheagerforhersocietyinthedance,orbetterstill,forapromenade;butshesawMr.Mayhewlookingwistfullyather,andshewentstraighttohim.
　　Withunerringtactshefoundoutthesubjectsthatwereinterestingtohim,andrevivinghisfaithinhisownintelligence,ledhismindthroughsunny,breezyrangesofthoughtthatmadethetimehespentwithherlikeanescapefromthenarrowwallsandstiflingairandgloomofaprison.
　　ChapterXXIV.AHateful,WretchedLife.
　　TheadventofhalfascoreofyoungmenfromthecitynaturallymadedancingtheorderoftheoccasiononSaturdayevening.Mr.
　　Burleigh,however,gaveSibleyahintthatthefeatureshehadintroducedthepreviousweekmustbeomittedtonight,sincenothingthatwouldintheslightestdegreelowerthecharacterofhishousewouldbetolerated.TheexcitementthereforethatSibleyhadformerlyreceivedfromCognac,henowsoughttoobtainbypursuingwithgreaterardorhisflirtationwithIda.Indeed,tosuchanatureashis,herbeautywasquiteasintoxicatingasthe"spiritofwine."Therewasabrilliancyinherappearancetonightandapiquancyinherwordsthatstruckhimasveryunusual.
　　Norwashealoneinhisadmiration.Theyoungmenfromthecitythrongedabouther,andherhandwassoonengagedforeverydanceuntillateintheevening;butonthisoccasionshehadnoopportunity,asbefore,ofdeclininginvitationsfromVanBerg.
　　Thesolicitationsofotherswentforlittle,theadmiringeyesthatshesawfollowingheroneverysidecouldnotcompensateforthelackofallattentionfromhim.Hedancedseveraltimes,butitwaswiththosewhoseemedtobeneglectedbyothers.Inhisquiet,dignifiedbearing,inhisunselfishaffabilitytowardthosewhootherwisewouldhavehadadullevening,heappearedtoherinmostfavorablecontrasttothegiddyyoungfellowswhoflutteredaroundher,andwhosesupremethoughtswerealwaysofthemselves,andofheronlyasshecouldministertotheirpleasure.
　　"MissBurtonhassoplainlywonhim,"shethought,"thathehasadoptedhertacticsoflookingafterthosewhomeveryoneneglects.
　　Icouldsoonshowhimtheonehehasthegreatestpowerofcheering,andIknowthatshehasthedeepestneedofcheerofanyoneinthiscrowdedhouse,butI'dratherdiethangiveonehintofourfirstmeetinghehashumiliatedme,andIinreturnlovehim!Butheshallneverknowit.Mylookscanbeascoldashis."
　　Andsotheyweretowardhim,butforallothersshehadhadthegayestsmilesandrepartee.Vividlyconsciousofthesecretshewouldsojealouslyguard,shesoughtbyeverymeansinherpowertomaskitfromhimandallothers.Shewouldevenpermithernameforatimetobeassociatedwithamanshedetestedanddespised,sincethusthetruthcouldbemoreeffectivelyconcealed.
　　Sibley'sattentionswerecertainlyardentenoughtoattractattention,andoccasionallytherewasaboldnessinhiscompliments,whichshe,eveninherrecklessmood,sharplyresented.Hiseyesseemedtogrowmorewolfisheverytimesheencounteredthem,andmorethanoncethethoughtcrossedhermind:
　　"WhataheavenitwouldbetolookupintotheeyesofamanI
　　couldtrust,andwhohonoredme."
　　Whattortureitwastoseesuchamanpresent,andyettofeelthathejustlyscornedher.
　　Excitementandherstrongwillkeptherupforalongtime,butastheeveningadvanceddespondencyandwearinessbegantogainthemastery.Sibleycametoherandsaid:"MissIda,Ihaveyourhandforthenextwaltz,butIseeyouarewornandtired.Letusgooutonthecoolpiazzainsteadofdancing."
　　Listlesslyshetookhisarmandpassedthroughoneoftheopenwindowsnear.VanBerghaddisappearedsometimebefore,andtherewasnolongeranymotivetokeepuptheillusionofgayety.
　　Hardlyhadshesteppedonthepiazzabeforesheheardherfathersay:
　　"MissBurton,ifitwillgiveyouanypleasuretoknowthatyouhavemadethiseveningmemorablybrighttoonewhoselifeispeculiarlyclouded,youcancertainlyenjoythatassuranceinthefullestmeasure.Youhavekeptyourwordandhavenotpreachedatmeatall;andyetIfeelIoughttobeabettermanforthisinterview."
　　"O,MissIda,"exclaimedSibley,"thisistheopportunitythatI
　　havebeenwishingforalltheevening.IcannottellyouhowgladlyIexchangetheglareofthatroomforthelightofyoureyesonly.
　　Wouldthatlifewerebutonelongsummerevening,andyoureyestheonlystartsinmysky."
　　"Absurd,"shecarelesslyreplied;andthentheypassedoutofhearing.
　　"Good-night,MissBurton,"saidMr.Mayhewabruptly;andhehastilydescendedthestepsandwassoonlostfromviewinthedarkness.
　　Hisdaughterandthemanwhoseemedtobethecompanionofherchoice,broughtbackatoncetheoldconditionsofhislife.Theprisonwallsclosedaroundhimagain,theairseemedallthemorefoulandstiflingincontrastwiththepureatmospherewhichhehadbeenbreathing,andthegloomofthenightwaslightincomparisonwithhisthoughtsashemuttered:
　　"IfIdawereonlylikethisgoodangelshemightsaveevenme;butaftermylongabsencesheleavesmewhollytomyselfforthesakeofamanwhooughttobeanoffencetoher.IfItellherandhermotherwhathisreputationinNewYorkistheywillnotlistentome.Althoughheistheknownslaveofeveryvice,mydaughtersmilesuponhim.Frothandmudwearenowandeverwillbe.Afteraglimpseintothelifeofthatpure,goodwomanwhohastriedtobeGod'smessengertometo-night,IcanfindnowordstoexpressmyloathingofthesloughinwhichIandminehavemired.Myonlychild,bytheforceofnaturalselection,bidsfairtoaddtoournumberadrunkardandalibertine;andIampowerlesstopreventit.Themotherthatshouldguardandguideherchild,isblindtoeverythingsavethatheisrich.Frothandmud!Frothandmud!"
　　Unabletoendurehisthoughts,hewenttohisroomandfoundoblivioninthestuporofintoxication.
　　Onreachingtheendofthelongpiazza,SibleyledIdatoaverandalittlefrequentedatthathour,saying,ashedidso:
　　"Letusgetawayfrompryingeyes.Ialwaysfeelwhenwithyouthatthreeisanenormouscrowd."
　　Agentlemanwhohadbeensmokingrosehastilyatthisbroadhint,whichhecouldnothelpoverhearing,andwalkedhaughtilyaway.
　　Ida,witharegretdeeperthanshecouldhavethoughtpossible,sawthatitwasVanBerg.Herfirstimpulsewastocompelhercompaniontogoback;butthatwouldlooklikefollowinghim.Weary,disheartenedbythefatethatseemedeveragainsther,shesankintothechairhehadjustvacated.
　　ForatimeshedidnotheedorscarcelyhearSibley'scharacteristicflatteries,butatlasthesaidplainly:
　　"MissIda,doyouknowthatyouaretheonewomanofalltheworldtome?"
　　"Oh,hush!"shereplied,rising."Iknowyousaythattoeveryprettywomanwhowilllistentoyou,asIshallnolongerto-night.
　　Come."
　　Baffledandpuzzledalsobythemoodygirl,whooflateseemedsodifferentfromherformerself,hehadnoresourcebuttoaccompanyherbacktothemainentrance.Here,wheretheeyesofotherswereuponher,shesaidabruptly,butwithacharmingsmile:
　　"Good-night,Mr.Sibley,"andwentdirectlytoherroom.
　　Theyoungmanlookedrathernonplussedandmutteredanoathashewalkedawaytoconsolehimselfafterthefashionofhiskind.
　　"Istherenoescapefromthiswretchedlife?"Idasighedasshewearilythrewherselfintoachaironreachingherroom."Amanwhoseaddressesareaninsultismylover.TheonlymanIcaneverloveassociatesmeinhismindwiththislowfellow.Myfatherobtainswhatlittlecomforthegetsfromthecharityofastranger.
　　HowcanIfacethisprospectdayafterday.Oh,thatIhadnevercomehere!"
　　"Ida,"saidhermotherenteringhastily,"whathashappenedtoputyourfatheroutso?Ihadaheadachethisevening,andcameupearly.Alittlewhileagohestalkedinwithhisabsurdtragicair.
　　'Whatisthematter,'Iasked.'Looktoyourdaughter,'hesaid.
　　'Whatdoyoumean?'Iasked,quitefrightened.'Ifyouwereatruemother,'hereplied,'youwouldnomoreleaveherwiththatroueSibley,thanwithsomuchpitch.Yetheiscourtingheropenly;
　　andwhatisworse,shereceiveshisaddresses,andpermitsherselftobeidentifiedwithhim.''Oh,pshaw,'Iansweredcarelessly;
　　'Sibleyisaboutonaparwithhalftheyoungmeninsociety,andIdamightdoagreatdealworse.Nofearofher;forthereisn'tagirllivingwhoknowshowtotakecareofherselfbetterthanshe.''Bah!'hesaid,'ifsheknewhowtotakecareofherself,shewouldpermitasnaketotouchhersoonerthanthatman.Idamightdoworse,mightshe?Godknowshow:Idon't.Aprettyfamilyweshallbewhenheisaddedtoourcharminggroup.Themudwillpredominatethen;'andwiththatheopenedabottleofbrandyanddrankhimselfstupid."
　　AsMrs.Mayhewrattledthisconversationoffinaloudwhisper,Idaseemedturningintostone,butatitscloseshesaidicily:
　　"Inspeakingofsuchaunionaspossible,myparentshaveshowntheiropinionofme.Good-night.Iwishtobealone."
　　"Butdidanythinghappenbetweenyoutosetyourfatheroffso?"
　　persistedMrs.Mayhew.
　　"Nothingunusual.IsupposefatherheardoneofMr.Sibley'scompliments;andthatwasenoughtodisgustanysensibleman.
　　Good-night."
　　"Mygracious!Youmightaswellturnmeoutofyourroom."
　　"Mother,Iwishtobealone,"saidIda,passionately.
　　"AprettylifeIleadofitbetweenyouandyourfather,"sobbedMrs.Mayhew,retreatingtoherownapartment.
　　"Ahateful,wretchedlifeweallthreeshallleadtotheendoftime,foraughtthatIcansee,"Idagroanedassherestlesslypacedherroom;"butIhavenobetterresourcethantofollowfather'sexample."
　　Shetookanopiate,andsoescapedfromthoughtforatimeinthedeeplethargyitbrought.
　　ChapterXXV.Half-truths.
　　AchurchbellwasringinginaneighboringvillagethefollowingmorningwhenIdaawoke.Thesunlightstreamedinattheopenwindowthroughthehalf-closedblinds,fleckingthefloorwithbarsoflight.Birdsweresinginginthetreeswithout,andasouthernbreezerustledthroughthefoliageasasweetlowaccompaniment.
　　Surelyitwasabrightpleasantworldonwhichherheavyeyeswereopening.
　　Poorchild!shewasfastlearningnowthatthedarkestcloudsthatshadowourpathsarenotthevaporsthatrisefromtheearth,butthethoughtsandmemoriesofanunhappyandasinfulheart.