"Wepay20.Whatdoyoupayforbeer?"
　　"Itcostethus81/2milraysthepint."
　　"Wegetitfor4;25bottlesforacent.Whatdoyoupayforwheat?"
　　"Attherateof900milraysthebushel."
　　"Wepay400.Whatdoyoupayforaman'stowlinensuit?"
　　"Thirteencents."
　　"Wepay6.Whatdoyoupayforastuffgownforthewifeofthelaborerorthemechanic?"
　　"Wepay8.4.0."
　　"Well,observethedifference:youpayeightcentsandfourmills,wepayonlyfourcents."Ipreparednowtosockittohim.lsaid:"Lookhere,dearfriend,WHAT'SBECOMEOFYOURHIGHWAGESYOUWEREBRAGGINGSOABOUT
　　AFEWMINUTESAGO?"——andIlookedaroundonthecompanywithplacidsatisfaction,forIhadslippeduponhimgraduallyandtiedhimhandandfoot,yousee,withouthisevernoticingthathewasbeingtiedatall."What'sbecomeofthosenoblehighwagesofyours?——Iseemtohaveknockedthestuffingalloutofthem,itappearstome."
　　Butifyouwillbelieveme,hemerelylookedsurprised,thatisall!
　　hedidn'tgraspthesituationatall,didn'tknowhehadwalkedintoatrap,didn'tdiscoverthathewasINatrap.Icouldhaveshothim,fromsheervexation.Withcloudyeyeandastrugglingintellecthefetchedthisout:
　　"Marry,Iseemnottounderstand.ItisPROVEDthatourwagesbedoublethine;howthenmayitbethatthou'stknockedtherefromthestuffing?——
　　anmiscallnotthewonderlyword,thisbeingthefirsttimeundergraceandprovidenceofGodithathbeengrantedmetohearit."
　　Well,Iwasstunned;partlywiththisunlooked-forstupidityonhispart,andpartlybecausehisfellowssomanifestlysidedwithhimandwereofhismind——ifyoumightcallitmind.Mypositionwassimpleenough,plainenough;howcoulditeverbesimplifiedmore?However,Imusttry:
　　"Why,lookhere,brotherDowley,don'tyousee?YourwagesaremerelyhigherthanoursinNAME,notinFACT."
　　"Hearhim!TheyaretheDOUBLE——yehaveconfessedityourself."
　　"Yes-yes,Idon'tdenythatatall.Butthat'sgotnothingtodowithit;theAMOUNTofthewagesinmerecoins,withmeaninglessnamesattachedtothemtoknowthemby,hasgotnothingtodowithit.Thethingis,howmuchcanyouBUYwithyourwages?——that'stheidea.Whileitistruethatwithyouagoodmechanicisallowedaboutthreedollarsandahalfayear,andwithusonlyaboutadollarandseventy-five——"
　　"There——ye'reconfessingitagain,ye'reconfessingitagain!"
　　"Confoundit,I'veneverdeniedit,Itellyou!WhatIsayisthis.
　　WithusHALFadollarbuysmorethanaDOLLARbuyswithyou——andTHEREFORE
　　itstandstoreasonandthecommonestkindofcommon-sense,thatourwagesareHIGHERthanyours."
　　Helookeddazed,andsaid,despairingly:
　　"Verily,Icannotmakeitout.Ye'vejustsaidoursarethehigher,andwiththesamebreathyetakeitback."
　　"Oh,greatScott,isn'titpossibletogetsuchasimplethingthroughyourhead?Nowlookhere——letmeillustrate.Wepayfourcentsforawoman'sstuffgown,youpay8.4.0,whichisfourmillsmorethanDOUBLE.
　　Whatdoyouallowalaboringwomanwhoworksonafarm?"
　　"Twomillsaday."
　　"Verygood;weallowbuthalfasmuch;wepayheronlyatenthofacentaday;and——"
　　"Againye'reconf——"
　　"Wait!Now,yousee,thethingisverysimple;thistimeyou'llunderstandit.Forinstance,ittakesyourwoman42daystoearnhergown,at2millsaday——7weeks'work;butoursearnshersinfortydays——twodaysSHORT
　　of7weeks.Yourwomanhasagown,andherwholesevenweekswagesaregone;ourshasagown,andtwodays'wagesleft,tobuysomethingelsewith.There——NOWyouunderstandit!"
　　Helooked——well,hemerelylookeddubious,it'sthemostIcansay;
　　sodidtheothers.Iwaited——toletthethingwork.Dowleyspokeatlast——andbetrayedthefactthatheactuallyhadn'tgottenawayfromhisrootedandgroundedsuperstitionsyet.Hesaid,withatrifleofhesitancy:
　　"But——but——yecannotfailtograntthattwomillsadayisbetterthanone."
　　Shucks!Well,ofcourse,Ihatedtogiveitup.SoIchancedanotherflyer:
　　"Letussupposeacase.Supposeoneofyourjourneymengoesoutandbuysthefollowingarticles:
　　"1poundofsalt;1dozeneggs;1dozenpintsofbeer;1bushelofwheat;
　　1tow-linensuit;5poundsofbeef;5poundsofmutton.
　　"Thelotwillcosthim32cents.Ittakeshim32workingdaystoearnthemoney——5weeksand2days.Lethimcometousandwork32daysatHALFthewages;hecanbuyallthosethingsforashadeunder141/2cents;
　　theywillcosthimashadeunder29days'work,andhewillhaveabouthalfaweek'swagesover.Carryitthroughtheyear;hewouldsavenearlyaweek'swageseverytwomonths,YOURmannothing;thussavingfiveorsixweeks'wagesinayear,yourmannotacent.NOWIreckonyouunderstandthat'highwages'and'lowwages'arephrasesthatdon'tmeananythingintheworlduntilyoufindoutwhichofthemwillBUYthemost!"
　　Itwasacrusher.
　　But,alas!itdidn'tcrush.No,Ihadtogiveitup.WhatthosepeoplevaluedwasHIGHWAGES;itdidn'tseemtobeamatterofanyconsequencetothemwhetherthehighwageswouldbuyanythingornot.Theystoodfor"protection,"andsworebyit,whichwasreasonableenough,becauseinterestedpartieshadgulledthemintothenotionthatitwasprotectionwhichhadcreatedtheirhighwages.Iprovedtothemthatinaquarterofacenturytheirwageshadadvancedbut30percent.,whilethecostoflivinghadgoneup100;andthatwithus,inashortertime,wageshadadvanced40
　　percent.whilethecostoflivinghadgonesteadilydown.Butitdidn'tdoanygood.Nothingcouldunseattheirstrangebeliefs.
　　Well,Iwassmartingunderasenseofdefeat.Undeserveddefeat,butwhatofthat?Thatdidn'tsoftenthesmartany.Andtothinkofthecircumstances!
　　thefirststatesmanoftheage,thecapablestman,thebest-informedmanintheentireworld,theloftiestuncrownedheadthathadmovedthroughthecloudsofanypoliticalfirmamentforcenturies,sittinghereapparentlydefeatedinargumentbyanignorantcountryblacksmith!AndIcouldseethatthoseothersweresorryforme——whichmademeblushtillIcouldsmellmywhiskersscorching.Putyourselfinmyplace;feelasmeanasIdid,asashamedasIfelt——wouldn'tYOUhavestruckbelowthebelttogeteven?Yes,youwould;itissimplyhumannature.Well,thatiswhatIdid.Iamnottryingtojustifyit;I'monlysayingthatIwasmad,andANYBODYwouldhavedoneit.
　　Well,whenImakeupmymindtohitaman,Idon'tplanoutalove-tap;
　　no,thatisn'tmyway;aslongasI'mgoingtohithimatall,I'mgoingtohithimalifter.AndIdon'tjumpathimallofasudden,andriskmakingablunderinghalf-waybusinessofit;no,Igetawayoffyondertooneside,andworkuponhimgradually,sothatheneversuspectsthatI'mgoingtohithimatall;andbyandby,allinaflash,he'sflatonhisback,andhecan'ttellforthelifeofhimhowitallhappened.ThatisthewayIwentforbrotherDowley.Istartedtotalkinglazyandcomfortable,asifIwasjusttalkingtopassthetime;andtheoldestmanintheworldcouldn'thavetakenthebearingsofmystartingplaceandguessedwhereIwasgoingtofetchup:
　　"Boys,there'sagoodmanycuriousthingsaboutlaw,andcustom,andusage,andallthatsortofthing,whenyoucometolookatit;yes,andaboutthedriftandprogressofhumanopinionandmovement,too.Therearewrittenlaws——theyperish;buttherearealsounwrittenlaws——THEY
　　areeternal.Taketheunwrittenlawofwages:itsaysthey'vegottoadvance,littlebylittle,straightthroughthecenturies.Andnoticehowitworks.
　　Weknowwhatwagesarenow,hereandthereandyonder;westrikeanaverage,andsaythat'sthewagesofto-day.Weknowwhatthewageswereahundredyearsago,andwhattheyweretwohundredyearsago;that'sasfarbackaswecanget,butitsufficestogiveusthelawofprogress,themeasureandrateoftheperiodicalaugmentation;andso,withoutadocumenttohelpus,wecancomeprettyclosetodeterminingwhatthewageswerethreeandfourandfivehundredyearsago.Good,sofar.Dowestopthere?No.
　　Westoplookingbackward;wefacearoundandapplythelawtothefuture.
　　Myfriends,Icantellyouwhatpeople'swagesaregoingtobeatanydateinthefutureyouwanttoknow,forhundredsandhundredsofyears."
　　"What,goodman,what!"
　　"Yes.Insevenhundredyearswageswillhaverisentosixtimeswhattheyarenow,hereinyourregion,andfarmhandswillbeallowed3centsaday,andmechanics6."
　　"Iwould'tImightdienowandlivethen!"interruptedSmug,thewheelwright,withafineavariciousglowinhiseye.
　　"Andthatisn'tall;they'llgettheirboardbesides——suchasitis:
　　itwon'tbloatthem.Twohundredandfiftyyearslater——payattentionnow——amechanic'swageswillbe——mindyou,thisislaw,notguesswork;
　　amechanic'swageswillthenbeTWENTYcentsaday!"
　　Therewasageneralgaspofawedastonishment,Dickonthemasonmurmured,withraisedeyesandhands:
　　"Morethanthreeweeks'payforoneday'swork!"
　　"Riches!——ofatruth,yes,riches!"mutteredMarco,hisbreathcomingquickandshort,withexcitement.
　　"Wageswillkeeponrising,littlebylittle,littlebylittle,assteadilyasatreegrows,andattheendofthreehundredandfortyyearsmorethere'llbeatleastONEcountrywherethemechanic'saveragewagewillbeTWOHUNDRED
　　centsaday!"
　　Itknockedthemabsolutelydumb!Notamanofthemcouldgethisbreathforupwardsoftwominutes.Thenthecoal-burnersaidprayerfully:
　　"MightIbutlivetoseeit!"
　　"Itistheincomeofanearl!"saidSmug.
　　"Anearl,sayye?"saidDowley;"yecouldsaymorethanthatandspeaknolie;there'snoearlintherealmofBagdemagusthathathanincomeliketothat.Incomeofanearl——mf!it'stheincomeofanangel!"
　　"Now,then,thatiswhatisgoingtohappenasregardswages.Inthatremoteday,thatmanwillearn,withONEweek'swork,thatbillofgoodswhichittakesyouupwardsofFIFTYweekstoearnnow.Someotherprettysurprisingthingsaregoingtohappen,too.BrotherDowley,whoisitthatdetermines,everyspring,whattheparticularwageofeachkindofmechanic,laborer,andservantshallbeforthatyear?"
　　"Sometimesthecourts,sometimesthetowncouncil;butmostofall,themagistrate.Yemaysay,ingeneralterms,itisthemagistratethatfixesthewages."
　　"Doesn'taskanyofthosepoordevilstoHELPhimfixtheirwagesforthem,doeshe?"
　　"Hm!ThatWEREanidea!Themasterthat'stopayhimthemoneyistheonethat'srightlyconcernedinthatmatter,yewillnotice"
　　"Yes——butIthoughttheothermanmighthavesomelittletrifleatstakeinit,too;andevenhiswifeandchildren,poorcreatures.Themastersarethese:nobles,richmen,theprosperousgenerally.Thesefew,whodonowork,determinewhatpaythevasthiveshallhavewhoDOwork.Yousee?
　　They'rea'combine'——atradeunion,tocoinanewphrase——whobandthemselvestogethertoforcetheirlowlybrothertotakewhattheychoosetogive.Thirteenhundredyearshence——sosaystheunwrittenlaw——the'combine'willbetheotherway,andthenhowthesefinepeople'sposteritywillfumeandfretandgrittheirteethovertheinsolenttyrannyoftradeunions!Yes,indeed!themagistratewilltranquillyarrangethewagesfromnowclearawaydownintothenineteenthcentury;andthenallofasuddenthewage-earnerwillconsiderthatacoupleofthousandyearsorsoisenoughofthisone-sidedsortofthing;andhewillriseupandtakeahandinfixinghiswageshimself.Ah,hewillhavealongandbitteraccountofwrongandhumiliationtosettle."
　　"Doyebelieve——"
　　"Thatheactuallywillhelptofixhisownwages?Yes,indeed.Andhewillbestrongandable,then."
　　"Bravetimes,bravetimes,ofatruth!"sneeredtheprosperoussmith.
　　"Oh,——andthere'sanotherdetail.Inthatday,amastermayhireamanforonlyjustoneday,oroneweek,oronemonthatatime,ifhewantsto."
　　"What?"
　　"It'strue.Moreover,amagistratewon'tbeabletoforceamantoworkforamasterawholeyearonastretchwhetherthemanwantstoornot."
　　"WilltherebeNOlaworsenseinthatday?"
　　"Bothofthem,Dowley.Inthatdayamanwillbehisownproperty,notthepropertyofmagistrateandmaster.Andhecanleavetownwheneverhewantsto,ifthewagesdon'tsuithim!——andtheycan'tputhiminthepilloryforit."
　　"Perditioncatchsuchanage!"shoutedDowley,instrongindignation.
　　"Anageofdogs,anagebarrenofreverenceforsuperiorsandrespectforauthority!Thepillory——"
　　"Oh,wait,brother;saynogoodwordforthatinstitution.Ithinkthepilloryoughttobeabolished."
　　"Amoststrangeidea.Why?"
　　"Well,I'lltellyouwhy.Isamaneverputinthepilloryforacapitalcrime?"
　　"No."
　　"Isitrighttocondemnamantoaslightpunishmentforasmalloffenseandthenkillhim?"
　　Therewasnoanswer.Ihadscoredmyfirstpoint!Forthefirsttime,thesmithwasn'tupandready.Thecompanynoticedit.Goodeffect.
　　"Youdon'tanswer,brother.Youwereabouttoglorifythepilloryawhileago,andshedsomepityonafutureagethatisn'tgoingtouseit.
　　Ithinkthepilloryoughttobeabolished.Whatusuallyhappenswhenapoorfellowisputinthepilloryforsomelittleoffensethatdidn'tamounttoanythingintheworld?Themobtrytohavesomefunwithhim,don'tthey?"
　　"Yes."
　　"Theybeginbycloddinghim;andtheylaughthemselvestopiecestoseehimtrytododgeoneclodandgethitwithanother?"
　　"Yes."
　　"Thentheythrowdeadcatsathim,don'tthey?"
　　"Yes."
　　"Well,then,supposehehasafewpersonalenemiesinthatmobandhereandthereamanorawomanwithasecretgrudgeagainsthim——andsupposeespeciallythatheisunpopularinthecommunity,forhispride,orhisprosperity,oronethingoranother——stonesandbrickstaketheplaceofclodsandcatspresently,don'tthey?"
　　"Thereisnodoubtofit."
　　"Asaruleheiscrippledforlife,isn'the?——jawsbroken,teethsmashedout?——orlegsmutilated,gangrened,presentlycutoff?——oraneyeknockedout,maybebotheyes?"
　　"Itistrue,Godknowethit."
　　"AndifheisunpopularhecandependonDYING,rightthereinthestocks,can'the?"
　　"Hesurelycan!Onemaynotdenyit."
　　"ItakeitnoneofYOUareunpopular——byreasonofprideorinsolence,orconspicuousprosperity,oranyofthosethingsthatexciteenvyandmaliceamongthebasescumofavillage?YOUwouldn'tthinkitmuchofarisktotakeachanceinthestocks?"
　　Dowleywinced,visibly.Ijudgedhewashit.Buthedidn'tbetrayitbyanyspokenword.Asfortheothers,theyspokeoutplainly,andwithstrongfeeling.Theysaidtheyhadseenenoughofthestockstoknowwhataman'schanceinthemwas,andtheywouldneverconsenttoenterthemiftheycouldcompromiseonaquickdeathbyhanging.
　　"Well,tochangethesubject——forIthinkI'veestablishedmypointthatthestocksoughttobeabolished.Ithinksomeofourlawsareprettyunfair.Forinstance,ifIdoathingwhichoughttodelivermetothestocks,andyouknowIdiditandyetkeepstillanddon'treportme,YOU
　　willgetthestocksifanybodyinformsonyou."
　　"Ah,butthatwouldserveyoubutright,"saidDowley,"foryouMUST
　　inform.Sosaiththelaw."
　　Theotherscoincided.
　　"Well,allright,letitgo,sinceyouvotemedown.Butthere'sonethingwhichcertainlyisn'tfair.Themagistratefixesamechanic'swageat1centaday,forinstance.Thelawsaysthatifanymastershallventure,evenunderutmostpressofbusiness,topayanythingOVERthatcentaday,evenforasingleday,heshallbebothfinedandpilloriedforit;andwhoeverknowshediditanddoesn'tinform,theyalsoshallbefinedandpilloried.Nowitseemstomeunfair,Dowley,andadeadlyperiltoallofus,thatbecauseyouthoughtlesslyconfessed,awhileago,thatwithinaweekyouhavepaidacentandfifteenmil——"
　　Oh,ItellYOUitwasasmasher!Yououghttohaveseenthemtogotopieces,thewholegang.IhadjustslippeduponpoorsmilingandcomplacentDowleysoniceandeasyandsoftly,thatheneversuspectedanythingwasgoingtohappentilltheblowcamecrashingdownandknockedhimalltorags.
　　Afineeffect.Infact,asfineasanyIeverproduced,withsolittletimetoworkitupin.
　　ButIsawinamomentthatIhadoverdonethethingalittle.Iwasexpectingtoscarethem,butIwasn'texpectingtoscarethemtodeath.
　　Theyweremightynearit,though.Youseetheyhadbeenawholelifetimelearningtoappreciatethepillory;andtohavethatthingstaringthemintheface,andeveryoneofthemdistinctlyatthemercyofme,astranger,ifIchosetogoandreport——well,itwasawful,andtheycouldn'tseemtorecoverfromtheshock,theycouldn'tseemtopullthemselvestogether.
　　Pale,shaky,dumb,pitiful?Why,theyweren'tanybetterthansomanydeadmen.Itwasveryuncomfortable.Ofcourse,Ithoughttheywouldappealtometokeepmum,andthenwewouldshakehands,andtakeadrinkallround,andlaughitoff,andthereanend.Butno;youseeIwasanunknownperson,amongacruellyoppressedandsuspiciouspeople,apeoplealwaysaccustomedtohavingadvantagetakenoftheirhelplessness,andneverexpectingjustorkindtreatmentfromanybuttheirownfamiliesandveryclosestintimates.AppealtoMEtobegentle,tobefair,tobegenerous?Ofcourse,theywantedto,buttheycouldn'tdare.
　　AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur'sCourt-Chapter34Chapter34-TheYankeeandtheKingSoldasSlavesWELL,whathadIbetterdo?Nothinginahurry,sure.Imustgetupadiversion;
　　anythingtoemploymewhileIcouldthink,andwhilethesepoorfellowscouldhaveachancetocometolifeagain.TheresatMarco,petrifiedintheactoftryingtogetthehangofhismiller-gun——turnedtostone,justintheattitudehewasinwhenmypile-driverfell,thetoystillgrippedinhisunconsciousfingers.SoItookitfromhimandproposedtoexplainitsmystery.Mystery!asimplelittlethinglikethat;andyetitwasmysteriousenough,forthatraceandthatage.
　　Ineversawsuchanawkwardpeople,withmachinery;yousee,theyweretotallyunusedtoit.Themiller-gunwasalittledouble-barreledtubeoftoughenedglass,withaneatlittletrickofaspringtoit,whichuponpressurewouldletashotescape.Buttheshotwouldn'thurtanybody,itwouldonlydropintoyourhand.Inthegunweretwosizes——weemustardseedshot,andanothersortthatwereseveraltimeslarger.Theyweremoney.
　　Themustard-seedshotrepresentedmilrays,thelargeronesmills.Sothegunwasapurse;andveryhandy,too;youcouldpayoutmoneyinthedarkwithit,withaccuracy;andyoucouldcarryitinyourmouth;orinyourvestpocket,ifyouhadone.Imadethemofseveralsizes——onesizesolargethatitwouldcarrytheequivalentofadollar.Usingshotformoneywasagoodthingforthegovernment;themetalcostnothing,andthemoneycouldn'tbecounterfeited,forIwastheonlypersoninthekingdomwhoknewhowtomanageashottower."Payingtheshot"sooncametobeacommonphrase.Yes,andIknewitwouldstillbepassingmen'slips,awaydowninthenineteenthcentury,yetnonewouldsuspecthowandwhenitoriginated.
　　Thekingjoinedus,aboutthistime,mightilyrefreshedbyhisnap,andfeelinggood.Anythingcouldmakemenervousnow,Iwassouneasy——
　　forourliveswereindanger;andsoitworriedmetodetectacomplacentsomethingintheking'seyewhichseemedtoindicatethathehadbeenloadinghimselfupforaperformanceofsomekindorother;confoundit,whymusthegoandchoosesuchatimeasthis?
　　Iwasright.Hebegan,straightoff,inthemostinnocentlyartful,andtransparent,andlubberlyway,toleaduptothesubjectofagriculture.
　　Thecoldsweatbrokeoutalloverme.Iwantedtowhisperinhisear,"Man,weareinawfuldanger!everymomentisworthaprincipalitytillwegetbackthesemen'sconfidence;DON'Twasteanyofthisgoldentime."ButofcourseIcouldn'tdoit.Whispertohim?Itwouldlookasifwewereconspiring.SoIhadtositthereandlookcalmandpleasantwhilethekingstoodoverthatdynamitemineandmoonedalongabouthisdamnedonionsandthings.Atfirstthetumultofmyownthoughts,summonedbythedanger-signalandswarmingtotherescuefromeveryquarterofmyskull,keptupsuchahurrahandconfusionandfifinganddrummingthatIcouldn'ttakeinaword;butpresentlywhenmymobofgatheringplansbegantocrystallizeandfallintopositionandformlineofbattle,asortoforderandquietensuedandIcaughttheboomoftheking'sbatteries,asifoutofremotedistance:
　　"——werenotthebestway,methinks,albeititisnottobedeniedthatauthoritiesdifferasconcerningthispoint,somecontendingthattheonionisbutanunwholesomeberrywhenstrickenearlyfromthetree——"
　　Theaudienceshowedsignsoflife,andsoughteachother'seyesinasurprisedandtroubledway.
　　"——whileasothersdoyetmaintain,withmuchshowofreason,thatthisisnotofnecessitythecase,instancingthatplumsandotherlikecerealsdobealwaysdugintheunripestate——"
　　Theaudienceexhibiteddistinctdistress;yes,andalsofear.
　　"——yetaretheyclearlywholesome,themoreespeciallywhenonedothassuagetheasperitiesoftheirnaturebyadmixtureofthetranquilizingjuiceofthewaywardcabbage——"
　　Thewildlightofterrorbegantoglowinthesemen'seyes,andoneofthemmuttered,"Thesebeerrors,everyone——Godhathsurelysmittenthemindofthisfarmer."Iwasinmiserableapprehension;Isatuponthorns.
　　"——andfurtherinstancingtheknowntruththatinthecaseofanimals,theyoung,whichmaybecalledthegreenfruitofthecreature,isthebetter,allconfessingthatwhenagoatisripe,hisfurdothheatandsoreengamehisflesh,thewhichdefect,takeninconnectionwithhisseveralrancidhabits,andfulsomeappetites,andgodlessattitudesofmind,andbiliousqualityofmorals——"
　　Theyroseandwentforhim!Withafierceshout,"Theonewouldbetrayus,theotherismad!Killthem!Killthem!"theyflungthemselvesuponus.Whatjoyflamedupintheking'seye!Hemightbelameinagriculture,butthiskindofthingwasjustinhisline.Hehadbeenfastinglong,hewashungryforafight.Hehittheblacksmithacrackunderthejawthatliftedhimclearoffhisfeetandstretchedhimflatonhisback.
　　"St.GeorgeforBritain!"andhedownedthewheelwright.Themasonwasbig,butIlaidhimoutlikenothing.Thethreegatheredthemselvesupandcameagain;wentdownagain;cameagain;andkeptonrepeatingthis,withnativeBritishpluck,untiltheywerebatteredtojelly,reelingwithexhaustion,andsoblindthattheycouldn'ttellusfromeachother;andyettheykeptrighton,hammeringawaywithwhatmightwasleftinthem.
　　Hammeringeachother——forwesteppedasideandlookedonwhiletheyrolled,andstruggled,andgouged,andpounded,andbit,withthestrictandwordlessattentiontobusinessofsomanybulldogs.Welookedonwithoutapprehension,fortheywerefastgettingpastabilitytogoforhelpagainstus,andthearenawasfarenoughfromthepublicroadtobesafefromintrusion.
　　Well,whiletheyweregraduallyplayingout,itsuddenlyoccurredtometowonderwhathadbecomeofMarco.Ilookedaround;hewasnowheretobeseen.Oh,butthiswasominous!Ipulledtheking'ssleeve,andweglidedawayandrushedforthehut.NoMarcothere,noPhyllisthere!Theyhadgonetotheroadforhelp,sure.Itoldthekingtogivehisheelswings,andIwouldexplainlater.Wemadegoodtimeacrosstheopenground,andaswedartedintotheshelterofthewoodIglancedbackandsawamobofexcitedpeasantsswarmintoview,withMarcoandhiswifeattheirhead.Theyweremakingaworldofnoise,butthatcouldn'thurtanybody;
　　thewoodwasdense,andassoonaswewerewellintoitsdepthswewouldtaketoatreeandletthemwhistle.Ah,butthencameanothersound——
　　dogs!Yes,thatwasquiteanothermatter.Itmagnifiedourcontract——
　　wemustfindrunningwater.
　　Wetorealongatagoodgait,andsoonleftthesoundsfarbehindandmodifiedtoamurmur.Westruckastreamanddartedintoit.Wewadedswiftlydownit,inthedimforestlight,forasmuchasthreehundredyards,andthencameacrossanoakwithagreatboughstickingoutoverthewater.
　　Weclimbeduponthisbough,andbegantoworkourwayalongittothebodyofthetree;nowwebegantohearthosesoundsmoreplainly;sothemobhadstruckourtrail.Forawhilethesoundsapproachedprettyfast.
　　Andthenforanotherwhiletheydidn't.Nodoubtthedogshadfoundtheplacewherewehadenteredthestream,andwerenowwaltzingupanddowntheshorestryingtopickupthetrailagain.
　　Whenweweresnuglylodgedinthetreeandcurtainedwithfoliage,thekingwassatisfied,butIwasdoubtful.Ibelievedwecouldcrawlalongabranchandgetintothenexttree,andIjudgeditworthwhiletotry.
　　Wetriedit,andmadeasuccessofit,thoughthekingslipped,atthejunction,andcamenearfailingtoconnect.Wegotcomfortablelodgmentandsatisfactoryconcealmentamongthefoliage,andthenwehadnothingtodobutlistentothehunt.
　　Presentlywehearditcoming——andcomingonthejump,too;yes,anddownbothsidesofthestream.Louder——louder——nextminuteitswelledswiftlyupintoaroarofshoutings,barkings,tramplings,andsweptbylikeacyclone.
　　"Iwasafraidthattheoverhangingbranchwouldsuggestsomethingtothem,"saidI,"butIdon'tmindthedisappointment.Come,myliege,itwerewellthatwemakegooduseofourtime.We'veflankedthem.Darkiscomingon,presently.Ifwecancrossthestreamandgetagoodstart,andborrowacoupleofhorsesfromsomebody'spasturetouseforafewhours,weshallbesafeenough."
　　Westarteddown,andgotnearlytothelowestlimb,whenweseemedtohearthehuntreturning.Westoppedtolisten.
　　"Yes,"saidI,"they'rebaffled,they'vegivenitup,they'reontheirwayhome.Wewillclimbbacktoourroostagain,andletthemgoby."
　　Soweclimbedback.Thekinglistenedamomentandsaid:
　　"Theystillsearch——Iwitthesign.Wedidbesttoabide."
　　Hewasright.HeknewmoreabouthuntingthanIdid.Thenoiseapproachedsteadily,butnotwitharush.Thekingsaid:
　　"Theyreasonthatwewereadvantagedbynoparlousstartofthem,andbeingonfootareasyetnomightywayfromwherewetookthewater."
　　"Yes,sire,thatisaboutit,Iamafraid,thoughIwashopingbetterthings."
　　Thenoisedrewnearerandnearer,andsoonthevanwasdriftingunderus,onbothsidesofthewater.Avoicecalledahaltfromtheotherbank,andsaid:
　　"Antheyweresominded,theycouldgettoyontreebythisbranchthatoverhangs,andyetnottouchground.Yewilldowelltosendamanupit."
　　"Marry,thatwewilldo!"
　　Iwasobligedtoadmiremycutenessinforeseeingthisverythingandswappingtreestobeatit.But,don'tyouknow,therearesomethingsthatcanbeatsmartnessandforesight?Awkwardnessandstupiditycan.Thebestswordsmanintheworlddoesn'tneedtofearthesecondbestswordsmanintheworld;no,thepersonforhimtobeafraidofissomeignorantantagonistwhohasneverhadaswordinhishandbefore;hedoesn'tdothethingheoughttodo,andsotheexpertisn'tpreparedforhim;hedoesthethingheoughtnottodo;andoftenitcatchestheexpertoutandendshimonthespot.Well,howcouldI,withallmygifts,makeanyvaluablepreparationagainstanear-sighted,cross-eyed,pudding-headedclownwhowouldaimhimselfatthewrongtreeandhittherightone?Andthatiswhathedid.
　　Hewentforthewrongtree,whichwas,ofcourse,therightonebymistake,anduphestarted.
　　Matterswereseriousnow.Weremainedstill,andawaiteddevelopments.
　　Thepeasanttoiledhisdifficultwayup.Thekingraisedhimselfupandstood;hemadealegready,andwhenthecomer'sheadarrivedinreachofittherewasadullthud,anddownwentthemanflounderingtotheground.
　　Therewasawildoutbreakofangerbelow,andthemobswarmedinfromallaround,andthereweweretreed,andprisoners.Anothermanstartedup;
　　thebridgingboughwasdetected,andavolunteerstartedupthetreethatfurnishedthebridge.ThekingorderedmetoplayHoratiusandkeepthebridge.Forawhiletheenemycamethickandfast;butnomatter,theheadmanofeachprocessionalwaysgotabuffetthatdislodgedhimassoonashecameinreach.Theking'sspiritsrose,hisjoywaslimitless.Hesaidthatifnothingoccurredtomartheprospectweshouldhaveabeautifulnight,foronthislineoftacticswecouldholdthetreeagainstthewholecountry-side.
　　However,themobsooncametothatconclusionthemselves;whereforetheycalledofftheassaultandbegantodebateotherplans.Theyhadnoweapons,buttherewereplentyofstones,andstonesmightanswer.Wehadnoobjections.Astonemightpossiblypenetratetousonceinawhile,butitwasn'tverylikely;wewerewellprotectedbyboughsandfoliage,andwerenotvisiblefromanygoodaimingpoint.Iftheywouldbutwastehalfanhourinstonethrowing,thedarkwouldcometoourhelp.Wewerefeelingverywellsatisfied.Wecouldsmile;almostlaugh.
　　Butwedidn't;whichwasjustaswell,forweshouldhavebeeninterrupted.
　　Beforethestoneshadbeenragingthroughtheleavesandbouncingfromtheboughsfifteenminutes,webegantonoticeasmell.Acoupleofsniffsofitwasenoughofanexplanation——itwassmoke!Ourgamewasupatlast.Werecognizedthat.Whensmokeinvitesyou,youhavetocome.Theyraisedtheirpileofdrybrushanddampweedshigherandhigher,andwhentheysawthethickcloudbegintorollupandsmotherthetree,theybrokeoutinastormofjoy-clamors.Igotenoughbreathtosay:
　　"Proceed,myliege;afteryouismanners."
　　Thekinggasped:
　　"Followmedown,andthenbackthyselfagainstonesideofthetrunk,andleavemetheother.Thenwillwefight.Leteachpilehisdeadaccordingtohisownfashionandtaste."
　　Thenhedescended,barkingandcoughing,andIfollowed.Istruckthegroundaninstantafterhim;wesprangtoourappointedplaces,andbegantogiveandtakewithallourmight.Thepowwowandracketwereprodigious;
　　itwasatempestofriotandconfusionandthick-fallingblows.Suddenlysomehorsementoreintothemidstofthecrowd,andavoiceshouted:
　　"Hold——oryearedeadmen!"
　　Howgooditsounded!Theownerofthevoiceboreallthemarksofagentleman:picturesqueandcostlyraiment,theaspectofcommand,ahardcountenance,withcomplexionandfeaturesmarredbydissipation.Themobfellhumblyback,likesomanyspaniels.Thegentlemaninspecteduscritically,thensaidsharplytothepeasants:
　　"Whatareyedoingtothesepeople?"
　　"Theybemadmen,worshipfulsir,thathavecomewanderingweknownotwhence,and——"
　　"Yeknownotwhence?Doyepretendyeknowthemnot?"
　　"Mosthonoredsir,wespeakbutthetruth.Theyarestrangersandunknowntoanyinthisregion;andtheybethemostviolentandbloodthirstymadmenthatever——"
　　"Peace!Yeknownotwhatyesay.Theyarenotmad.Whoareye?Andwhenceareye?Explain."
　　"Wearebutpeacefulstrangers,sir,"Isaid,"andtravelinguponourownconcerns.Wearefromafarcountry,andunacquaintedhere.Wehavepurposednoharm;andyetbutforyourbraveinterferenceandprotectionthesepeoplewouldhavekilledus.Asyouhavedivined,sir,wearenotmad;neitherareweviolentorbloodthirsty."
　　Thegentlemanturnedtohisretinueandsaidcalmly:"Lashmetheseanimalstotheirkennels!"
　　Themobvanishedinaninstant;andafterthemplungedthehorsemen,layingaboutthemwiththeirwhipsandpitilesslyridingdownsuchaswerewitlessenoughtokeeptheroadinsteadoftakingtothebush.Theshrieksandsupplicationspresentlydiedawayinthedistance,andsoonthehorsemenbegantostraggleback.Meantimethegentlemanhadbeenquestioningusmoreclosely,buthaddugnoparticularsoutofus.Wewerelavishofrecognitionoftheservicehewasdoingus,butwerevealednothingmorethanthatwewerefriendlessstrangersfromafarcountry.Whentheescortwereallreturned,thegentlemansaidtooneofhisservants:
　　"Bringtheled-horsesandmountthesepeople."
　　"Yes,mylord."
　　Wewereplacedtowardtherear,amongtheservants.Wetraveledprettyfast,andfinallydrewreinsometimeafterdarkataroadsideinnsometenortwelvemilesfromthesceneofourtroubles.Mylordwentimmediatelytohisroom,afterorderinghissupper,andwesawnomoreofhim.Atdawninthemorningwebreakfastedandmadereadytostart.
　　Mylord'schiefattendantsaunteredforwardatthatmomentwithindolentgrace,andsaid: