Shehadnotseemedto-dayliketheshallowgirlwhohadhithertoacceptedofhismoreinnocentcomplimentsasiftheyweresugar-plums,andmerelyraisedherfingerinmockwarningatsuchascontainedaspiceofwickednessandboldness.Thereseemedacurrentofthoughtinhermindwhichhecouldnotfathom,andwhetheritwerecarryingherawayortowardhimhewasnotsure.Heunderstoodandwelcomedtheelementofrecklessness,butdidnotlikethewayinwhichshelookedatVanBerg,nordiditsuithispurposesthatsheshouldhearsomuchofwhathecharacterizedas"pioustwaddle."
Hewhisperedagainbolderwordsthanhehadeverspokentoherbefore.
"Iwishnobetterheaventhanthetouchofyourhandandthelightofyoureyes.See,themoonisrising;comewithme,forthisistheverywitchinghourforaramble."
Sheturneduponhimastartledlook,forheseemedtheveryembodimentoftemptation.Butsheonlysaidcoldly:
"Hush!Mr.VanBergisabouttosing,"andshesteppedsofarintothelightedroomthattheartistsawher.
WhenMissBurtonrosefromthepianoshedidnotreturntoherseatintheparlor,butstoodintheshadowofthedoor-wayleadingintothehall.Thethoughtofherhymnhadcomesodirectlyfromherheart,thathereyeswereslightlymoistwithanemotionthatwasmoreplainlymanifestonmanyotherfaces.Theoldgentlemanwhohadaskedhertosinghadtakenoffhisspectaclesandwasopenlywipinghiseyes.
Stanton,ashamedtohaveherseethefeelingshehadevoked,turnedhisbackuponherandslowlywalkeddownthecorridor.Shemisunderstoodhisactandthoughtitcausedbyindifferenceordislikeforthesentimentshehadexpressed.Hehadseemedtoherthusfaronlyasuperficialmanoftheworld,andthisactstruckherascharacteristic.Butbeyondthispassingimpressionshedidnotgivehimathought,andturned,withgenuineinterest,tolistentoVanBergwhohadsaidtoher:
"IrememberafewsimpleverseswhichhavenomeritsavethattheyexpresswhatIwishratherthanwhatIam."
Withmuchmorefeeling,andthereforepower,thanwashiscustom,hesangasfollows:
"IwouldIknewTheebetter——
Thattrustcouldbanishdoubt;
Iwishthatfrom'theletter'
ThySpiritmightshineout.
Iwishthatheavenwerenearer——
ThatearthweremoreakinTothehomethatshouldbedearerThantheonesomarredbysin.
IwishthatdesertsdrearyMightblossomastherose,Thatsouls,despairing,weary,Mightsmileandfindrepose."
BeforesingingthenextstanzahecouldnotforbearlookingtoseeifMissMayhewwerelistening,andthusithappenedthathisglancegavepeculiaremphasistothethoughtexpressed.Shewaslookingathimwithanintensityofexpressionthathedidnotunderstand.
Nothingthathedidescapedher,andthequickflashofhiseyesinherdirectionunintentionallygavethefollowingwordstheforceandpointednessofanopenrebuke;
"IwishthatoutwardbeautyWerethemirroroftheheart,ThatpurityanddutySupplantedwilyart."
Hedidnotseethatwithasuddenflameofscarletinherfaceshesteppedbackontheduskypiazzaasabruptlyasifshehadreceivedablow.Hadhedoneso,hemightnothavesungaseffectivelytheremainingverses.Afterthefirstconfusedmomentofshameandresentmentpassed,shepausedonlylongenoughtonotewithasenseofreliefthatothershadnotseenormadeanysuchapplicationofhiswordsasshebelievedhehadintended,andthenshetookMr.
Sibley'sarmandwalkedaway,leavingtheremaningtwoversesunheard——
"IwishthatallwerebetterAndnearertotheirGod——
Thatevil'sbrokenfetterWereburiedwithHisrod;
Thatlovemightlastforever,Andwe,infuture,findThereisnopowertoseverThestrongandtrueinmind."
AshesangthelastversetherewasalsoarapidchangeintheexpressionofMissBurton'sface.Therewassomethingofheroldpallorthathasbeenmentionedbefore.Shelookedathimquestioninglyamomentasiftoseeifhewereconsciouslymakinganallusionthattouchedherverynearly,andthen,seeminglyovercomebysomesuddenemotionthatshewouldgladlyhide,shequicklyvanisheddownthedimlylightedhallway,andwasseennomoreuntilshecamedowntobreakfastthefollowingmorning,assmilingandcheeryasever.
"Confoundyou,Van,"saidStanton,astheartistescapedfromthethanksoftheaudienceintothehall,"Whatdidyouputinthatlastversefor?Youmadeherthinkofseeingherdeadfriendsagain,andsoshewasinnomoodtospeaktouspoormortalswhoarestillploddingoninthis'valeoftears.'I'dgivemyearsforaquietchatwithherto-night.ByJove,Ineverwassostirredupbefore,andcouldturnChristian,Mohammedan,Buddhist,oranythingelse,ifsheaskedmeto."
"Ineithercase,Ik,"saidVanBerg,"yourworshipwouldbethesame,Iimagine,andwouldneverrisehigherthanthepriestess."
"Curseitall,"exclaimedStantonimpetuously,"Ifeelto-nightasifthatwerehigherthanIcaneverrise.Ineverwasafraidofawomanbefore;butno'divinity'ever'hedgedaking'likethatwhichfillsmewithanindescribableawewhenIapproachthisunassuminglittlewomanwhousuallyseemsnomoreformidablethanaflickeringsunbeam.Iagreewithyounow.Shehasevidentlyhadsomedeepexperienceinthepastthatgivestohercharacterapoweranddepththatweonlyhalfunderstand.IwishIknewherbetter."
"Good-night,"saidVanBerg,alittleabruptly;"Ithinkthatafterthisevening'sexperience,neitherofusisinthemoodforfurthertalk."
Stantonlookedafterhimwithaloweringbrowandmuttered:"Ishesosensitiveonthissubject?ByJove.I'msorry!Ifearwemustbecomerivals,Van.Andyet,"headdedwithadespairinggesture,"whatchancewouldIhavewithhimagainstme?"
"Icouldnotheardistinctly,"SibleyhadremarkedasIdatookhisarmandwalkedawayfromherpostofobservation."Wereyoudisgustedwithhispiouswailongeneralprinciples,ordidsomethinginhistheologyoffendyou?"
"It'senoughthatIwasnotpleased,"sherepliedbriefly.
"Littlewonder.I'msurprisedyoustooditsolong.VanBergandStantonarenicefellowstoleadaconventicle.IthinkI'lltakeahandatitmyselfnextSundayevening,andcertainlywouldwithyoursupport.I'llsaynothingofthesinger,butifyouwillgowithmetotherusticseatinyondershadywalk,I'llsingyouasongthatIknowwillbemoretoyourtastethananyyouhaveheardthisevening."
"Pleaseexcuseme,Mr.Sibley;I'mafraidofthenightair."
"Youareunusuallyprudent,"hesaid,alittletauntingly.
"WhichprovesthatIpossessatleastonegoodquality,"shereplied.
"PerhapsifMr.VanBergaskedyoutogoyouwouldtaketherisk."
"PerhapsImight,"sheadmitted,halfunconsciouslyandfromthemereforceofhabit,givingthenaturalanswerofacoquette.
"Hehadbetternotcrossmypath,"saidSibley,withsuddenvindictiveness.
"Come,come!"repliedMissMayhew,withacarelesslaugh,"let'shavenohightragedy.I'minnomoodforitto-night,andyouhavenooccasionforalarm.Ifhecrossesyourpathhewillstepdaintilyoveritatrightangles."
AtthatmomentVanBergcameoutonthepiazza.Althoughhecouldnothearherwords,herlaughandtonesjarredunpleasantlyonhisear.
"Yonderisagenuineaffinity,"hemuttered,"whichIwasafooltothinkIcouldbreakup;"andwithaslightcontemptuousgestureheturnedonhisheelandwenttohisroom.
"Icannotaltogetherunderstandyouthisevening,MissMayhew,"
saidSibley,withsomeresentmentinhistone.
"Youarenottoblameforthat,Mr.Sibley,forIdonotunderstandmyself.Ihavenotfeltwellto-day,andsohadbettersaygood-night."
Butbeforeshecouldleavehimheseizedherhandandexclaimed,inhissoft,insinuatingtones:
"Thatthenistheonlytroublebetweenus.NextSaturdayeveningIshallfindyouyouroldcharmingself?"
"Perhaps,"washerunsatisfactoryanswer.
Withastepthatgrewslowerandheaviereverymoment,shewenttoherroom,turnedupthelight,andlookedfixedlyatherselfintheglass,"IwishthatoutwardbeautyWerethemirroroftheheart,"
sherepeatedinaudibly,andtheherexquisitelipcurledinself-contempt.
"Ida,whatISthematterwithyou?"drawledhermother,lookingthroughtheopendoor-wayofheradjacentroom."Youactasifyouweredemented."
"WhydidyoumakemewhatIam?"sheexclaimed,turninguponhermotherinasuddenpassion.
"Goodgracious!whatareyou?"ejaculatedthatmatter-of-factlady.
"I'masgoodasyouare——asgoodasoursetaverages,Isuppose,"
sheansweredinaweary,carelesstone."Goodnight;"andsheclosedandlockedherdoor.
"Oh,pshaw!"saidMrs.Mayhew,petulantly;"thosehymnshavemadeheroutofsortswithherselfandeverything.Theyusedtostirmeupinthesameway.Whycan'tpeoplelearntoperformtheirreligiousdutiesproperlyandthenletthematterrest;"andwithayawnsheretiredatpeacewithherselfandalltheworld.
Idathrewherselfonaloungeandlookedstraightbeforeherwiththatfixed,vacantstarewhichindicatesthatnothingisseensavebytheeyeofthemind.
"Father'sdrunkto-night,"shemoaned;"IknowitassurelyasifIsawhim.IalsoknowthatI'minparttoblameforit.Couldoutwardbeautymaskablackerheartthanmine?Itdoesnotmaskitfromhimwhosangthosewords,"andsheburiedherfaceinherhandsandsobbed,until,exhaustedanddisheartened,shesoughsuchpoorrestandrespiteasafewhoursoftroubledsleepcouldbring.
ChapterXVIII.LovePuttoWork.
OnthefollowingdaytherewastheusualbustleofchangeanddeparturethatischaracteristicofalargesummerresortonMondaymorning.StantonfoundMrs.Mayhewveryreadytooccupytheseatshehadobtained,andallthemoresofromhisstatementofthefactthatseveralothershadspokenforthem.
"Ida,mydear,"calledhermother;"comehere,I'vegoodnewsforyou.Ikhasgotusoutofthatodiouscornerofthedining-room,andsecuredseatsforusatMr.VanBerg'stable."
"Iwishnoseatthere,"shesaiddecisively.
"Oh,itsallarranged,mydear;andagoodmanyotherswanttheseats,butIkwastooprompt."
"I'llstaywhereIam,"saidIda,sullenly.
"Andhaveeveryoneinthehouseaskingwhy?"addedStanton,provokingly."Mr.VanBergtreatsyouasagentlemanshould.Whycannotyouactlikealadytowardhim?IfIwereyouIwouldnotcarrymypreferencesfortheSibleystyleoffellowssofarthatIcouldnotbeciviltoamanlikemyfriend."
"Youmisjudgeme,"criedIda,passionately.
"Youhaveastrangewayofprovingit.Allthatisaskedofyouistositatthesametablewithagentlemanwhohaswontherespectandadmirationofeveryoneinthehotel,whosesocietyispeculiarlyagreeabletoyourmotherandmyself,andwhohasalsoshownunusualcourtesytowardsyoueversincehelearnedwhoyouwere.WhatelsecanIthink——whatelsecanothersthink,thanthatyourtasteleanssodecidedlytotheSibleystylethatyoucannotevenbepolitetoamanofhighcultureandgenuineworth?"
"Youaretoosevere,Ik,"saidMrs.Mayhew."ForsomereasonthatIcannotfathom,Idadoesnotlikethisartist;andyetIthinkmyselfthatshewouldsubjectherselftoveryunpleasantremarksifshemadeanytroubleaboutsittingatthesametablewithhim."
"Canyounotsee,"retortedIda,irritably,"thatIkhasnotconsideredusatall,butonlyhimself?HewishestobenearMissBurton,andwithoutgivingusanychancetoobject,hasmadeallthearrangementssothatwemusteithercomplyorelsebethetalkofthehouse.It'sjustapieceofhisselfishness,"sheconcludedwithtearsofvexationinhereyes.
"Oh,comeIda!"saidhermothercoaxingly,"Icanseeonlyamole-hillinthismatter,andIwouldn'tmakeamountainoutofit.AsfarasIamconcerned,Ishouldenjoythechangeverymuch,and,asyousay,theaffairhasgonetoofarnowtomakeobjection.Idonotintendthateitheryouormyselfshallbethesubjectofunpleasantremark."
Andsothematterwassettled,butIda'scoldnessandconstraint,whentheyallmetatdinner,veryclearlyindicatedthatthechangehadbeenmadewithoutherconsent.VanBergaddressedheraffablytwoorthreetimes,butreceivedbriefanddiscouraginganswers.
"Yourcousinevidentlyisnotpleasedwiththenewarrangementyouhavebroughtabout.IcannotseewhatIhavedoneoflatetovexher."
"I'lltellyouthetrouble.YouoffendherbynotbeingthecounterpartofMr.Sibley,"saidStanton,irritably.
VanBerg'sbrowdarkened."Doyouthink,"heaskedinameaningtone,"thatsheunderstandswhatkindofamanheis?"
"Oh,sheknowsthathecandance,flirt,andtalknonsense,andsheasksfornothingmoreandthinksofnothingfurther.I'moutofpatiencewithher."
Stanton'swordscontainedthemostplausibleexplanationofIda'sconductthatoccurredtoVanBerg.Theepisodeinthestagehadmadethemacquainted,andherpreconceivedprejudiceandhostilityhadbeensofarremovedastopermitacertaindegreeofsocialcompanionship,whoseresultwouldnowseemonlyincreaseddislikeanddistaste.Ashesupposedshewouldexpressherself,"hewasnotofherstyle."HadshenotspentthegreaterpartofSundayafternoonandeveningwithSibley?Whatotherconclusionwastheresavethathewas"ofherstyle,"congenialbothinthoughtandcharacter!Andyethestillrefusedtoentertainthebeliefthatsherecognizedinhimmorethanafashionablemanoftheworld.
Ifonlyastheresultofthepiqueoriginatingontheeveningoftheconcert,IdaMayhewhadstoodalooffromhim,hecouldhopetoremovethisearlyprejudicebybetteracquaintance.Butiffulleracquaintanceincreasedheraversion,thenhemustbelievethatthedefectsinhercharacterwereradical,inwroughtthroughthewholewebandwoofofhernature.Hecouldnotassumethe"Sibleystyle"ifhewould,andwouldnotifhecould,wereherbeautyahundred-foldgreater,werethatpossible.
Hewasfastcomingtotheconclusion,therefore,thathemustabandontheprojectwhichhadsofascinatedhim,andwhosesuccesshadsostronglykindledhisimagination.Andyethedidsoreluctantly,veryregretfully,chafingasonlythestrong-willeddo,whenconfrontedandthwartedbythatwhichisonlyapparentlyimpossible,andwhichtheystillfeelmightandoughttobeaccomplished.
"Ifeelastheoldalchemistsmusthavedone,"heoftenthought.
"Hereisabasemetal.WhycanInottransmuteitintogold?"
Butastheconvictionofhisimpotencegrewuponhimhefeltsomethinglikeresentmenttowardtheonewhohadthwartedhispurpose;andsoitnaturallyhappenedthatwhentheymetagainatthesupper-table,hiscoolandindifferentmannercorrespondedwiththatofMissMayhewtoadegreethatgaveheradeeperpainthanshecouldunderstand.
"Whyshouldshecare?"sheaskedherselfahundredtimesthatevening.Buttheunpleasanttruthhourlygrewmoreplaintoherthatshedidcare.
Stantonandhermotherquietlyignoredher"foolishpique,"astheytermedit.IntruththeformerwassopreoccupiedwithMissBurton,andwithjealousyofhisfriend,thathehadfewthoughtsforanythingelse.
Headmittedtohimselfthathehadneverbeforebeensothoroughlyfascinatedandawakened;anditwasinaccordancewithhispleasure-loving,self-indulgentnaturetodriftonthisshiningtidewithersoeveritmightcarryhim.
ButwithagrowingfeelingofdisquietudehesawthatVanBergalsowasdeeplyinterestedinMissBurton,and,whatwasworse,hethoughthedetectedanansweringinterestonherpart.
Occasionally,whentheartist'sfacewasturnedawaysothatsheobtainedagoodprofileviewofit,Stantonobservedherlookingathimwithanexpressionwhichbothpuzzledandtroubledhim.Sheseemedtoforgeteverythingandeveryone,andtogazeforamomentwithawistful,longingintensitythathewouldgivehisfortuneforweretheglancedirectedtowardhimself.AndyetwhenVanBergaddressedher,soughthersociety,methersuddenly,therewasnoheighteningofcolor,noratraceofthe"sweetconfusion"thatisusuallyinseparablefromanewandgrowingaffectioninamaiden'sheart.
Apartfromthisoccasion,furtive,andwistfullookduringwhichhercheekswouldgrowpaleandsheappearforthemomentobliviousofpresentsurroundings,hermannertowardtheartistwasasfrankandnaturalastowardanyoneelse.Itwasevidentthatshelikedandrespectedhim,butevenhisjealousycouldnotdetectthecertaintyofanythingmore.
ButwhatwasthetendencyofVanBerg'smindtowardher?Thatwasthequestionwhichtroubledhimmoreandmoreeveryday.FromthetimeoftheirpartingonthepreviousSabbatheveningtherehadbeenagrowingreluctanceonthepartofeachtospeakofonewhosolargelyoccupiedthethoughtsofboth.Theoldjestandbanteraboutthe"schoolma'am"ceasedutterly,andtheymentionedheronlyoccasionallyas"MissBurton."Theoldfrankconfidencebetweenthemdiminisheddaily,andintheirsecretconsciousnesstheybegantorecognizethefactthattheymightsoonbecomeopenrivals.
TheattitudeofVanBergtowardtheyoungstrangerwhohadsodeeplyinterestedhimfromthefirsthouroftheirmeeting,waspeculiarbutcharacteristic.Hisreasonapprovedofher.Neverbeforehadhemetawomanwhohadseemedendowedwithsomanyattractivequalities.Shewasnotbeautiful,——acardinalvirtuewithhim——butherfaceoftenlightedupwithsomethingsonearakintobeautyastoleavelittlecausetoregretitsabsenceandtheconvictiongrewuponhimthatthespiritenshrinedwithinthegracefulandfragileformwasalmostperfectionitself.
Itbecameclearertohimeverydaythatsomedeepexperienceorsorrowhassothoroughlyrefinedawaythedrossofhernatureastomakeherseemtheembodimentoftruthandpurity.Whatthoughshestillmaintainedcompletereticenceastothepast,avoidingintheirconversationallallusiontoherself,asfaraspossible;
hestill,inhisinmostsoul,knewhecouldtrusther,andthatwhilehersmilingface,likethesunlitripplingsurfaceofmountainlakesnotfaraway,mighthidedark,silentdepths,itconcealednothingimpure.
Healsofeltthattherewasnooccasiontoimagineanydeepmysterytobepartofherpasthistory.Thefactsthatshewaspoorandorphanedsuggestedalltheexplanationsneeded,andhefeltsurethatthesorrowsshesosacredlyandunselfishlyshroudedfromthegeneralviewwouldbefranklyrevealedtothemanwhomightwintherighttocomfortandsustainher.
Couldhewinthatright?Didhewishtowinit?Asdayafterdaypassedhefeltthisquestiontobegrowingmoreandmorevitallyimportant.
Hewasnotonehebelievedwho,likeStanton,couldbecarriedawaybyasuddenandabsorbingpassion.Inanyandeverycase,reason,judgment,andtastewouldoffertheircounsel,andtheiradvicewouldbecarefullyweighed.Withincreasingdistinctness,thiscabinetwithinhisownbreasturgedhimtoobservethismaidenwelllestthechiefopportunityofhislifepassbeyondrecall.
Andhedidstudyhercharactercarefully.Stanton,withthekeenpainofjealousy,andIdaMayhewwithadisquietandsinkingofheartthatshecouldnotunderstand,notedthatheveryquietlyandunobtrusivelysoughthersociety.Whenshespoke,helistened.
Whenitwaspossiblewithoutattractingattentionhiseyesfollowedher,andyethisconductwasgovernedsothoroughlybygoodtasteandchivalricregardfortheladyherself,thatonlyeyesrenderedpenetratingbythepromptingsoftheheartwouldhaveseenanythingmorethanthegeneralfriendlinesswhichsheinspiredoneveryside.
Stanton,onthecontrary,grewmoreundisguisedanddemonstrativeinhisattentions,althoughheaimedtoconcealhisfeelingunderthehumorousandbanteringstyleofaddressthatwashabitualwithhim.TheguestsofthehousewerenotverylonginrecognizinginhimanadmirerofMissBurton,buttheyimaginedthathisdevotionwascausedmorebyawishtowhileawayhisidlehoursthanfromanyothermotive;anditwasalsoquiteevidentthattheyoungladyherselftookthesameview.Shegavealightandhumorousaspecttoeverythingshesaid,andpermittedhimscarcelyanopportunityforasolitary"tete-a-tete."Invainheplacedhisbaysandbuggyatherdisposal.
"Iamsocialandgregariousinmytastes,"shewouldreply,"andneedtheexhilarationofapartytoenjoymyself."
ThusStantonwasledtoacourseofactiondecidedlyincontrastwithhispasttendencies.Hewouldattachhisbaystoaroomycarriage,givinghera"carte-blanche"inmakingupthepartyifshewouldbeoneofthenumber.Hewouldperspirelikeaheroinanyboatingexcursionorpicnicthatshewouldoriginate;andthusthefastidiousandelegantfellowoftenfoundhimselfinunwontedcompany,for,withaninstinctpeculiarlyherown,shesoonfoundoutthecomparativelypoorandneglectedinthehotel,andappearedtoderiveherchiefpleasureinenliveningtheirdulldays.
Quick-wittedStantonearlylearnedthatthesurestwaytowinningasmilefromherwastobepolitetopeoplethat,hitherto,hehadhabituallyignored.ToMissBurtonherselfhemadenosecretofthefactthathiscoursewaspromptedonlybyadesiretopleaseher,butshesmilingpersistedinascribingitalltohisgood-natureandkindnessofheart.
ChapterXIX.Man'sHighestHonor.
VanBerghadnotbeenverylongindiscoveringthatMissBurtonhadarulingpassion,anditseemedtohimaratheruniqueone.
Hewasfamiliarwiththemanyformsofself-seeking,commoninsociety;heknewofthosewhoweredevotedtoliterature,science,orsomefavoritecalling,ashewastohisart;hehadseenafewwhoapparentlysoaboundedingenialgood-naturethattheyrarelylostanopportunityofperformingakindact;andthereweremenandwomenintheworldwho,hebelieved,hadfullyconsecratedthemselvestotheworkofdoinggoodfromthepurestanddivinestmotives:buthedidnotrememberofeverhavingmetwithonewhosewholethoughtappearedbentondisseminatingimmediatesunshine.
AndyetthisseemedtrueofMissBurton.Withadmirabletact,withatirelesspatience,andanenergyoutofproportioninonesofragile,shekeptherselfquietlyandunobtrusivelybusyamongthemiscellaneouspeopleofthehouse.Hercharitywaswideenoughforall.Wherevershecoulddiscovergloom,despondency,dulness,orpain,thereshetriedtoshinelikeasunbeam,asifthatweretheprimallawofherbeing.Sherarelysoughtto"dogood"intheordinaryacceptanceoftheterm;stillmorerarelydidshespeakofherownpersonalfaith;tocheerandtobrightenappearedtobeheroneconstantimpulse.Itwasevidentthatthishadbecomeakindofsecondnatureinhernow;butthethoughtoccurredmorethanoncetoVanBergthatshehadadoptedthiscourseatfirsttoescapefromherselfandherownunhappymemories.Everydayincreasedtheconvictionthatsorrowwastheblack,heavysoilthatproducedthisconstantbloomofunselfishdeeds.
Beforetheweekwasovershegavehimspecialreasontobelievethatthiswastrue.Theywerewalkingupanddownthepiazzaoneeveningandhadbeentalkingwithmuchanimationonasubjectofmutualinterest.Butsheprovedthattherewasinhermindadeeperandstrongercurrentofthoughtthanthatwhichhadbeenapparent.
Astheduskinessincreased,andasintheirpromenadetheirfaceswereturnedawayfromthosewhomighthaveobservedthem,shesaidalittleabruptlyandyetwithtremuloushesitancy:
"Mr.VanBerg,doesyourphilosophyteachyoutobelieve,asyousung,onSabbathevening,that'ThereisnopowertoseverThestrongandtrueinmind?'"
Beforeansweringheturnedtolookather.Herfaceseemedtostandoutfromthegloomofthenightwithalightofitsown,andwassowhiteandeagerastobealmostspirit-like.Histonesweresadashereplied:
"IwishIcouldansweryouotherwisethanasImust,fortheimpulsetosaysomewordsofcomfort,whichIfeelyouneed,isverystrong.
IonlysangofwhatIwishedonSundayevening.Ihavelittlephilosophy,andstilllessofdefinitebeliefinregardtothefuturelife.WhileIamnotatheoreticskeptic,allquestionsoffaitharetomesovagueandincomprehensiblethatIamapracticalmaterialist,andliveonlyinthepresenthour."
"But,Mr.VanBerg,"shesaid,inalowtremuloustone,"canyounotunderstandthatsomepeoplecannotliveinthepresenthour,tryastheymay?Oh,howdesperatelyhardItrytodoso!Canyounotimaginethatsomethinginone'spastmaymakeafuturenecessarytosavefromdespair?IfIlostmyholdonthatfutureIshouldgomad,"sheaddedinawhisper."Howcananymaterialisticphilosophybetruewhenitfailsusandsobitterlydisappointsusinourneed?"
"Idonotsayitistrue,"hereplied,earnestly."Indeedyourwordsandmannerprovetome,ascouldnolaboredargument,whatapoorsuperficialthingitis.Ifeel,withtheforceofconviction,thatitcannomoremeetyourneedthancouldthehuskswhichtheswinedideat."
"Sinceyouweresincere,Iwillbealso,"shecontinuedinthesamelowtone,lookingawayfromhimintothedarkcloudysky."AsthehymnIsungmayhavesuggestedtoyou,Ihavenotgotveryfarbeyondmeresubmissionandhope.Somethinginmyownsoulaswellasinrevelationtellsmethatthereisa'happiershore,'andI
amtryingtoreachit;buttheway,toooften,islikethatsky,utterlyopaqueandrayless."
"Iregretmoredeeplythanyoucaneverknow,MissBurton,thatI
findnothinginmyownknowledgeorexperiencetohelpyou.AllIcanofferismyhonestsympathy,andthatyouhavehadfromthefirst;forfromthetimeofourfirstmeetingtheimpressionhasbeengrowinguponmethatyourcharacterhadobtaineditspowerandbeautythroughsomedeepandsorrowfulexperience.ButwhileIamunabletogiveyouanyhelp,perhapsIcansuggestapleasantthoughtfromyourownillustration.Theblackcloudsyonderwhichseemtoyouatruetypeoftheshadowsthathavefallenacrossyourpath,are,afterall,butafilminthesky.Thesun,andamultitudeofotherluminousworlds,areshiningbeyondthemintheheavens.IwouldIhadyourchancesofreachinga'happiershore.'"
"That'saprettysentiment,"shesaid,shakingherheadslowly;
"butthoseluminousworldsareagreatwayoff,withcoldandvastreachesofspacebetweenthem.Besides,aluminousworldwouldnotdomeonebitofgood.Iwant——"shestoppedabruptlywithsomethinglikealowsob."There,there,"sheresumedhastilydashingawayafewtears."Ihaveoccupiedyourthoughtstoolongwithmyforlornlittleself.Ididnotmeantoshowthisweakness,buthavebeenbetrayedintodoingos,Ithink,becauseyouimpressedmeasbeinghonest,andIthoughtthatperhaps——perhapsyourman'sreasonmighthavethoughtofsomeargumentorprobablyconjecturerelatingtothesubjectthat,forcausesobvioustoyou,wouldbenaturallyinterestingtoonesoaloneintheworldasIam."
"IamsorryindeedthatIneverusedmyreasontosogoodapurpose,"
hereplied;"andyet,asIsaidatfirst,thesesubjectshaveeverseemedtomesoaboveandbeyondmyreasonthatIhavecarelesslygiventhemthego-by.MyprofessionhaswhollyabsorbedmesinceIhavebeencapableofanythingworththenameofthought,andtheworld,towardwhichyourmindisturning,issolargeandvaguethatIcannotevenfollowyou,muchlessguide."
Shesighed:"Itisindeed'largeandvague.'"Thensheaddedinfirm,quiettones:"Mr.VanBerg,pleaseforgetwhatIhavesaid.
Theweakmustshowtheirweaknessattimesinspiteofthemselves,andyourkindnessandsincerityhavebeguiledmeintoinflictingmyselfuponyou."
"Youaskthatwhichisimpossible,MissBurton,"herepliedearnestly.
"Icannotforgetwhatyouhavesaid,nordoIwishto.Ineednotassureyou,however,thatIregardyourconfidenceassacredasifitcamefrommyownsister.WillyoualsoletmesaythatIneverfeltsohonoredbeforeinmylifeasIhaveto-night,inthefactthatIseemedtoyourwoman'sintuitionworthyofyourtrust."
Theywerenowturnedtowardsthelightthatstreameddimlyfromoneofthewindows.Shelookedupathimwithabright,gratefulsmile,butsheapparentlysawsomethinginhiseagerfaceandmannerwhichcheckedhersmileassuddenlyasifhehadbeenanapparition.
shegavehimherhand,sayinghastily,"Good-night,Mr.VanBerg;
Ithankyou.I——I——donotfeelverywell,"andshepassedswiftlytoasidedooranddisappeared.
ChapterXX.AWretchedSecretthatMustbeKept.
第12章