"I?IntruthIknownot,butanitwerethewillofGod."
　　"Yes,yes,Ireckonthat'saboutthesizeofit.Don'tmindmyseemingexcited;I'mnot.Letuschangethesubject.Nowastothiscastle,withfortyfiveprincessesinit,andthreeogresattheheadofit,tellme——whereisthisharem?"
　　"Harem?"
　　"TheCASTLE,youunderstand;whereisthecastle?"
　　"Oh,astothat,itisgreat,andstrong,andwellbeseen,andliethinafarcountry.Yes,itismanyleagues."
　　"HOWmany?"
　　"Ah,fairsir,itwerewoundilyhardtotell,theyaresomany,anddosolaptheoneupontheother,andbeingmadeallinthesameimageandtinctedwiththesamecolor,onemaynotknowtheoneleaguefromitsfellow,norhowtocountthemexcepttheybetakenapart,andyewitwellitwereGod'sworktodothat,beingnotwithinman'scapacity;foryewillnote——"
　　"Holdon,holdon,nevermindaboutthedistance;WHEREABOUTSdoesthecastlelie?What'sthedirectionfromhere?"
　　"Ah,pleaseyousir,ithathnodirectionfromhere;byreasonthattheroadliethnotstraight,butturnethevermore;whereforethedirectionofitsplaceabidethnot,butissometimeundertheoneskyandanonunderanother,wheresoifyebemindedthatitisintheeast,andwendthitherward,yeshallobservethatthewayoftheroaddothyetagainturnuponitselfbythespaceofhalfacircle,andthismarvelhappingagainandyetagainandstillagain,itwillgrieveyouthatyouhadthoughtbyvanitiesofthemindtothwartandbringtonaughtthewillofHimthatgivethnotacastleadirectionfromaplaceexceptitpleasethHim,andifitpleaseHimnot,willtheratherthatevenallcastlesandalldirectionsthereuntovanishoutoftheearth,leavingtheplaceswhereintheytarrieddesolateandvacant,sowarningHiscreaturesthatwhereHewillHewill,andwhereHewillnotHe——"
　　"Oh,that'sallright,that'sallright,giveusarest;nevermindaboutthedirection,HANGthedirection——Ibegpardon,Ibegathousandpardons,Iamnotwellto-day;paynoattentionwhenIsoliloquize,itisanoldhabit,anold,badhabit,andhardtogetridofwhenone'sdigestionisalldisorderedwitheatingfoodthatwasraisedforeverandeverbeforehewasborn;goodland!amancan'tkeephisfunctionsregularonspringchickensthirteenhundredyearsold.Butcome——nevermindaboutthat;
　　let's——haveyougotsuchathingasamapofthatregionaboutyou?Nowagoodmap——"
　　"Isitperadventurethatmannerofthingwhichoflatetheunbelievershavebroughtfromoverthegreatseas,which,beingboiledinoil,andanonionandsaltaddedthereto,doth——"
　　"What,amap?Whatareyoutalkingabout?Don'tyouknowwhatamapis?There,there,nevermind,don'texplain,Ihateexplanations;theyfogathingupsothatyoucan'ttellanythingaboutit.Runalong,dear;
　　good-day;showhertheway,Clarence."
　　Oh,well,itwasreasonablyplain,now,whythesedonkeysdidn'tprospecttheseliarsfordetails.Itmaybethatthisgirlhadafactinhersomewhere,butIdon'tbelieveyoucouldhavesluiceditoutwithahydraulic;norgotitwiththeearlierformsofblasting,even;itwasacasefordynamite.
　　Why,shewasaperfectass;andyetthekingandhisknightshadlistenedtoherasifshehadbeenaleafoutofthegospel.Itkindofsizesupthewholeparty.Andthinkofthesimplewaysofthiscourt:thiswanderingwenchhadn'tanymoretroubletogetaccesstothekinginhispalacethanshewouldhavehadtogetintothepoorhouseinmydayandcountry.Infact,hewasgladtoseeher,gladtohearhertale;withthatadventureofherstooffer,shewasaswelcomeasacorpseistoacoroner.
　　JustasIwasending-upthesereflections,Clarencecameback.Iremarkeduponthebarrenresultofmyeffortswiththegirl;hadn'tgotholdofasinglepointthatcouldhelpmetofindthecastle.Theyouthlookedalittlesurprised,orpuzzled,orsomething,andintimatedthathehadbeenwonderingtohimselfwhatIhadwantedtoaskthegirlallthosequestionsfor.
　　"Why,greatguns,"Isaid,"don'tIwanttofindthecastle?AndhowelsewouldIgoaboutit?"
　　"La,sweetyourworship,onemaylightlyanswerthat,Iween.Shewillgowiththee.Theyalwaysdo.Shewillridewiththee."
　　"Ridewithme?Nonsense!"
　　"Butofatruthshewill.Shewillridewiththee.Thoushaltsee."
　　"What?Shebrowsearoundthehillsandscourthewoodswithme——alone——andIasgoodasengagedtobemarried?Why,it'sscandalous.Thinkhowitwouldlook."
　　My,thedearfacethatrosebeforeme!Theboywaseagertoknowallaboutthistendermatter.Isworehimtosecresyandthenwhisperedhername——"PussFlanagan."Helookeddisappointed,andsaidhedidn'trememberthecountess.Hownaturalitwasforthelittlecourtiertogiveherarank.Heaskedmewhereshelived.
　　"InEastHar——"Icametomyselfandstopped,alittleconfused;thenIsaid,"Nevermind,now;I'lltellyousometime."
　　Andmightheseeher?WouldIlethimseehersomeday?
　　Itwasbutalittlethingtopromise——thirteenhundredyearsorso——andhesoeager;soIsaidYes.ButIsighed;Icouldn'thelpit.Andyettherewasnosenseinsighing,forshewasn'tbornyet.Butthatisthewaywearemade:wedon'treason,wherewefeel;wejustfeel.
　　Myexpeditionwasallthetalkthatdayandthatnight,andtheboyswereverygoodtome,andmademuchofme,andseemedtohaveforgottentheirvexationanddisappointment,andcometobeasanxiousformetohivethoseogresandsetthoseripeoldvirginslooseasifitwerethemselvesthathadthecontract.Well,theyWEREgoodchildren——butjustchildren,thatisall.Andtheygavemenoendofpointsabouthowtoscoutforgiants,andhowtoscoopthemin;andtheytoldmeallsortsofcharmsagainstenchantments,andgavemesalvesandotherrubbishtoputonmywounds.
　　ButitneveroccurredtooneofthemtoreflectthatifIwassuchawonderfulnecromancerasIwaspretendingtobe,Ioughtnottoneedsalvesorinstructions,orcharmsagainstenchantments,and,leastofall,armsandarmor,onaforayofanykind——evenagainstfire-spoutingdragons,anddevilshotfromperdition,letalonesuchpooradversariesastheseIwasafter,thesecommonplaceogresofthebacksettlements.
　　Iwastohaveanearlybreakfast,andstartatdawn,forthatwastheusualway;butIhadthedemon'sowntimewithmyarmor,andthisdelayedmealittle.Itistroublesometogetinto,andthereissomuchdetail.
　　Firstyouwrapalayerortwoofblanketaroundyourbody,forasortofcushionandtokeepoffthecoldiron;thenyouputonyoursleevesandshirtofchainmail——thesearemadeofsmallsteellinkswoventogether,andtheyformafabricsoflexiblethatifyoutossyourshirtontothefloor,itslumpsintoapilelikeapeckofwetfish-net;itisveryheavyandisnearlytheuncomfortablestmaterialintheworldforanightshirt,yetplentyuseditforthat——taxcollectors,andreformers,andone-horsekingswithadefectivetitle,andthosesortsofpeople;thenyouputonyourshoes——flat-boatsroofedoverwithinterleavingbandsofsteel——
　　andscrewyourclumsyspursintotheheels.Nextyoubuckleyourgreavesonyourlegs,andyourcuissesonyourthighs;thencomeyourbackplateandyourbreastplate,andyoubegintofeelcrowded;thenyouhitchontothebreastplatethehalf-petticoatofbroadoverlappingbandsofsteelwhichhangsdowninfrontbutisscollopedoutbehindsoyoucansitdown,andisn'tanyrealimprovementonaninvertedcoalscuttle,eitherforlooksorforwear,ortowipeyourhandson;nextyoubeltonyoursword;
　　thenyouputyourstove-pipejointsontoyourarms,yourirongauntletsontoyourhands,yourironrat-trapontoyourhead,witharagofsteelwebhitchedontoittohangoverthebackofyourneck——andthereyouare,snugasacandleinacandle-mould.Thisisnotimetodance.Well,amanthatispackedawaylikethatisanutthatisn'tworththecracking,thereissolittleofthemeat,whenyougetdowntoit,bycomparisonwiththeshell.
　　Theboyshelpedme,orInevercouldhavegotin.Justaswefinished,SirBediverehappenedin,andIsawthataslikeasnotIhadn'tchosenthemostconvenientoutfitforalongtrip.Howstatelyhelooked;andtallandbroadandgrand.Hehadonhisheadaconicalsteelcasquethatonlycamedowntohisears,andforvisorhadonlyanarrowsteelbarthatextendeddowntohisupperlipandprotectedhisnose;andalltherestofhim,fromnecktoheel,wasflexiblechainmail,trousersandall.Butprettymuchallofhimwashiddenunderhisoutsidegarment,whichofcoursewasofchainmail,asIsaid,andhungstraightfromhisshoulderstohisankles;andfromhismiddletothebottom,bothbeforeandbehind,wasdivided,sothathecouldrideandlettheskirtshangdownoneachside.
　　Hewasgoinggrailing,anditwasjusttheoutfitforit,too.Iwouldhavegivenagooddealforthatulster,butitwastoolatenowtobefoolingaround.Thesunwasjustup,thekingandthecourtwereallonhandtoseemeoffandwishmeluck;soitwouldn'tbeetiquetteformetotarry.
　　Youdon'tgetonyourhorseyourself;no,ifyoutriedityouwouldgetdisappointed.Theycarryyouout,justastheycarryasun-struckmantothedrugstore,andputyouon,andhelpgetyoutorights,andfixyourfeetinthestirrups;andallthewhileyoudofeelsostrangeandstuffyandlikesomebodyelse——likesomebodythathasbeenmarriedonasudden,orstruckbylightning,orsomethinglikethat,andhasn'tquitefetchedaroundyet,andissortofnumb,andcan'tjustgethisbearings.Thentheystoodupthemasttheycalledaspear,initssocketbymyleftfoot,andIgrippeditwithmyhand;lastlytheyhungmyshieldaroundmyneck,andIwasallcompleteandreadytoupanchorandgettosea.Everybodywasasgoodtomeastheycouldbe,andamaidofhonorgavemethestirrup-cupherownself.Therewasnothingmoretodonow,butforthatdamseltogetupbehindmeonapillion,whichshedid,andputanarmorsoaroundmetoholdon.
　　Andsowestarted,andeverybodygaveusagoodbyeandwavedtheirhandkerchiefsorhelmets.Andeverybodywemet,goingdownthehillandthroughthevillagewasrespectfultous,exceptsomeshabbylittleboysontheoutskirts.
　　Theysaid:
　　"Oh,whataguy!"Andhoveclodsatus.
　　Inmyexperienceboysarethesameinallages.Theydon'trespectanything,theydon'tcareforanythingoranybody.Theysay"Goup,baldhead"totheprophetgoinghisunoffendingwayinthegrayofantiquity;theysassmeintheholygloomoftheMiddleAges;andIhadseenthemactthesamewayinBuchanan'sadministration;Iremember,becauseIwasthereandhelped.
　　Theprophethadhisbearsandsettledwithhisboys;andIwantedtogetdownandsettlewithmine,butitwouldn'tanswer,becauseIcouldn'thavegotupagain.Ihateacountrywithoutaderrick.
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter12Chapter12-SlowTortureSTRAIGHToff,wewereinthecountry.Itwasmostlovelyandpleasantinthosesylvansolitudesintheearlycoolmorninginthefirstfreshnessofautumn.Fromhilltopswesawfairgreenvalleyslyingspreadoutbelow,withstreamswindingthroughthem,andislandgrovesoftreeshereandthere,andhugelonelyoaksscatteredaboutandcastingblackblotsofshade;andbeyondthevalleyswesawtherangesofhills,bluewithhaze,stretchingawayinbillowyperspectivetothehorizon,withatwideintervalsadimfleckofwhiteorgrayonawave-summit,whichweknewwasacastle.
　　Wecrossedbroadnaturallawnssparklingwithdew,andwemovedlikespirits,thecushionedturfgivingoutnosoundoffootfall;wedreamedalongthroughgladesinamistofgreenlightthatgotitstintfromthesun-drenchedroofofleavesoverhead,andbyourfeettheclearestandcoldestofrunletswentfriskingandgossipingoveritsreefsandmakingasortofwhisperingmusic,comfortabletohear;andattimeswelefttheworldbehindandenteredintothesolemngreatdeepsandrichgloomoftheforest,wherefurtivewildthingswhiskedandscurriedbyandweregonebeforeyoucouldevengetyoureyeontheplacewherethenoisewas;andwhereonlytheearliestbirdswereturningoutandgettingtobusinesswithasonghereandaquarrelyonderandamysteriousfaroffhammeringanddrummingforwormsonatreetrunkawaysomewhereintheimpenetrableremotenessesofthewoods.Andbyandbyoutwewouldswingagainintotheglare.
　　Aboutthethirdorfourthorfifthtimethatweswungoutintotheglare——itwasalongtheresomewhere,acoupleofhoursorsoaftersun-up——
　　itwasn'taspleasantasithadbeen.Itwasbeginningtogethot.Thiswasquitenoticeable.Wehadaverylongpull,afterthat,withoutanyshade.Nowitiscurioushowprogressivelylittlefretsgrowandmultiplyaftertheyoncegetastart.ThingswhichIdidn'tmindatall,atfirst,Ibegantomindnow——andmoreandmore,too,allthetime.ThefirsttenorfifteentimesIwantedmyhandkerchiefIdidn'tseemtocare;I
　　gotalong,andsaidnevermind,itisn'tanymatter,anddroppeditoutofmymind.Butnowitwasdifferent;Iwanteditallthetime;itwasnag,nag,nag,rightalong,andnorest;Icouldn'tgetitoutofmymind;
　　andsoatlastIlostmytemperandsaidhangamanthatwouldmakeasuitofarmorwithoutanypocketsinit.YouseeIhadmyhandkerchiefinmyhelmet;andsomeotherthings;butitwasthatkindofahelmetthatyoucan'ttakeoffbyyourself.Thathadn'toccurredtomewhenIputitthere;
　　andinfactIdidn'tknowit.Isupposeditwouldbeparticularlyconvenientthere.Andsonow,thethoughtofitsbeingthere,sohandyandcloseby,andyetnotget-at-able,madeitalltheworseandthehardertobear.
　　Yes,thethingthatyoucan'tgetisthethingthatyouwant,mainly;everyonehasnoticedthat.Well,ittookmymindofffromeverythingelse;tookitclearoff,andcentereditinmyhelmet;andmileaftermile,thereitstayed,imaginingthehandkerchief,picturingthehandkerchief;anditwasbitterandaggravatingtohavethesaltsweatkeeptricklingdownintomyeyes,andIcouldn'tgetatit.Itseemslikealittlething,onpaper,butitwasnotalittlethingatall;itwasthemostrealkindofmisery.Iwouldnotsayitifitwasnotso.ImadeupmymindthatIwouldcarryalongareticulenexttime,letitlookhowitmight,andpeoplesaywhattheywould.OfcoursetheseirondudesoftheRoundTablewouldthinkitwasscandalous,andmayberaiseSheolaboutit,butasforme,givemecomfortfirst,andstyleafterwards.Sowejoggedalong,andnowandthenwestruckastretchofdust,anditwouldtumbleupincloudsandgetintomynoseandmakemesneezeandcry;andofcourseIsaidthingsIoughtn'ttohavesaid,Idon'tdenythat.Iamnotbetterthanothers.
　　Wecouldn'tseemtomeetanybodyinthislonesomeBritain,notevenanogre;and,inthemoodIwasinthen,itwaswellfortheogre;thatis,anogrewithahandkerchief.Mostknightswouldhavethoughtofnothingbutgettinghisarmor;butsoIgothisbandanna,hecouldkeephishardware,forallofme.
　　Meantime,itwasgettinghotterandhotterinthere.Yousee,thesunwasbeatingdownandwarminguptheironmoreandmoreallthetime.Well,whenyouarehot,thatway,everylittlethingirritatesyou.WhenItrotted,Irattledlikeacrateofdishes,andthatannoyedme;andmoreoverIcouldn'tseemtostandthatshieldslattingandbanging,nowaboutmybreast,nowaroundmyback;andifIdroppedintoawalkmyjointscreakedandscreechedinthatwearisomewaythatawheelbarrowdoes,andaswedidn'tcreateanybreezeatthatgait,Iwasliketogetfriedinthatstove;andbesides,thequieteryouwenttheheaviertheironsettleddownonyouandthemoreandmoretonsyouseemedtoweigheveryminute.Andyouhadtobealwayschanginghands,andpassingyourspearovertotheotherfoot,itgotsoirksomeforonehandtoholditlongatatime.
　　Well,youknow,whenyouperspirethatway,inrivers,therecomesatimewhenyou——whenyou——well,whenyouitch.Youareinside,yourhandsareoutside;sothereyouare;nothingbutironbetween.Itisnotalightthing,letitsoundasitmay.Firstitisoneplace;thenanother;
　　thensomemore;anditgoesonspreadingandspreading,andatlasttheterritoryisalloccupied,andnobodycanimaginewhatyoufeellike,norhowunpleasantitis.Andwhenithadgottotheworst,anditseemedtomethatIcouldnotstandanythingmore,aflygotinthroughthebarsandsettledonmynose,andthebarswerestuckandwouldn'twork,andIcouldn'tgetthevisorup;andIcouldonlyshakemyhead,whichwasbakinghotbythistime,andthefly——well,youknowhowaflyactswhenhehasgotacertainty——heonlymindedtheshakingenoughtochangefromnosetolip,andliptoear,andbuzzandbuzzallaroundinthere,andkeeponlightingandbiting,inawaythataperson,alreadysodistressedasIwas,simplycouldnotstand.SoIgavein,andgotAlisandetounshipthehelmetandrelievemeofit.Thensheemptiedtheconveniencesoutofitandfetcheditfullofwater,andIdrankandthenstoodup,andshepouredtherestdowninsidethearmor.Onecannotthinkhowrefreshingitwas.ShecontinuedtofetchandpouruntilIwaswellsoakedandthoroughlycomfortable.
　　Itwasgoodtohavearest——andpeace.Butnothingisquiteperfectinthislife,atanytime.Ihadmadeapipeawhileback,andalsosomeprettyfairtobacco;nottherealthing,butwhatsomeoftheIndiansuse:
　　theinsidebarkofthewillow,dried.Thesecomfortshadbeeninthehelmet,andnowIhadthemagain,butnomatches.
　　Gradually,asthetimeworealong,oneannoyingfactwasborneinuponmyunderstanding——thatwewereweather-bound.Anarmednovicecannotmounthishorsewithouthelpandplentyofit.Sandywasnotenough;notenoughforme,anyway.Wehadtowaituntilsomebodyshouldcomealong.
　　Waiting,insilence,wouldhavebeenagreeableenough,forIwasfullofmatterforreflection,andwantedtogiveitachancetowork.Iwantedtotryandthinkouthowitwasthatrationalorevenhalf-rationalmencouldeverhavelearnedtoweararmor,consideringitsinconveniences;
　　andhowtheyhadmanagedtokeepupsuchafashionforgenerationswhenitwasplainthatwhatIhadsufferedto-daytheyhadhadtosufferallthedaysoftheirlives.Iwantedtothinkthatout;andmoreoverIwantedtothinkoutsomewaytoreformthisevilandpersuadethepeopletoletthefoolishfashiondieout;butthinkingwasoutofthequestioninthecircumstances.Youcouldn'tthink,whereSandywas.
　　Shewasaquitebiddablecreatureandgood-hearted,butshehadaflowoftalkthatwasassteadyasamill,andmadeyourheadsorelikethedraysandwagonsinacity.Ifshehadhadacorkshewouldhavebeenacomfort.Butyoucan'tcorkthatkind;theywoulddie.Herclackwasgoingallday,andyouwouldthinksomethingwouldsurelyhappentoherworks,byandby;butno,theynevergotoutoforder;andsheneverhadtoslackupforwords.Shecouldgrind,andpump,andchurn,andbuzzbytheweek,andneverstoptooiluporblowout.Andyettheresultwasjustnothingbutwind.Sheneverhadanyideas,anymorethanafoghas.Shewasaperfectblatherskite;Imeanforjaw,jaw,jaw,talk,talk,talk,jabber,jabber,jabber;butjustasgoodasshecouldbe.Ihadn'tmindedhermillthatmorning,onaccountofhavingthathornets'nestofothertroubles;butmorethanonceintheafternoonIhadtosay:
　　"Takearest,child;thewayyouareusingupallthedomesticair,thekingdomwillhavetogotoimportingitbyto-morrow,andit'salowenoughtreasurywithoutthat."
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter13Chapter13-FreemenYES,itisstrangehowlittleawhileatatimeapersoncanbecontented.
　　Onlyalittlewhileback,whenIwasridingandsuffering,whataheaventhispeace,thisrest,thissweetserenityinthissecludedshadynookbythispurlingstreamwouldhaveseemed,whereIcouldkeepperfectlycomfortableallthetimebypouringadipperofwaterintomyarmornowandthen;yetalreadyIwasgettingdissatisfied;partlybecauseIcouldnotlightmypipe——for,althoughIhadlongagostartedamatchfactory,Ihadforgottentobringmatcheswithme——andpartlybecausewehadnothingtoeat.Herewasanotherillustrationofthechildlikeimprovidenceofthisageandpeople.Amaninarmoralwaystrustedtochanceforhisfoodonajourney,andwouldhavebeenscandalizedattheideaofhangingabasketofsandwichesonhisspear.TherewasprobablynotaknightofalltheRoundTablecombinationwhowouldnotratherhavediedthanbeencaughtcarryingsuchathingasthatonhisflagstaff.Andyettherecouldnotbeanythingmoresensible.Ithadbeenmyintentiontosmuggleacoupleofsandwichesintomyhelmet,butIwasinterruptedintheact,andhadtomakeanexcuseandlaythemaside,andadoggotthem.
　　Nightapproached,andwithitastorm.Thedarknesscameonfast.Wemustcamp,ofcourse.Ifoundagoodshelterforthedemoiselleunderarock,andwentoffandfoundanotherformyself.ButIwasobligedtoremaininmyarmor,becauseIcouldnotgetitoffbymyselfandyetcouldnotallowAlisandetohelp,becauseitwouldhaveseemedsolikeundressingbeforefolk.Itwouldnothaveamountedtothatinreality,becauseIhadclothesonunderneath;buttheprejudicesofone'sbreedingarenotgottenridofjustatajump,andIknewthatwhenitcametostrippingoffthatbob-tailedironpetticoatIshouldbeembarrassed.
　　Withthestormcameachangeofweather;andthestrongerthewindblew,andthewildertherainlashedaround,thecolderandcolderitgot.Prettysoon,variouskindsofbugsandantsandwormsandthingsbegantoflockinoutofthewetandcrawldowninsidemyarmortogetwarm;andwhilesomeofthembehavedwellenough,andsnuggledupamongstmyclothesandgotquiet,themajoritywereofarestless,uncomfortablesort,andneverstayedstill,butwentonprowlingandhuntingfortheydidnotknowwhat;
　　especiallytheants,whichwentticklingalonginwearisomeprocessionfromoneendofmetotheotherbythehour,andareakindofcreatureswhichIneverwishtosleepwithagain.Itwouldbemyadvicetopersonssituatedinthisway,tonotrollorthrasharound,becausethisexcitestheinterestofallthedifferentsortsofanimalsandmakeseverylastoneofthemwanttoturnoutandseewhatisgoingon,andthismakesthingsworsethantheywerebefore,andofcoursemakesyouobjurgateharder,too,ifyoucan.Still,ifonedidnotrollandthrasharoundhewoulddie;soperhapsitisaswelltodoonewayastheother;thereisnorealchoice.EvenafterIwasfrozensolidIcouldstilldistinguishthattickling,justasacorpsedoeswhenheistakingelectrictreatment.IsaidIwouldneverweararmorafterthistrip.
　　AllthosetryinghourswhilstIwasfrozenandyetwasinalivingfire,asyoumaysay,onaccountofthatswarmofcrawlers,thatsameunanswerablequestionkeptcirclingandcirclingthroughmytiredhead:Howdopeoplestandthismiserablearmor?Howhavetheymanagedtostanditallthesegenerations?Howcantheysleepatnightfordreadingthetorturesofnextday?
　　Whenthemorningcameatlast,Iwasinabadenoughplight:seedy,drowsy,fagged,fromwantofsleep;wearyfromthrashingaround,famishedfromlongfasting;piningforabath,andtogetridoftheanimals;andcrippledwithrheumatism.Andhowhaditfaredwiththenoblyborn,thetitledaristocrat,theDemoiselleAlisandelaCarteloise?Why,shewasasfreshasasquirrel;shehadsleptlikethedead;andasforabath,probablyneithershenoranyothernobleinthelandhadeverhadone,andsoshewasnotmissingit.Measuredbymodernstandards,theyweremerelymodifiedsavages,thosepeople.Thisnobleladyshowednoimpatiencetogettobreakfast——andthatsmacksofthesavage,too.OntheirjourneysthoseBritonswereusedtolongfasts,andknewhowtobearthem;andalsohowtofreightupagainstprobablefastsbeforestarting,afterthestyleoftheIndianandtheanaconda.Aslikeasnot,Sandywasloadedforathree-daystretch.
　　Wewereoffbeforesunrise,SandyridingandIlimpingalongbehind.
　　Inhalfanhourwecameuponagroupofraggedpoorcreatureswhohadassembledtomendthethingwhichwasregardedasaroad.Theywereashumbleasanimalstome;andwhenIproposedtobreakfastwiththem,theyweresoflattered,sooverwhelmedbythisextraordinarycondescensionofminethatatfirsttheywerenotabletobelievethatIwasinearnest.Myladyputupherscornfullipandwithdrewtooneside;shesaidintheirhearingthatshewouldassoonthinkofeatingwiththeothercattle——aremarkwhichembarrassedthesepoordevilsmerelybecauseitreferredtothem,andnotbecauseitinsultedoroffendedthem,foritdidn't.Andyettheywerenotslaves,notchattels.Byasarcasmoflawandphrasetheywerefreemen.Seven-tenthsofthefreepopulationofthecountrywereofjusttheirclassanddegree:small"independent"farmers,artisans,etc.;whichistosay,theywerethenation,theactualNation;theywereaboutallofitthatwasuseful,orworthsaving,orreallyrespect-worthy,andtosubtractthemwouldhavebeentosubtracttheNationandleavebehindsomedregs,somerefuse,intheshapeofaking,nobilityandgentry,idle,unproductive,acquaintedmainlywiththeartsofwastinganddestroying,andofnosortofuseorvalueinanyrationallyconstructedworld.Andyet,byingeniouscontrivance,thisgildedminority,insteadofbeinginthetailoftheprocessionwhereitbelonged,wasmarchingheadupandbannersflying,attheotherendofit;hadelecteditselftobetheNation,andtheseinnumerableclamshadpermitteditsolongthattheyhadcomeatlasttoacceptitasatruth;andnotonlythat,buttobelieveitrightandasitshouldbe.ThepriestshadtoldtheirfathersandthemselvesthatthisironicalstateofthingswasordainedofGod;andso,notreflectinguponhowunlikeGoditwouldbetoamusehimselfwithsarcasms,andespeciallysuchpoortransparentonesasthis,theyhaddroppedthematterthereandbecomerespectfullyquiet.
　　ThetalkofthesemeekpeoplehadastrangeenoughsoundinaformerlyAmericanear.Theywerefreemen,buttheycouldnotleavetheestatesoftheirlordortheirbishopwithouthispermission;theycouldnotpreparetheirownbread,butmusthavetheircorngroundandtheirbreadbakedathismillandhisbakery,andpayroundlyforthesame;theycouldnotsellapieceoftheirownpropertywithoutpayinghimahandsomepercentageoftheproceeds,norbuyapieceofsomebodyelse'swithoutrememberinghimincashfortheprivilege;theyhadtoharvesthisgrainforhimgratis,andbereadytocomeatamoment'snotice,leavingtheirowncroptodestructionbythethreatenedstorm;theyhadtolethimplantfruittreesintheirfields,andthenkeeptheirindignationtothemselveswhenhisheedlessfruit-gathererstrampledthegrainaroundthetrees;theyhadtosmothertheirangerwhenhishuntingpartiesgallopedthroughtheirfieldslayingwastetheresultoftheirpatienttoil;theywerenotallowedtokeepdovesthemselves,andwhentheswarmsfrommylord'sdovecotesettledontheircropstheymustnotlosetheirtemperandkillabird,forawfulwouldthepenaltybe;whentheharvestwasatlastgathered,thencametheprocessionofrobberstolevytheirblackmailuponit:firsttheChurchcartedoffitsfattenth,thentheking'scommissionertookhistwentieth,thenmylord'speoplemadeamightyinroadupontheremainder;afterwhich,theskinnedfreemanhadlibertytobestowtheremnantinhisbarn,incaseitwasworththetrouble;thereweretaxes,andtaxes,andtaxes,andmoretaxes,andtaxesagain,andyetothertaxes——uponthisfreeandindependentpauper,butnoneuponhislordthebaronorthebishop,noneuponthewastefulnobilityortheall-devouringChurch;ifthebaronwouldsleepunvexed,thefreemanmustsitupallnightafterhisday'sworkandwhipthepondstokeepthefrogsquiet;ifthefreeman'sdaughter——butno,thatlastinfamyofmonarchicalgovernmentisunprintable;andfinally,ifthefreeman,growndesperatewithhistortures,foundhislifeunendurableundersuchconditions,andsacrificeditandfledtodeathformercyandrefuge,thegentleChurchcondemnedhimtoeternalfire,thegentlelawburiedhimatmidnightatthecross-roadswithastakethroughhisback,andhismasterthebaronorthebishopconfiscatedallhispropertyandturnedhiswidowandhisorphansoutofdoors.
　　Andherewerethesefreemenassembledintheearlymorningtoworkontheirlordthebishop'sroadthreedayseach——gratis;everyheadofafamily,andeverysonofafamily,threedayseach,gratis,andadayorsoaddedfortheirservants.Why,itwaslikereadingaboutFranceandtheFrench,beforetheevermemorableandblessedRevolution,whichsweptathousandyearsofsuchvillanyawayinoneswifttidal-waveofblood——one:asettlementofthathoarydebtintheproportionofhalfadropofbloodforeachhogsheadofitthathadbeenpressedbyslowtorturesoutofthatpeopleinthewearystretchoftencenturiesofwrongandshameandmiserythelikeofwhichwasnottobematedbutinhell.Thereweretwo"ReignsofTerror,"ifwewouldbutrememberitandconsiderit;theonewroughtmurderinhotpassion,theotherinheartlesscoldblood;theonelastedmeremonths,theotherhadlastedathousandyears;theoneinflicteddeathupontenthousandpersons,theotheruponahundredmillions;
　　butourshuddersareallforthe"horrors"oftheminorTerror,themomentaryTerror,sotospeak;whereas,whatisthehorrorofswiftdeathbytheaxe,comparedwithlifelongdeathfromhunger,cold,insult,cruelty,andheart-break?Whatisswiftdeathbylightningcomparedwithdeathbyslowfireatthestake?AcitycemeterycouldcontainthecoffinsfilledbythatbriefTerrorwhichwehaveallbeensodiligentlytaughttoshiveratandmournover;butallFrancecouldhardlycontainthecoffinsfilledbythatolderandrealTerror——thatunspeakablybitterandawfulTerrorwhichnoneofushasbeentaughttoseeinitsvastnessorpityasitdeserves.
　　Thesepoorostensiblefreemenwhoweresharingtheirbreakfastandtheirtalkwithme,wereasfullofhumblereverencefortheirkingandChurchandnobilityastheirworstenemycoulddesire.Therewassomethingpitifullyludicrousaboutit.Iaskedthemiftheysupposedanationofpeopleeverexisted,who,withafreevoteineveryman'shand,wouldelectthatasinglefamilyanditsdescendantsshouldreignoveritforever,whethergiftedorboobies,totheexclusionofallotherfamilies——includingthevoter's;andwouldalsoelectthatacertainhundredfamiliesshouldberaisedtodizzysummitsofrank,andclothedonwithoffensivetransmissiblegloriesandprivilegestotheexclusionoftherestofthenation'sfamilies——INCLUDINGHISOWN.
　　Theyalllookedunhit,andsaidtheydidn'tknow;thattheyhadneverthoughtaboutitbefore,andithadn'teveroccurredtothemthatanationcouldbesosituatedthateverymanCOULDhaveasayinthegovernment.
　　IsaidIhadseenone——andthatitwouldlastuntilithadanEstablishedChurch.Againtheywereallunhit——atfirst.Butpresentlyonemanlookedupandaskedmetostatethatpropositionagain;andstateitslowly,soitcouldsoakintohisunderstanding.Ididit;andafteralittlehehadtheidea,andhebroughthisfistdownandsaidHEdidn'tbelieveanationwhereeverymanhadavotewouldvoluntarilygetdowninthemudanddirtinanysuchway;andthattostealfromanationitswillandpreferencemustbeacrimeandthefirstofallcrimes.Isaidtomyself:
　　"Thisone'saman.IfIwerebackedbyenoughofhissort,Iwouldmakeastrikeforthewelfareofthiscountry,andtrytoprovemyselfitsloyalestcitizenbymakingawholesomechangeinitssystemofgovernment."
　　Youseemykindofloyaltywasloyaltytoone'scountry,nottoitsinstitutionsoritsoffice-holders.Thecountryistherealthing,thesubstantialthing,theeternalthing;itisthethingtowatchover,andcarefor,andbeloyalto;institutionsareextraneous,theyareitsmereclothing,andclothingcanwearout,becomeragged,ceasetobecomfortable,ceasetoprotectthebodyfromwinter,disease,anddeath.Tobeloyaltorags,toshoutforrags,toworshiprags,todieforrags——thatisaloyaltyofunreason,itispureanimal;itbelongstomonarchy,wasinventedbymonarchy;letmonarchykeepit.IwasfromConnecticut,whoseConstitutiondeclares"thatallpoliticalpowerisinherentinthepeople,andallfreegovernmentsarefoundedontheirauthorityandinstitutedfortheirbenefit;
　　andthattheyhaveATALLTIMESanundeniableandindefeasiblerighttoALTERTHEIRFORMOFGOVERNMENTinsuchamannerastheymaythinkexpedient."
　　Underthatgospel,thecitizenwhothinksheseesthatthecommonwealth'spoliticalclothesarewornout,andyetholdshispeaceanddoesnotagitateforanewsuit,isdisloyal;heisatraitor.Thathemaybetheonlyonewhothinksheseesthisdecay,doesnotexcusehim;itishisdutytoagitateanyway,anditisthedutyoftheotherstovotehimdowniftheydonotseethematterashedoes.
　　AndnowhereIwas,inacountrywherearighttosayhowthecountryshouldbegovernedwasrestrictedtosixpersonsineachthousandofitspopulation.Fortheninehundredandninety-fourtoexpressdissatisfactionwiththeregnantsystemandproposetochangeit,wouldhavemadethewholesixshudderasoneman,itwouldhavebeensodisloyal,sodishonorable,suchputridblacktreason.Sotospeak,Iwasbecomeastockholderinacorporationwhereninehundredandninety-fourofthemembersfurnishedallthemoneyanddidallthework,andtheothersixelectedthemselvesapermanentboardofdirectionandtookallthedividends.Itseemedtomethatwhattheninehundredandninety-fourdupesneededwasanewdeal.
　　ThethingthatwouldhavebestsuitedthecircussideofmynaturewouldhavebeentoresigntheBoss-shipandgetupaninsurrectionandturnitintoarevolution;butIknewthattheJackCadeortheWatTylerwhotriessuchathingwithoutfirsteducatinghismaterialsuptorevolutiongradeisalmostabsolutelycertaintogetleft.Ihadneverbeenaccustomedtogettingleft,evenifIdosayitmyself.Wherefore,the"deal"whichhadbeenforsometimeworkingintoshapeinmymindwasofaquitedifferentpatternfromtheCade-Tylersort.
　　SoIdidnottalkbloodandinsurrectiontothatmantherewhosatmunchingblackbreadwiththatabusedandmistaughtherdofhumansheep,buttookhimasideandtalkedmatterofanothersorttohim.AfterIhadfinished,Igothimtolendmealittleinkfromhisveins;andwiththisandasliverIwroteonapieceofbark——
　　PuthimintheMan-factory——
　　andgaveittohim,andsaid:
　　"TakeittothepalaceatCamelotandgiveitintothehandsofAmyaslePoulet,whomIcallClarence,andhewillunderstand."
　　"Heisapriest,then,"saidtheman,andsomeoftheenthusiasmwentoutofhisface.
　　"How——apriest?Didn'tItellyouthatnochatteloftheChurch,nobond-slaveofpopeorbishopcanentermyMan-Factory?Didn'tItellyouthatYOUcouldn'tenterunlessyourreligion,whateveritmightbe,wasyourownfreeproperty?"
　　"Marry,itisso,andforthatIwasglad;whereforeitlikedmenot,andbredinmeacolddoubt,tohearofthispriestbeingthere."
　　"Butheisn'tapriest,Itellyou."
　　Themanlookedfarfromsatisfied.Hesaid:
　　"Heisnotapriest,andyetcanread?"
　　"Heisnotapriestandyetcanread——yes,andwrite,too,forthatmatter.Itaughthimmyself."Theman'sfacecleared."AnditisthefirstthingthatyouyourselfwillbetaughtinthatFactory——"
　　"I?Iwouldgivebloodoutofmyhearttoknowthatart.Why,Iwillbeyourslave,your——"
　　"Noyouwon't,youwon'tbeanybody'sslave.Takeyourfamilyandgoalong.Yourlordthebishopwillconfiscateyoursmallproperty,butnomatter.Clarencewillfixyouallright."
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter14Chapter14-"DefendThee,Lord"IPAIDthreepenniesformybreakfast,andamostextravagantpriceitwas,too,seeingthatonecouldhavebreakfastedadozenpersonsforthatmoney;butIwasfeelinggoodbythistime,andIhadalwaysbeenakindofspendthriftanyway;andthenthesepeoplehadwantedtogivemethefoodfornothing,scantastheirprovisionwas,andsoitwasagratefulpleasuretoemphasizemyappreciationandsincerethankfulnesswithagoodbigfinancialliftwherethemoneywoulddosomuchmoregoodthanitwouldinmyhelmet,where,thesepenniesbeingmadeofironandnotstintedinweight,myhalf-dollar'sworthwasagooddealofaburdentome.Ispentmoneyrathertoofreelyinthosedays,itistrue;butonereasonforitwasthatIhadn'tgottheproportionsofthingsentirelyadjusted,evenyet,aftersolongasojourninBritain——hadn'tgotalongtowhereI
　　wasabletoabsolutelyrealizethatapennyinArthur'slandandacoupleofdollarsinConnecticutwereaboutoneandthesamething:justtwins,asyoumaysay,inpurchasingpower.IfmystartfromCamelotcouldhavebeendelayedaveryfewdaysIcouldhavepaidthesepeopleinbeautifulnewcoinsfromourownmint,andthatwouldhavepleasedme;andthem,too,notless.IhadadoptedtheAmericanvaluesexclusively.Inaweekortwonow,cents,nickels,dimes,quarters,andhalf-dollars,andalsoatrifleofgold,wouldbetricklinginthinbutsteadystreamsallthroughthecommercialveinsofthekingdom,andIlookedtoseethisnewbloodfreshenupitslife.
　　Thefarmerswereboundtothrowinsomething,tosortofoffsetmyliberality,whetherIwouldorno;soIletthemgivemeaflintandsteel;andassoonastheyhadcomfortablybestowedSandyandmeonourhorse,Ilitmypipe.Whenthefirstblastofsmokeshotoutthroughthebarsofmyhelmet,allthosepeoplebrokeforthewoods,andSandywentoverbackwardsandstruckthegroundwithadullthud.TheythoughtIwasoneofthosefire-belchingdragonstheyhadheardsomuchaboutfromknightsandotherprofessionalliars.Ihadinfinitetroubletopersuadethosepeopletoventurebackwithinexplainingdistance.ThenItoldthemthatthiswasonlyabitofenchantmentwhichwouldworkharmtononebutmyenemies.
　　AndIpromised,withmyhandonmyheart,thatifallwhofeltnoenmitytowardmewouldcomeforwardandpassbeforemetheyshouldseethatonlythosewhoremainedbehindwouldbestruckdead.Theprocessionmovedwithagooddealofpromptness.Therewerenocasualtiestoreport,fornobodyhadcuriosityenoughtoremainbehindtoseewhatwouldhappen.
　　Ilostsometime,now,forthesebigchildren,theirfearsgone,becamesoravishedwithwonderovermyawe-compellingfireworksthatIhadtostaythereandsmokeacoupleofpipesoutbeforetheywouldletmego.
　　Stillthedelaywasnotwhollyunproductive,forittookallthattimetogetSandythoroughlywontedtothenewthing,shebeingsoclosetoit,youknow.Itpluggedupherconversationmill,too,foraconsiderablewhile,andthatwasagain.Butaboveallotherbenefitsaccruing,Ihadlearnedsomething.Iwasreadyforanygiantoranyogrethatmightcomealong,now.
　　Wetarriedwithaholyhermit,thatnight,andmyopportunitycameaboutthemiddleofthenextafternoon.Wewerecrossingavastmeadowbywayofshort-cut,andIwasmusingabsently,hearingnothing,seeingnothing,whenSandysuddenlyinterruptedaremarkwhichshehadbegunthatmorning,withthecry:
　　"Defendthee,lord!——periloflifeistoward!"
　　Andsheslippeddownfromthehorseandranalittlewayandstood.
　　Ilookedupandsaw,faroffintheshadeofatree,halfadozenarmedknightsandtheirsquires;andstraightwaytherewasbustleamongthemandtighteningofsaddle-girthsforthemount.Mypipewasreadyandwouldhavebeenlit,ifIhadnotbeenlostinthinkingabouthowtobanishoppressionfromthislandandrestoretoallitspeopletheirstolenrightsandmanhoodwithoutdisobliginganybody.Ilitupatonce,andbythetimeIhadgotagoodheadofreservedsteamon,heretheycame.Alltogether,too;noneofthosechivalrousmagnanimitieswhichonereadssomuchabout——onecourtlyrascalatatime,andthereststandingbytoseefairplay.No,theycameinabody,theycamewithawhirrandarush,theycamelikeavolleyfromabattery;camewithheadslowdown,plumesstreamingoutbehind,lancesadvancedatalevel.Itwasahandsomesight,abeautifulsight——foramanupatree.Ilaidmylanceinrestandwaited,withmyheartbeating,tilltheironwavewasjustreadytobreakoverme,thenspoutedacolumnofwhitesmokethroughthebarsofmyhelmet.Youshouldhaveseenthewavegotopiecesandscatter!Thiswasafinersightthantheotherone.
　　Butthesepeoplestopped,twoorthreehundredyardsaway,andthistroubledme.Mysatisfactioncollapsed,andfearcame;IjudgedIwasalostman.ButSandywasradiant;andwasgoingtobeeloquent——butI
　　stoppedher,andtoldhermymagichadmiscarried,somehoworother,andshemustmount,withalldespatch,andwemustrideforlife.No,shewouldn't.
　　Shesaidthatmyenchantmenthaddisabledthoseknights;theywerenotridingon,becausetheycouldn't;wait,theywoulddropoutoftheirsaddlespresently,andwewouldgettheirhorsesandharness.Icouldnotdeceivesuchtrustingsimplicity,soIsaiditwasamistake;thatwhenmyfireworkskilledatall,theykilledinstantly;no,themenwouldnotdie,therewassomethingwrongaboutmyapparatus,Icouldn'ttellwhat;butwemusthurryandgetaway,forthosepeoplewouldattackusagain,inaminute.
　　Sandylaughed,andsaid:
　　"Lack-a-day,sir,theybenotofthatbreed!SirLauncelotwillgivebattletodragons,andwillabidebythem,andwillassailthemagain,andyetagain,andstillagain,untilhedoconqueranddestroythem;andsolikewisewillSirPellinoreandSirAglovaleandSirCarados,andmayhapothers,buttherebenoneelsethatwillventureit,lettheidlesaywhattheidlewill.And,la,astoyonderbaserufflers,thinkyetheyhavenottheirfill,butyetdesiremore?"