Merlinarrivedinagloomymood.Isaid:
　　"YouwantedtoburnmealivewhenIhadnotdoneyouanyharm,andlatterlyyouhavebeentryingtoinjuremyprofessionalreputation.ThereforeI
　　amgoingtocalldownfireandblowupyourtower,butitisonlyfairtogiveyouachance;nowifyouthinkyoucanbreakmyenchantmentsandwardoffthefires,steptothebat,it'syourinnings."
　　"Ican,fairsir,andIwill.Doubtitnot."
　　Hedrewanimaginarycircleonthestonesoftheroof,andburntapinchofpowderinit,whichsentupasmallcloudofaromaticsmoke,whereateverybodyfellbackandbegantocrossthemselvesandgetuncomfortable.
　　Thenhebegantomutterandmakepassesintheairwithhishands.Heworkedhimselfupslowlyandgraduallyintoasortoffrenzy,andgottothrashingaroundwithhisarmslikethesailsofawindmill.Bythistimethestormhadaboutreachedus;thegustsofwindwereflaringthetorchesandmakingtheshadowsswashabout,thefirstheavydropsofrainwerefalling,theworldabroadwasblackaspitch,thelightningbegantowinkfitfully.
　　Ofcourse,myrodwouldbeloadingitselfnow.Infact,thingswereimminent.
　　SoIsaid:
　　"Youhavehadtimeenough.Ihavegivenyoueveryadvantage,andnotinterfered.Itisplainyourmagicisweak.ItisonlyfairthatIbeginnow."
　　Imadeaboutthreepassesintheair,andthentherewasanawfulcrashandthatoldtowerleapedintotheskyinchunks,alongwithavastvolcanicfountainoffirethatturnednighttonoonday,andshowedathousandacresofhumanbeingsgrovelingonthegroundinageneralcollapseofconsternation.
　　Well,itrainedmortarandmasonrytherestoftheweek.Thiswasthereport;
　　butprobablythefactswouldhavemodifiedit.
　　Itwasaneffectivemiracle.Thegreatbothersometemporarypopulationvanished.Therewereagoodmanythousandtracksinthemudthenextmorning,buttheywerealloutwardbound.IfIhadadvertisedanothermiracleI
　　couldn'thaveraisedanaudiencewithasheriff.
　　Merlin'sstockwasflat.Thekingwantedtostophiswages;heevenwantedtobanishhim,butIinterfered.Isaidhewouldbeusefultoworktheweather,andattendtosmallmatterslikethat,andIwouldgivehimaliftnowandthenwhenhispoorlittleparlormagicsouredonhim.Therewasn'taragofhistowerleft,butIhadthegovernmentrebuilditforhim,andadvisedhimtotakeboarders;buthewastoohightonedforthat.
　　Andasforbeinggrateful,heneverevensaidthankyou.Hewasaratherhardlot,takehimhowyoumight;butthenyoucouldn'tfairlyexpectamantobesweetthathadbeensetbackso.
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter8Chapter8-TheBossTObevestedwithenormousauthorityisafinething;buttohavetheon-lookingworldconsenttoitisafiner.Thetowerepisodesolidifiedmypower,andmadeitimpregnable.Ifanywereperchancedisposedtobejealousandcriticalbeforethat,theyexperiencedachangeofheart,now.Therewasnotanyoneinthekingdomwhowouldhaveconsidereditgoodjudgmenttomeddlewithmymatters.
　　Iwasfastgettingadjustedtomysituationandcircumstances.Foratime,Iusedtowakeup,mornings,andsmileatmy"dream,"andlistenfortheColt'sfactorywhistle;butthatsortofthingplayeditselfout,gradually,andatlastIwasfullyabletorealizethatIwasactuallylivinginthesixthcentury,andinArthur'scourt,notalunaticasylum.
　　Afterthat,IwasjustasmuchathomeinthatcenturyasIcouldhavebeeninanyother;andasforpreference,Iwouldn'thavetradeditforthetwentieth.Lookattheopportunitieshereforamanofknowledge,brains,pluck,andenterprisetosailinandgrowupwiththecountry.Thegrandestfieldthateverwas;andallmyown;notacompetitor;notamanwhowasn'tababytomeinacquirementsandcapacities;whereas,whatwouldIamounttointhetwentiethcentury?Ishouldbeforemanofafactory,thatisaboutall;andcoulddragaseinedownstreetanydayandcatchahundredbettermenthanmyself.
　　WhatajumpIhadmade!Icouldn'tkeepfromthinkingaboutit,andcontemplatingit,justasonedoeswhohasstruckoil.Therewasnothingbackofmethatcouldapproachit,unlessitmightbeJoseph'scase;andJoseph'sonlyapproachedit,itdidn'tequalit,quite.ForitstandstoreasonthatasJoseph'ssplendidfinancialingenuitiesadvantagednobodybuttheking,thegeneralpublicmusthaveregardedhimwithagooddealofdisfavor,whereasIhaddonemyentirepublicakindnessinsparingthesun,andwaspopularbyreasonofit.
　　Iwasnoshadowofaking;Iwasthesubstance;thekinghimselfwastheshadow.Mypowerwascolossal;anditwasnotamerename,assuchthingshavegenerallybeen,itwasthegenuinearticle.Istoodhere,attheveryspringandsourceofthesecondgreatperiodoftheworld'shistory;
　　andcouldseethetricklingstreamofthathistorygatheranddeepenandbroaden,androllitsmightytidesdownthefarcenturies;andIcouldnotetheupspringingofadventurerslikemyselfintheshelterofitslongarrayofthrones:DeMontforts,Gavestons,Mortimers,Villierses;thewar-making,campaign-directingwantonsofFrance,andCharlestheSecond'sscepter-wieldingdrabs;butnowhereintheprocessionwasmyfullsizedfellowvisible.I
　　wasaUnique;andgladtoknowthatthatfactcouldnotbedislodgedorchallengedforthirteencenturiesandahalf,forsure.Yes,inpowerI
　　wasequaltotheking.Atthesametimetherewasanotherpowerthatwasatriflestrongerthanbothofusputtogether.ThatwastheChurch.I
　　donotwishtodisguisethatfact.Icouldn't,ifIwantedto.Butnevermindaboutthat,now;itwillshowup,initsproperplace,lateron.Itdidn'tcausemeanytroubleinthebeginning——atleastanyofconsequence.
　　Well,itwasacuriouscountry,andfullofinterest.Andthepeople!
　　Theywerethequaintestandsimplestandtrustingestrace;why,theywerenothingbutrabbits.ItwaspitifulforapersonborninawholesomefreeatmospheretolistentotheirhumbleandheartyoutpouringsofloyaltytowardtheirkingandChurchandnobility;asiftheyhadanymoreoccasiontoloveandhonorkingandChurchandnoblethanaslavehastoloveandhonorthelash,oradoghastoloveandhonorthestrangerthatkickshim!Why,dearme,ANYkindofroyalty,howsoevermodified,ANYkindofaristocracy,howsoeverpruned,isrightlyaninsult;butifyouarebornandbroughtupunderthatsortofarrangementyouprobablyneverfinditoutforyourself,anddon'tbelieveitwhensomebodyelsetellsyou.Itisenoughtomakeabodyashamedofhisracetothinkofthesortoffroththathasalwaysoccupieditsthroneswithoutshadowofrightorreason,andtheseventh-ratepeoplethathavealwaysfiguredasitsaristocracies——acompanyofmonarchsandnobleswho,asarule,wouldhaveachievedonlypovertyandobscurityifleft,liketheirbetters,totheirownexertions.
　　ThemostofKingArthur'sBritishnationwereslaves,pureandsimple,andborethatname,andworetheironcollarontheirnecks;andtherestwereslavesinfact,butwithoutthename;theyimaginedthemselvesmenandfreemen,andcalledthemselvesso.Thetruthwas,thenationasabodywasintheworldforoneobject,andoneonly:togrovelbeforekingandChurchandnoble;toslaveforthem,sweatbloodforthem,starvethattheymightbefed,workthattheymightplay,drinkmiserytothedregsthattheymightbehappy,gonakedthattheymightwearsilksandjewels,paytaxesthattheymightbesparedfrompayingthem,befamiliaralltheirliveswiththedegradinglanguageandposturesofadulationthattheymightwalkinprideandthinkthemselvesthegodsofthisworld.Andforallthis,thethankstheygotwerecuffsandcontempt;andsopoor-spiritedweretheythattheytookeventhissortofattentionasanhonor.
　　Inheritedideasareacuriousthing,andinterestingtoobserveandexamine.Ihadmine,thekingandhispeoplehadtheirs.Inbothcasestheyflowedinrutsworndeepbytimeandhabit,andthemanwhoshouldhaveproposedtodivertthembyreasonandargumentwouldhavehadalongcontractonhishands.Forinstance,thosepeoplehadinheritedtheideathatallmenwithouttitleandalongpedigree,whethertheyhadgreatnaturalgiftsandacquirementsorhadn't,werecreaturesofnomoreconsiderationthansomanyanimals,bugs,insects;whereasIhadinheritedtheideathathumandawswhocanconsenttomasqueradeinthepeacock-shamsofinheriteddignitiesandunearnedtitles,areofnogoodbuttobelaughedat.ThewayIwaslookeduponwasodd,butitwasnatural.Youknowhowthekeeperandthepublicregardtheelephantinthemenagerie:well,thatistheidea.Theyarefullofadmirationofhisvastbulkandhisprodigiousstrength;
　　theyspeakwithprideofthefactthathecandoahundredmarvelswhicharefarandawaybeyondtheirownpowers;andtheyspeakwiththesameprideofthefactthatinhiswrathheisabletodriveathousandmenbeforehim.ButdoesthatmakehimoneofTHEM?No;theraggedesttrampinthepitwouldsmileattheidea.Hecouldn'tcomprehendit;couldn'ttakeitin;couldn'tinanyremotewayconceiveofit.Well,totheking,thenobles,andallthenation,downtotheveryslavesandtramps,Iwasjustthatkindofanelephant,andnothingmore.Iwasadmired,alsofeared;
　　butitwasasananimalisadmiredandfeared.Theanimalisnotreverenced,neitherwasI;Iwasnotevenrespected.Ihadnopedigree,noinheritedtitle;sointheking'sandnobles'eyesIwasmeredirt;thepeopleregardedmewithwonderandawe,buttherewasnoreverencemixedwithit;throughtheforceofinheritedideastheywerenotabletoconceiveofanythingbeingentitledtothatexceptpedigreeandlordship.Thereyouseethehandofthatawfulpower,theRomanCatholicChurch.Intwoorthreelittlecenturiesithadconvertedanationofmentoanationofworms.BeforethedayoftheChurch'ssupremacyintheworld,menweremen,andheldtheirheadsup,andhadaman'sprideandspiritandindependence;andwhatofgreatnessandpositionapersongot,hegotmainlybyachievement,notbybirth.ButthentheChurchcametothefront,withanaxetogrind;
　　andshewaswise,subtle,andknewmorethanonewaytoskinacat——oranation;sheinvented"divinerightofkings,"andproppeditallaround,brickbybrick,withtheBeatitudes——wrenchingthemfromtheirgoodpurposetomakethemfortifyanevilone;shepreachedtothecommonerhumility,obediencetosuperiors,thebeautyofself-sacrifice;shepreachedtothecommonermeeknessunderinsult;preachedstilltothecommoner,alwaystothecommonerpatience,meannessofspirit,non-resistanceunderoppression;
　　andsheintroducedheritableranksandaristocracies,andtaughtalltheChristianpopulationsoftheearthtobowdowntothemandworshipthem.
　　Evendowntomybirth-centurythatpoisonwasstillinthebloodofChristendom,andthebestofEnglishcommonerswasstillcontenttoseehisinferiorsimpudentlycontinuingtoholdanumberofpositions,suchaslordshipsandthethrone,towhichthegrotesquelawsofhiscountrydidnotallowhimtoaspire;infact,hewasnotmerelycontentedwiththisstrangeconditionofthings,hewasevenabletopersuadehimselfthathewasproudofit.
　　Itseemstoshowthatthereisn'tanythingyoucan'tstand,ifyouareonlybornandbredtoit.Ofcoursethattaint,thatreverenceforrankandtitle,hadbeeninourAmericanblood,too——Iknowthat;butwhenIleftAmericaithaddisappeared——atleasttoallintentsandpurposes.
　　Theremnantofitwasrestrictedtothedudesanddudesses.Whenadiseasehasworkeditswaydowntothatlevel,itmayfairlybesaidtobeoutofthesystem.
　　ButtoreturntomyanomalouspositioninKingArthur'skingdom.HereIwas,agiantamongpigmies,amanamongchildren,amasterintelligenceamongintellectualmoles:byallrationalmeasurementtheoneandonlyactuallygreatmaninthatwholeBritishworld;andyetthereandthen,justasintheremoteEnglandofmybirth-time,thesheep-wittedearlwhocouldclaimlongdescentfromaking'sleman,acquiredatsecond-handfromtheslumsofLondon,wasabettermanthanIwas.SuchapersonagewasfawneduponinArthur'srealmandreverentlylookeduptobyeverybody,eventhoughhisdispositionswereasmeanashisintelligence,andhismoralsasbaseashislineage.ThereweretimeswhenHEcouldsitdownintheking'spresence,butIcouldn't.Icouldhavegotatitleeasilyenough,andthatwouldhaveraisedmealargestepineverybody'seyes;
　　evenintheking's,thegiverofit.ButIdidn'taskforit;andIdeclineditwhenitwasoffered.Icouldn'thaveenjoyedsuchathingwithmynotions;
　　anditwouldn'thavebeenfair,anyway,becauseasfarbackasIcouldgo,ourtribehadalwaysbeenshortofthebarsinister.Icouldn'thavefeltreallyandsatisfactorilyfineandproudandset-upoveranytitleexceptonethatshouldcomefromthenationitself,theonlylegitimatesource;andsuchanoneIhopedtowin;andinthecourseofyearsofhonestandhonorableendeavor,Ididwinitanddidwearitwithahighandcleanpride.Thistitlefellcasuallyfromthelipsofablacksmith,oneday,inavillage,wascaughtupasahappythoughtandtossedfrommouthtomouthwithalaughandanaffirmativevote;intendaysithadsweptthekingdom,andwasbecomeasfamiliarastheking'sname.Iwasneverknownbyanyotherdesignationafterward,whetherinthenation'stalkoringravedebateuponmattersofstateatthecouncil-boardofthesovereign.
　　Thistitle,translatedintomodernspeech,wouldbeTHEBOSS.Electedbythenation.Thatsuitedme.Anditwasaprettyhightitle.TherewereveryfewTHE'S,andIwasoneofthem.Ifyouspokeoftheduke,ortheearl,orthebishop,howcouldanybodytellwhichoneyoumeant?ButifyouspokeofTheKingorTheQueenorTheBoss,itwasdifferent.
　　Well,Ilikedtheking,andaskingIrespectedhim——respectedtheoffice;atleastrespecteditasmuchasIwascapableofrespectinganyunearnedsupremacy;butasMENIlookeddownuponhimandhisnobles——
　　privately.Andheandtheylikedme,andrespectedmyoffice;butasananimal,withoutbirthorshamtitle,theylookeddownuponme——andwerenotparticularlyprivateaboutit,either.Ididn'tchargeformyopinionaboutthem,andtheydidn'tchargefortheiropinionaboutme:theaccountwassquare,thebooksbalanced,everybodywassatisfied.
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter9Chapter9-TheTournamentTHEYwerealwayshavinggrandtournamentsthereatCamelot;andverystirringandpicturesqueandridiculoushumanbull-fightstheywere,too,butjustalittlewearisometothepracticalmind.However,Iwasgenerallyonhand——fortworeasons:amanmustnotholdhimselfalooffromthethingswhichhisfriendsandhiscommunityhaveatheartifhewouldbeliked——especiallyasastatesman;andbothasbusinessmanandstatesmanIwantedtostudythetournamentandseeifIcouldn'tinventanimprovementonit.Thatremindsmetoremark,inpassing,thattheveryfirstofficialthingI
　　did,inmyadministration——anditwasontheveryfirstdayofit,too——wastostartapatentoffice;forIknewthatacountrywithoutapatentofficeandgoodpatentlawswasjustacrab,andcouldn'ttravelanywaybutsidewaysorbackways.
　　Thingsranalong,atournamentnearlyeveryweek;andnowandthentheboysusedtowantmetotakeahand——ImeanSirLauncelotandtherest——butIsaidIwouldbyandby;nohurryyet,andtoomuchgovernmentmachinerytooilupandsettorightsandstarta-going.
　　Wehadonetournamentwhichwascontinuedfromdaytodayduringmorethanaweek,andasmanyasfivehundredknightstookpartinit,fromfirsttolast.Theywereweeksgathering.Theycameonhorsebackfromeverywhere;
　　fromtheveryendsofthecountry,andevenfrombeyondthesea;andmanybroughtladies,andallbroughtsquiresandtroopsofservants.Itwasamostgaudyandgorgeouscrowd,astocostumery,andverycharacteristicofthecountryandthetime,inthewayofhighanimalspirits,innocentindecenciesoflanguage,andhappy-heartedindifferencetomorals.Itwasfightorlookon,alldayandeveryday;andsing,gamble,dance,carousehalfthenighteverynight.Theyhadamostnoblegoodtime.Youneversawsuchpeople.Thosebanksofbeautifulladies,shiningintheirbarbaricsplendors,wouldseeaknightsprawlfromhishorseinthelistswithalanceshaftthethicknessofyouranklecleanthroughhimandthebloodspouting,andinsteadoffaintingtheywouldclaptheirhandsandcrowdeachotherforabetterview;onlysometimesonewoulddiveintoherhandkerchief,andlookostentatiouslybroken-hearted,andthenyoucouldlaytwotoonethattherewasascandaltheresomewhereandshewasafraidthepublichadn'tfounditout.
　　Thenoiseatnightwouldhavebeenannoyingtomeordinarily,butI
　　didn'tminditinthepresentcircumstances,becauseitkeptmefromhearingthequacksdetachinglegsandarmsfromtheday'scripples.Theyruinedanuncommongoodoldcross-cutsawforme,andbrokethesaw-buck,too,butIletitpass.Andasformyaxe——well,ImadeupmymindthatthenexttimeIlentanaxetoasurgeonIwouldpickmycentury.
　　Inotonlywatchedthistournamentfromdaytoday,butdetailedanintelligentpriestfrommyDepartmentofPublicMoralsandAgriculture,andorderedhimtoreportit;foritwasmypurposebyandby,whenIshouldhavegottenthepeoplealongfarenough,tostartanewspaper.Thefirstthingyouwantinanewcountry,isapatentoffice;thenworkupyourschoolsystem;andafterthat,outwithyourpaper.Anewspaperhasitsfaults,andplentyofthem,butnomatter,it'sharkfromthetombforadeadnation,anddon'tyouforgetit.Youcan'tresurrectadeadnationwithoutit;thereisn'tanyway.SoIwantedtosamplethings,andbefindingoutwhatsortofreportermaterialImightbeabletoraketogetheroutofthesixthcenturywhenIshouldcometoneedit.
　　Well,thepriestdidverywell,considering.Hegotinallthedetails,andthatisagoodthinginalocalitem:yousee,hehadkeptbooksfortheundertakerdepartmentofhischurchwhenhewasyounger,andthere,youknow,themoney'sinthedetails;themoredetails,themoreswag:
　　bearers,mutes,candles,prayers——everythingcounts;andifthebereaveddon'tbuyprayersenoughyoumarkupyourcandleswithaforkedpencil,andyourbillshowsupallright.Andhehadagoodknackatgettinginthecomplimentarythinghereandthereaboutaknightthatwaslikelytoadvertise——no,Imeanaknightthathadinfluence;andhealsohadaneatgiftofexaggeration,forinhistimehehadkeptdoorforapioushermitwholivedinastyandworkedmiracles.
　　Ofcoursethisnovice'sreportlackedwhoopandcrashandluriddescription,andthereforewantedthetruering;butitsantiquewordingwasquaintandsweetandsimple,andfullofthefragrancesandflavorsofthetime,andtheselittlemeritsmadeupinameasureforitsmoreimportantlacks.
　　Hereisanextractfromit:
　　ThenSirBriandelesIslesandGrummoreGrummorsum,knightsofthecastle,encounteredwithSirAglovaleandSirTor,andSirTorsmotedownSirGrummoreGrummorsumtotheearth.ThencameSirCaradosofthedoloroustower,andSirTurquine,knightsofthecastle,andthereencounteredwiththemSirPercivaledeGalisandSirLamorakdeGalis,thatweretwobrethren,andthereencounteredSirPercivalewithSirCarados,andeitherbraketheirspearsuntotheirhands,andthenSirTurquinewithSirLamorak,andeitherofthemsmotedownother,horseandall,totheearth,andeitherpartiesrescuedotherandhorsedthemagain.AndSirArnold,andSirGauter,knightsofthecastle,encounteredwithSirBrandilesandSirKay,andthesefourknightsencounteredmightily,andbraketheirspearstotheirhands.ThencameSirPertolopefromthecastle,andthereencounteredwithhimSirLionel,andthereSirPertolopethegreenknightsmotedownSirLionel,brothertoSirLauncelot.Allthiswasmarkedbynobleheralds,whobarehimbest,andtheirnames.ThenSirBleobarisbrakehisspearuponSirGareth,butofthatstrokeSirBleobarisfelltotheearth.WhenSirGalihodinsawthat,hebadSirGarethkeephim,andSirGarethsmotehimtotheearth.ThenSirGalihudgataspeartoavengehisbrother,andinthesamewiseSirGarethservedhim,andSirDinadanandhisbrotherLaCoteMaleTaile,andSirSagramoreleDisirous,andSirDodinasleSavage;
　　allthesehebaredownwithonespear.WhenKingAswisanceofIrelandsawSirGarethfaresohemarvelledwhathemightbe,thatonetimeseemedgreen,andanothertime,athisagaincoming,heseemedblue.Andthusateverycoursethatherodetoandfrohechangedhiscolor,sothattheremightneitherkingnorknighthavereadycognizanceofhim.ThenSirAgwisancetheKingofIrelandencounteredwithSirGareth,andthereSirGarethsmotehimfromhishorse,saddleandall.AndthencameKingCaradosofScotland,andSirGarethsmotehimdownhorseandman.AndinthesamewiseheservedKingUriensofthelandofGore.AndthentherecameinSixBagdemagus,andSirGarethsmotehimdownhorseandmantotheearth.AndBagdemagus'ssonMeliganusbrakeaspearuponSirGarethmightilyandknightly.AndthenSirGalahaultthenobleprincecriedonhigh,Knightwiththemanycolors,wellhastthoujusted;nowmaketheereadythatImayjustwiththee.SirGarethheardhim,andhegatagreatspear,andsotheyencounteredtogether,andtheretheprincebrakehisspear;butSirGarethsmotehimupontheleftsideofthehelm,thathereeledhereandthere,andhehadfallendownhadnothismenrecoveredhim.Truly,saidKingArthur,thatknightwiththemanycolorsisagoodknight.WhereforethekingcalleduntohimSirLauncelot,andprayedhimtoencounterwiththatknight.Sir,saidLauncelot,Imayaswellfindinmyheartfortoforbearhimatthistime,forhehathhadtravailenoughthisday,andwhenagoodknightdothsowelluponsomeday,itisnogoodknight'sparttolethimofhisworship,and,namely,whenheseethaknighthathdonesogreatlabour;forperadventure,saidSirLauncelot,hisquarrelisherethisday,andperadventureheisbestbelovedwiththisladyofallthatbehere,forIseewellhepainethhimselfandenforcethhimtodogreatdeeds,andtherefore,saidSirLauncelot,asforme,thisdayheshallhavethehonour;thoughitlayinmypowertoputhimfromit,Iwouldnot.
　　Therewasanunpleasantlittleepisodethatday,whichforreasonsofstateIstruckoutofmypriest'sreport.YouwillhavenoticedthatGarrywasdoingsomegreatfightingintheengagement.WhenIsayGarryImeanSirGareth.Garrywasmyprivatepetnameforhim;itsuggeststhatIhadadeepaffectionforhim,andthatwasthecase.Butitwasaprivatepetnameonly,andneverspokenaloudtoanyone,muchlesstohim;beinganoble,hewouldnothaveenduredafamiliaritylikethatfromme.Well,toproceed:Isatintheprivateboxsetapartformeastheking'sminister.
　　WhileSirDinadanwaswaitingforhisturntoenterthelists,hecameinthereandsatdownandbegantotalk;forhewasalwaysmakinguptome,becauseIwasastrangerandhelikedtohaveafreshmarketforhisjokes,themostofthemhavingreachedthatstageofwearwherethetellerhastodothelaughinghimselfwhiletheotherpersonlookssick.IhadalwaysrespondedtohiseffortsaswellasIcould,andfeltaverydeepandrealkindnessforhim,too,forthereasonthatifbymaliceoffateheknewtheoneparticularanecdotewhichIhadheardoftenestandhadmosthatedandmostloathedallmylife,hehadatleastspareditme.
　　ItwasonewhichIhadheardattributedtoeveryhumorouspersonwhohadeverstoodonAmericansoil,fromColumbusdowntoArtemusWard.Itwasaboutahumorouslecturerwhofloodedanignorantaudiencewiththekillingestjokesforanhourandnevergotalaugh;andthenwhenhewasleaving,somegraysimpletonswrunghimgratefullybythehandandsaidithadbeenthefunniestthingtheyhadeverheard,and"itwasalltheycoulddotokeepfromlaughin'rightoutinmeetin'."Thatanecdoteneversawthedaythatitwasworththetelling;andyetIhadsatunderthetellingofithundredsandthousandsandmillionsandbillionsoftimes,andcriedandcursedallthewaythrough.Thenwhocanhopetoknowwhatmyfeelingswere,tohearthisarmorplatedassstartinonitagain,inthemurkytwilightoftradition,beforethedawnofhistory,whileevenLactantiusmightbereferredtoas"thelateLactantius,"andtheCrusadeswouldn'tbebornforfivehundredyearsyet?Justashefinished,thecall-boycame;so,haw-hawinglikeademon,hewentrattlingandclankingoutlikeacrateofloosecastings,andIknewnothingmore.ItwassomeminutesbeforeIcameto,andthenIopenedmyeyesjustintimetoseeSirGarethfetchhimanawfulwelt,andIunconsciouslyoutwiththeprayer,"Ihopetogracioushe'skilled!"Butbyill-luck,beforeIhadgothalfthroughwiththewords,SirGarethcrashedintoSirSagramorleDesirousandsenthimthunderingoverhishorse'scrupper,andSirSagramorcaughtmyremarkandthoughtImeantitforHIM.
　　Well,wheneveroneofthosepeoplegotathingintohishead,therewasnogettingitoutagain.Iknewthat,soIsavedmybreath,andofferednoexplanations.AssoonasSirSagramorgotwell,henotifiedmethattherewasalittleaccounttosettlebetweenus,andhenamedadaythreeorfouryearsinthefuture;placeofsettlement,thelistswheretheoffensehadbeengiven.IsaidIwouldbereadywhenhegotback.Yousee,hewasgoingfortheHolyGrail.TheboysalltookaflierattheHolyGrailnowandthen.Itwasaseveralyears'cruise.Theyalwaysputinthelongabsencesnoopingaround,inthemostconscientiousway,thoughnoneofthemhadanyideawheretheHolyGrailreallywas,andIdon'tthinkanyofthemactuallyexpectedtofindit,orwouldhaveknownwhattodowithitifheHADrunacrossit.Yousee,itwasjusttheNorthwestPassageofthatday,asyoumaysay;thatwasall.Everyyearexpeditionswentoutholygrailing,andnextyearreliefexpeditionswentouttohuntforTHEM.Therewasworldsofreputationinit,butnomoney.Why,theyactuallywantedMEtoputin!Well,Ishouldsmile.
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter10Chapter10-BeginningsofCivilizationTHERoundTablesoonheardofthechallenge,andofcourseitwasagooddealdiscussed,forsuchthingsinterestedtheboys.ThekingthoughtI
　　oughtnowtosetforthinquestofadventures,sothatImightgainrenownandbethemoreworthytomeetSirSagramorwhentheseveralyearsshouldhaverolledaway.Iexcusedmyselfforthepresent;Isaiditwouldtakemethreeorfouryearsyettogetthingswellfixedupandgoingsmoothly;
　　thenIshouldbeready;allthechanceswerethatattheendofthattimeSirSagramorwouldstillbeoutgrailing,sonovaluabletimewouldbelostbythepostponement;Ishouldthenhavebeeninofficesixorsevenyears,andIbelievedmysystemandmachinerywouldbesowelldevelopedthatIcouldtakeaholidaywithoutitsworkinganyharm.
　　IwasprettywellsatisfiedwithwhatIhadalreadyaccomplished.InvariousquietnooksandcornersIhadthebeginningsofallsortsofindustriesunderway——nucleioffuturevastfactories,theironandsteelmissionariesofmyfuturecivilization.IntheseweregatheredtogetherthebrightestyoungmindsIcouldfind,andIkeptagentsoutrakingthecountryformore,allthetime.Iwastrainingacrowdofignorantfolkintoexperts——expertsineverysortofhandiworkandscientificcalling.Thesenurseriesofminewentsmoothlyandprivatelyalongundisturbedintheirobscurecountryretreats,fornobodywasallowedtocomeintotheirprecinctswithoutaspecialpermit——forIwasafraidoftheChurch.
　　Ihadstartedateacher-factoryandalotofSundayschoolsthefirstthing;asaresult,Inowhadanadmirablesystemofgradedschoolsinfullblastinthoseplaces,andalsoacompletevarietyofProtestantcongregationsallinaprosperousandgrowingcondition.EverybodycouldbeanykindofaChristianhewantedto;therewasperfectfreedominthatmatter.
　　ButIconfinedpublicreligiousteachingtothechurchesandtheSunday-schools,permittingnothingofitinmyothereducationalbuildings.IcouldhavegivenmyownsectthepreferenceandmadeeverybodyaPresbyterianwithoutanytrouble,butthatwouldhavebeentoaffrontalawofhumannature:
　　spiritualwantsandinstinctsareasvariousinthehumanfamilyasarephysicalappetites,complexions,andfeatures,andamanisonlyathisbest,morally,whenheisequippedwiththereligiousgarmentwhosecolorandshapeandsizemostnicelyaccommodatethemselvestothespiritualcomplexion,angularities,andstatureoftheindividualwhowearsit;and,besides,IwasafraidofaunitedChurch;itmakesamightypower,themightiestconceivable,andthenwhenitbyandbygetsintoselfishhands,asitisalwaysboundtodo,itmeansdeathtohumanlibertyandparalysistohumanthought.
　　Allmineswereroyalproperty,andtherewereagoodmanyofthem.Theyhadformerlybeenworkedassavagesalwaysworkmines——holesgrubbedintheearthandthemineralbroughtupinsacksofhidebyhand,attherateofatonaday;butIhadbeguntoputtheminingonascientificbasisasearlyasIcould.
　　Yes,IhadmadeprettyhandsomeprogresswhenSirSagramor'schallengestruckme.
　　Fouryearsrolledby——andthen!Well,youwouldneverimagineitintheworld.Unlimitedpoweristheidealthingwhenitisinsafehands.
　　Thedespotismofheavenistheoneabsolutelyperfectgovernment.Anearthlydespotismwouldbetheabsolutelyperfectearthlygovernment,iftheconditionswerethesame,namely,thedespottheperfectestindividualofthehumanrace,andhisleaseoflifeperpetual.Butasaperishableperfectmanmustdie,andleavehisdespotisminthehandsofanimperfectsuccessor,anearthlydespotismisnotmerelyabadformofgovernment,itistheworstformthatispossible.
　　Myworksshowedwhatadespotcoulddowiththeresourcesofakingdomathiscommand.Unsuspectedbythisdarkland,Ihadthecivilizationofthenineteenthcenturyboomingunderitsverynose!Itwasfencedawayfromthepublicview,butthereitwas,agiganticandunassailablefact——andtobeheardfrom,yet,ifIlivedandhadluck.Thereitwas,assureafactandassubstantialafactasanyserenevolcano,standinginnocentwithitssmokelesssummitintheblueskyandgivingnosignoftherisinghellinitsbowels.Myschoolsandchurcheswerechildrenfouryearsbefore;
　　theyweregrown-upnow;myshopsofthatdaywerevastfactoriesnow;whereIhadadozentrainedmenthen,Ihadathousandnow;whereIhadonebrilliantexpertthen,Ihadfiftynow.Istoodwithmyhandonthecock,sotospeak,readytoturnitonandfloodthemidnightworldwithlightatanymoment.
　　ButIwasnotgoingtodothethinginthatsuddenway.Itwasnotmypolicy.
　　Thepeoplecouldnothavestoodit;and,moreover,IshouldhavehadtheEstablishedRomanCatholicChurchonmybackinaminute.
　　No,Ihadbeengoingcautiouslyallthewhile.Ihadhadconfidentialagentstricklingthroughthecountrysometime,whoseofficewastoundermineknighthoodbyimperceptibledegrees,andtognawalittleatthisandthatandtheothersuperstition,andsopreparethewaygraduallyforabetterorderofthings.Iwasturningonmylightone-candle-poweratatime,andmeanttocontinuetodoso.
　　Ihadscatteredsomebranchschoolssecretlyaboutthekingdom,andtheyweredoingverywell.Imeanttoworkthisracketmoreandmore,astimeworeon,ifnothingoccurredtofrightenme.OneofmydeepestsecretswasmyWestPoint——mymilitaryacademy.Ikeptthatmostjealouslyoutofsight;andIdidthesamewithmynavalacademywhichIhadestablishedataremoteseaport.Bothwereprosperingtomysatisfaction.
　　Clarencewastwenty-twonow,andwasmyheadexecutive,myrighthand.
　　Hewasadarling;hewasequaltoanything;therewasn'tanythinghecouldn'tturnhishandto.OflateIhadbeentraininghimforjournalism,forthetimeseemedaboutrightforastartinthenewspaperline;nothingbig,butjustasmallweeklyforexperimentalcirculationinmycivilizationnurseries.Hetooktoitlikeaduck;therewasaneditorconcealedinhim,sure.Alreadyhehaddoubledhimselfinoneway;hetalkedsixthcenturyandwrotenineteenth.Hisjournalisticstylewasclimbing,steadily;itwasalreadyuptothebacksettlementAlabamamark,andcouldn'tbetoldfromtheeditorialoutputofthatregioneitherbymatterorflavor.
　　Wehadanotherlargedepartureonhand,too.Thiswasatelegraphandatelephone;ourfirstventureinthisline.Thesewireswereforprivateserviceonly,asyet,andmustbekeptprivateuntilariperdayshouldcome.Wehadagangofmenontheroad,workingmainlybynight.Theywerestringinggroundwires;wewereafraidtoputuppoles,fortheywouldattracttoomuchinquiry.Groundwiresweregoodenough,inbothinstances,formywireswereprotectedbyaninsulationofmyowninventionwhichwasperfect.Mymenhadorderstostrikeacrosscountry,avoidingroads,andestablishingconnectionwithanyconsiderabletownswhoselightsbetrayedtheirpresence,andleavingexpertsincharge.Nobodycouldtellyouhowtofindanyplaceinthekingdom,fornobodyeverwentintentionallytoanyplace,butonlystruckitbyaccidentinhiswanderings,andthengenerallyleftitwithoutthinkingtoinquirewhatitsnamewas.Atonetimeandanotherwehadsentouttopographicalexpeditionstosurveyandmapthekingdom,butthepriestshadalwaysinterferedandraisedtrouble.Sowehadgiventhethingup,forthepresent;itwouldbepoorwisdomtoantagonizetheChurch.
　　Asforthegeneralconditionofthecountry,itwasasithadbeenwhenIarrivedinit,toallintentsandpurposes.Ihadmadechanges,buttheywerenecessarilyslight,andtheywerenotnoticeable.Thusfar,Ihadnotevenmeddledwithtaxation,outsideofthetaxeswhichprovidedtheroyalrevenues.Ihadsystematizedthose,andputtheserviceonaneffectiveandrighteousbasis.Asaresult,theserevenueswerealreadyquadrupled,andyettheburdenwassomuchmoreequablydistributedthanbefore,thatallthekingdomfeltasenseofrelief,andthepraisesofmyadministrationwereheartyandgeneral.
　　Personally,Istruckaninterruption,now,butIdidnotmindit,itcouldnothavehappenedatabettertime.Earlieritcouldhaveannoyedme,butnoweverythingwasingoodhandsandswimmingrightalong.Thekinghadremindedmeseveraltimes,oflate,thatthepostponementIhadaskedfor,fouryearsbefore,hadaboutrunoutnow.ItwasahintthatIoughttobestartingouttoseekadventuresandgetupareputationofasizetomakemeworthyofthehonorofbreakingalancewithSirSagramor,whowasstilloutgrailing,butwasbeinghuntedforbyvariousreliefexpeditions,andmightbefoundanyyear,now.SoyouseeIwasexpectingthisinterruption;itdidnottakemebysurprise.
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter11Chapter11-TheYankeeinSearchofAdventuresTHEREneverwassuchacountryforwanderingliars;andtheywereofbothsexes.Hardlyamonthwentbywithoutoneofthesetrampsarriving;andgenerallyloadedwithataleaboutsomeprincessorotherwantinghelptogetheroutofsomefar-awaycastlewhereshewasheldincaptivitybyalawlessscoundrel,usuallyagiant.Nowyouwouldthinkthatthefirstthingthekingwoulddoafterlisteningtosuchanovelettefromanentirestranger,wouldbetoaskforcredentials——yes,andapointerortwoastolocalityofcastle,bestroutetoit,andsoon.Butnobodyeverthoughtofsosimpleandcommon-senseathingatthat.No,everybodyswallowedthesepeople'slieswhole,andneveraskedaquestionofanysortoraboutanything.Well,onedaywhenIwasnotaround,oneofthesepeoplecamealong——itwasasheone,thistime——andtoldataleoftheusualpattern.
　　Hermistresswasacaptiveinavastandgloomycastle,alongwithforty-fourotheryoungandbeautifulgirls,prettymuchallofthemprincesses;theyhadbeenlanguishinginthatcruelcaptivityfortwenty-sixyears;themastersofthecastlewerethreestupendousbrothers,eachwithfourarmsandoneeye——theeyeinthecenteroftheforehead,andasbigasafruit.
　　Sortoffruitnotmentioned;theirusualslovenlinessinstatistics.
　　Wouldyoubelieveit?ThekingandthewholeRoundTablewereinrapturesoverthispreposterousopportunityforadventure.EveryknightoftheTablejumpedforthechance,andbeggedforit;buttotheirvexationandchagrinthekingconferredituponme,whohadnotaskedforitatall.
　　Byaneffort,IcontainedmyjoywhenClarencebroughtmethenews.
　　Buthe——hecouldnotcontainhis.Hismouthgusheddelightandgratitudeinasteadydischarge——delightinmygoodfortune,gratitudetothekingforthissplendidmarkofhisfavorforme.Hecouldkeepneitherhislegsnorhisbodystill,butpirouettedabouttheplaceinanairyecstasyofhappiness.
　　Onmyside,Icouldhavecursedthekindnessthatconferreduponmethisbenefaction,butIkeptmyvexationunderthesurfaceforpolicy'ssake,anddidwhatIcouldtoletontobeglad.Indeed,ISAIDIwasglad.
　　Andinawayitwastrue;Iwasasgladasapersoniswhenheisscalped.
　　Well,onemustmakethebestofthings,andnotwastetimewithuselessfretting,butgetdowntobusinessandseewhatcanbedone.Inallliesthereiswheatamongthechaff;Imustgetatthewheatinthiscase:soIsentforthegirlandshecame.Shewasacomelyenoughcreature,andsoftandmodest,but,ifsignswentforanything,shedidn'tknowasmuchasalady'swatch.Isaid:
　　"Mydear,haveyoubeenquestionedastoparticulars?"
　　Shesaidshehadn't.
　　"Well,Ididn'texpectyouhad,butIthoughtIwouldask,tomakesure;
　　it'sthewayI'vebeenraised.Nowyoumustn'ttakeitunkindlyifIremindyouthataswedon'tknowyou,wemustgoalittleslow.Youmaybeallright,ofcourse,andwe'llhopethatyouare;buttotakeitforgrantedisn'tbusiness.YOUunderstandthat.I'mobligedtoaskyouafewquestions;
　　justanswerupfairandsquare,anddon'tbeafraid.Wheredoyoulive,whenyouareathome?"
　　"InthelandofModer,fairsir."
　　"LandofModer.Idon'trememberhearingofitbefore.Parentsliving?"
　　"Astothat,Iknownotiftheybeyetonlive,sithitismanyyearsthatIhavelainshutupinthecastle."
　　"Yourname,please?"
　　"IhighttheDemoiselleAlisandelaCarteloise,anitpleaseyou."
　　"Doyouknowanybodyherewhocanidentifyyou?"
　　"Thatwerenotlikely,fairlord,Ibeingcomehithernowforthefirsttime."
　　"Haveyoubroughtanyletters——anydocuments——anyproofsthatyouaretrustworthyandtruthful?"
　　"Ofasurety,no;andwhereforeshouldI?HaveInotatongue,andcannotIsayallthatmyself?"
　　"ButYOURsayingit,youknow,andsomebodyelse'ssayingit,isdifferent."
　　"Different?Howmightthatbe?IfearmeIdonotunderstand."
　　"Don'tUNDERSTAND?Landof——why,yousee——yousee——why,greatScott,can'tyouunderstandalittlethinglikethat?Can'tyouunderstandthedifferencebetweenyour——WHYdoyoulooksoinnocentandidiotic!"