首页 >出版文学> A Book of Scoundrels>第5章
  ThusScotlandbecamealandofdread;themostrestlessmanwithinherbordershardlydaretravelbeyondhisbyre.Thelawwaspowerlessagainstthisindomitablescourge,andtherewardofathousandmarkswouldhavebeenofferedinvain,hadnotGilderoy'scrueltyestrangedhismistress.Thistraitress——PegCunninghamwashername——lessforavaricethaninrevengeformanyinsultsandinfidelities,atlastbetrayedhermaster.
  Havingdecoyedhimtoherhouse,sheadmittedfiftyarmedmen,andthusimaginedafullatonementforherunnumberedwrongs.
  ButGilderoywastriumphanttothelast.Instantlysuspectingthetreacheryofhismistress,heburstintoherbed-chamber,and,thatshemightnotenjoythepriceofblood,rippedherupwithahanger.Thenheturneddefiantuponthearmyarrayedagainsthim,andkilledeightmenbeforetheotherscapturedhim.
  Disarmedafteradesperatestruggle,hewasloadedwithchainsandcarriedtoEdinburgh,wherehewasstarvedforthreedays,andthenhangedwithouttheformalityofatrialonagibbet,thirtyfeethigh,setupintheGrassmarket.EventhenScotland'svengeancewasunsatisfied.Thebody,cutdownfromitsfirstgibbet,washunginchainsfortyfeetaboveLeithWalk,whereitcreakedandgibberedasawarningtoevildoersforhalfacentury,untilatlasttheinhabitantsofthatrespectablequarterpetitionedthatGilderoy'sbonesshouldceasetorattle,andthattheyshouldenjoythepeaceimpossibleforhisjinglingskeleton.
  Gilderoywasnodrawing-roomscoundrel,novillainofschoolgirlromance.Hefeltremorseaslittleashefeltfear,andtherewasnocrimefromwhosecommissionheshrank.Beforehisdeathheconfessedtothirty-sevenmurders,andbraggedthathehadlongsincelostcountofhisrobberiesandrapes.Somethingmustbeabatedforboastfulness.Butafteralldeductionthereremainsataleofcrimethatisunsurpassed.Hismostadmirablyartisticqualityishiscompleteconsistence.Hewasaruffianfinishedandrotund;hemadenoconcession,hebetrayednoweakness.Thoughheneverpreachedasermonagainstthehumanrace,hepractisedabrutalitywhichmighthaveproceededfromagospelofhate.Hesparedneitherfriendsnorrelatives,andhemurderedhisownmotherwithaslightaheartashesentastrangewidowofAberdeentoherdeath.Hisskillisundoubted,andheprovedbythedisciplineofhisbandthathewasnotwithoutsometalentofgeneralship.Butheowedmuchofhissuccesstohisphysicalstrength,andtothetemperament,whichneverknewthescandalofhesitancyordread.
  Abornmarauder,hedevotedhislifetohistrade;and,despitehistravelsinFranceandSpain,heenjoyedfewintervalsofmerriment.Eventhehumour,whichprovedhisredemption,wasasdourandgrimasScotlandcanfurnishathergrimmes:anddourest.Hereisaspecimenwillserveaswellasanother:threeofGilderoy'sganghadbeenhangedaccordingtothesentenceofacertainLordofSession,andtheChieftain,forhisownvengeanceandtheintimidationofjustice,resolveduponanexemplarypunishment.HewaylaidtheLordofSession,emptiedhispockets,killedhishorses,brokehiscoachinpieces,andhavingboundhislackeys,drownedtheminapond.Thiswasbutthepreludeofrevenge,forpresentlyandhereisthetouchofhumourhemadetheLordofSessionrideatdeadofnighttothegallows,whereonthethreemalefactorswerehanging.Onearmofthecrossbeamswasstilluntenanted.`Bymysoul,mon,'criedGilderoytotheLordofSession,`asthisgibbetisbuilttobreakpeople'scraigs,andisnotuniformwithoutanother,Imuste'enhangyouuponthevacantbeam.'AndstraightwaytheLordofSessionswunginthemoonlight,andGilderoyhadcrackedhisblackandsolemnjoke.
  ThissenseoffunisthesingletraitwhichrelievesthecolossalturpitudeofGilderoy.And,thoughevenhisturpitudewasmelodramaticinitslackofbalance,itisaunityofcharacterwhichisthefoundationofhisgreatness.Hewasnofumbler,ledawayfromhispurposebythefirstdiversion;hisambitionwasclearbeforehim,andheneverfellbelowit.HedefiedScotlandforfifteenyears,washangedsohighthathepassedintoaproverb,andthoughhishandsome,sinisterfacemighthavemadewomenhisslaves,hewasneverbetrayedbypassionorbyvirtue
  toanamiability.
  II
  SIXTEEN-STRINGJACK
  SIXTEEN-STRINGJACK
  THE`GreenPig'stoodinthesolitudeoftheNorthRoad.Itssimplefront,itsneatlybalancedwindows,curtainedwithwhite,gaveitanairofcomfortandtranquillity.Thesmokewhichcurledfromitshospitablechimneyspokeofwarmthandgoodfare.
  Topassitwastospurnthelastchanceofabottleformanyawearymile,andtheprudenttravellerwouldalwaysrestanhourbyitsamplefireside,orgossipwithitsfantastichostess.
  Now,thehostessofthelittleinnwasEllenRoach,friendandaccompliceofSixteen-StringJack,oncethemostfamouswomaninEngland,andstillafterawearystretchatBotanyBaythestrangestofcompanions,themostbuxomofspinsters.Herbeautywaselusiveeveninhertriumphantyouth,andmiddle-agehadneithersoftenedhertraitsnorrefinedherexpression.Herauburnhair,oncethegloryofCoventGarden,wasfadingtoawitheredgrey;shewasnevertallenoughtoendureanencroachingstoutnesswithequanimity;herdumpyfiguremadeyoumarvelatherpastsuccess;andhardshiphadfurrowedhercandidbrowintowrinkles.Butwhensheopenedherlipsshebecameinstantlyanimated.Withaglassbeforeheronthetable,shewouldprattlefranklyandengaginglyofthepast.Strangecitieshadsheseen;shehadfacedthedangersofanadventurouslifewithcalmnessandgoodtemper.AndyetBotanyBay,withitsattendanthorrors,wasalreadyfadingfromhermemory.Inimaginationshewasstillwithherincomparablehero,anditwashersolace,afterfifteenyears,tosingthepraiseandechotheperfectionsofSixteen-StringJack.
  `HowwellIremember,'shewouldmurmur,asthoughunconsciousofheraudience,`theunhappydaywhenJackRannwasfirstarrested.
  ItwasMay,andhecamebacktravel-stainedandwearyinthebrilliantdawn.Hehadstoppedaone-horseshaynearthenine-
  milestoneontheHounslowRoad——everywordofhisconfessionisburntintomybrain——andhadtakenawatchandahandfulofguineas.Iwasgladenoughofthemoney,fortherewasnopennyinthehouse,andpresentlyIsentthemaid-servanttomakethebestbargainshecouldwiththewatch.Butthesillyjade,bythesaddestofmishaps,tookthetrinketstraighttotheverymanwhomadeit,andhe,suspectingatheft,hadusbotharrested.
  EventhenJackmighthavebeensafe,hadnotthedevilpromptedmetospeakthetruth.Dismayedbythemagistrate,Iowned,wretchedwomanthatIwas,thatIhadreceivedthewatchfromRann,andintwohoursJackalsowasunderlockandkey.
  Yet,whenweweresentfortrialImadewhatamendsIcould.I
  declaredonoaththatIhadneverseenSixteen-StringJackinmylife;hisnamecametomylipsbyaccident;and,hectorastheywould,thelawyerscouldnotfrightenmetoanacknowledgment.
  MeanwhileJack'sownbehaviourwasgrand.IwastheproudestwomaninEnglandasIstoodbyhissideinthedock.WhenyoucomparedhimwithSirJohnFielding,youdidnotdoubtforaninstantwhichwasthefinergentleman.AndwhatadandywasmyJack!Thoughhecametheretoanswerforhislife,hewasallribbonsandfurbelows.Hisironsweretiedupwiththedaintiestbluebows,andinthebreastofhiscoathecarriedabundleofflowersaslargeasabirch-broom.Hisneckquiveredinthenoose,yethewasnevercowedtocivility.`Iknownomoreofthematterthanyoudo,'hecriedindignantly,`norhalfsomuchneither,'andifthemagistratehadnotbeenanill-manneredoaf,hewouldnothavedaredtodisbelievemytrue-heartedJack.Thattimeweescapedwithwholeskins;andoffwewent,afterdinner,toVauxhall,whereJackwasmorenoticedthanthefiercestofthebloods,andwherehefilledtheheartofGeorgeBarringtonwithenvy.Norwasheidle,despitehisrecentescape:hebroughtawaytwowatchesandthreepursesfromtheGarden,sothatournecessitieswereamplysupplied.Ah,IshouldhavebeenhappyinthosedaysifonlyJackhadbeenfaithful.Buthehadarovingeyeandajoyoustemperament;andthoughhelovedmebetterthananyofthebaggagestowhomhepaidcourt,hewouldnotvisitmesooftenasheshould.Why,oncehewashustledofftoBowStreetbecausethewatchcaughthimclimbinginatDollFrampton'swindow.Andshe,theshamelessminx,gothimoffbydeclaringinopencourtthatshewouldbeproudtoreceivehimwheneverhewoulddeigntoringatherbell.Thatisthepenaltyoflovingagreatman:youmustneedssharehisaffectionwithasetofunworthywenches.YetJackwasalwayskindtome,andI
  wasthechosencompanionofhispranks.
  `NevercanIforgetthesplendidfigurehecutthatdayatBagniggeWells.Wehaddrivendowninourcoach,andalltheworldmarvelledatourmagnificence.Jackwasbraveinascarletcoat,atambourwaistcoat,andwhitesilkstockings.Fromthekneesofhisbreechesstreamedthestringseightateach,whencehegothisname,andashepluckedoffhislace-hatthedinner-tableroseathim.Thatwasamomentworthlivingfor,andwhen,afterhisfirstbottle,Jackrattledtheglasses,anddeclaredhimselfahighwayman,thewholecompanyshuddered.
  ``But,myfriends,''quothhe,``to-dayIammakingholiday,sothatyouhavenaughttofear.''Whenthewine'sin,thewit'sout,andJackcouldneverstayhishandfromthebottle.Themorehedrank,themorehebragged,until,thoroughlyfuddled,helostaringfromhisfinger,andchargedthemiscreantsintheroomwithstealingit.``However,''hiccuppedhe,``'tisamerenothing,worthapaltryhundredpounds——lessthanalazyevening'swork.SoI'llletthetriflingtheftpass.''ButthecowardswerenotcontentwithJack'sgenerosity,andseizinguponhim,theythrusthimneckandcropthroughthewindow.Theywereseventeentoone,thecraven-heartedloons;andIcouldbutleavethemarksofmynailsonthecheekoftheforemost,andfollowmyherointotheyard,wherewetookcoach,anddrovesulkilybacktoCoventGarden.
  `Andyethewasnotalwaysinamadhumour;infact,Sixteen-
  StringJack,forallhisgaiety,wasaproud,melancholyman.
  Theshadowofthetreewasalwaysuponhim,andhewouldmakememiserablebytalkingofhiscertaindoom.``Ihaveahundredpoundsinmypocket,''hewouldsay;``Ishallspendthat,andthenIshan'tlastlong.''AndthoughIneverthoughthimserious,hisprophecycametrueenough.OnlyafewmonthsbeforetheendwehadvisitedTyburntogether.Withhisusualcarelessness,hepassedthelineofconstableswhowereonguard.
  ``Itisveryproper,''saidhe,inhisjauntiesttone,``thatI
  shouldbeaspectatoronthismelancholyoccasion.''Andthoughnoneofthedullardstookhisjest,theyinstantlymadewayforhim.FormyJackwasalwaysagentleman,thoughhewasbredtothestable,andhisbitterestenemycouldnothavedeniedthathewashandsome.Hisopencountenancewasashonestastheday,andthebrowncurlsoverhisforeheadweremoreelegantthanthesmartestwig.Whereverhewenttheworlddidhimhonour,andmanyatimemyvanitywassorelywounded.Iwasaprettygirl,mindyou,thoughmytravelshavenotimprovedmybeauty;andI
  hadmanyadmirersbeforeeverIpickedupJackRannatamasquerade.Why,therewasaTemplar,withtwothousandayear,whogavemeacarriageandservantswhileIstilllivedatthedressmaker'sinOxfordStreet,andIwasnotoutofmyteenswhentheoldJewinSt.MaryAxetookmeintokeeping.ButwhenJackwasby,Ihadnochanceofadmiration.Alltheeyeswereglueduponhim,andhispoordoxyhadtobecontentwithafurtivelookthrownoverastranger'sshoulder.AtBarnetraces,theyearbeforetheysentmeacrossthesea,wewerefollowedbyacrowdthelivelongday;andtrulyJack,inhisbluesatinwaistcoatlacedwithsilver,mighthavebeenapeer.Atanyrate,hehadnothisequalonthecourse,anditissmallwonderthatneverforamomentwerewelefttoourselves.
  `Buthappinessdoesnotlastforever;onlytoooftenweweregravelledforlackofmoney,andJack,findinghispurseempty,coulddonaughtelsethanhireahackneyandtaketotheroadagain,whileIusedtolieawakelisteningtothewatchman'sraucousvoice,andprayingGodtosendbackmywarriorrichandscatheless.Sotimesgrewmoreandmoredifficult.Jackwouldstayawholenightupontheheath,andcomehomewithanemptypocketorabeggarlyhalfcrown.Andtherewasnothing,afterashabbycoatthathehatedhalfsomuchasasheriff'sofficer.``Learnalessoninpoliteness,''hesaidtooneofthewretcheswhodraggedhimofftotheMarshalsea.``WhenSirJohnFielding'speoplecomeaftermetheyusemegenteelly;theyonlyholdupafinger,beckonme,andIfollowasquietlyasalamb.
  Butyoublusterandinsult,asthoughyouhadneverdealingswithgentlemen.''PoorJack,hewasofaproudstomach,andcouldnotabideinterference;yettheywouldneverlethimgofree.Andhewouldhavebeensohappyhadhebeenallowedhisownway.Topulloutarustypistolnowandagain,andtotakeapursefromatraveller——surelythesewereinnocentpleasures,andhenevermeanttohurtafellow-creature.Butforallhiskindnessofheart,forallhisloveofsplendourandfineclothes,theytookhimatlast.
  `Andthistime,too,itwasawatchwhichwasourruin.HowoftendidIwarnhim:``Jack,''Iwouldsay,``takeallthemoneyyoucan.Guineastellnotale.Butleavethewatchesintheirowners'fobs.''Alas!hedidnotheedmywords,andthelastmanheeverstoppedontheroadwasthatpompousrascal,Dr.
  Bell,thenchaplaintothePrincessAmelia.``Givemeyourmoney,''screamedJack,``andtakenonoticeorI'llblowyourbrainsout.''Andthedoctorgavehimallthathehad,themean-
  spiriteddevil-dodger,anditwasnomorethaneighteenpence.
  Nowwhatshouldamanofcouragedowitheighteenpence?SopoorJackwasforcedtoseizetheparson'swatchandtrinketsaswell,andthusitwasthatasecondtimewefacedtheBlindBeak.
  WhenJackbroughthomethewatch,Iwasseizedwithashudderingpresentiment,andIwouldhavegiventheworldtothrowitoutofthewindow.ButIcouldnotbeartoseehimpinchedwithhunger,andhehadalreadytossedthedoctor'seighteenpencetoabeggarwoman.SoItrudgedofftothepawnbroker's,togetwhatpriceI
  could,andIbethoughtmethatnonewouldknowmeforwhatIwassofarawayasOxfordStreet.Butthemonsterbehindthecounterhadaquicksuspicion,thoughIswearIlookedasinnocentasababe;hediscoveredtheownerofthewatch,andinfamouslyfollowedmetomyhouse.
  `Thenextdaywewerebotharrested,andoncemorewestoodinthehot,stiflingCourtoftheOldBailey.Jackwasradiantasever,theonespotofcolourandgaietyinthatclose,soddenatmosphere.WhenweweretakenfromBowStreetathousandpeopleformedourguardofhonour,andforamonthwewerethetwinwondersofLondon.Thelightestword,thefleetestsmileoftherenownedhighwayman,threwtheworldintoafitofexcitement,andaglimpseofRannwasworthaking'sransom.Icouldlookuponhimalldayfornothing!AndIknewwhatafeveroffearthrobbedbehindhismaskofhappycontempt.Yetbravelyheplayedthepartuntotheveryend.IfthetoastsofLondonweredeterminedtogazeathim,heassuredthemtheyshouldhaveapropersalvefortheireyes.Sohedressedhimselfasalight-heartedsportsman.Hiscoatandwaistcoatwereofpea-
  greencloth;hisbuckskinbreecheswerespotlesslynew,andalltrickedoutwiththefamousstrings;hishatwasboundroundwithsilvercords;andeventheushersoftheCourtweretouchedtocourtesy.Hewouldwhispertome,aswestoodinthedock,``Cheerup,mygirl.IhaveorderedthebestsupperthatCoventGardencanprovide,andwewillmakemerryto-nightwhenthisfoolisholdjudgehasdonehisduty.''Thesupperwasnevereaten.Throughthewearyafternoonwewaitedforacquittal.Theautumnsunsankinhopelessgloom.Thewretchedlampstwinkledthroughthejadedairofthecourt-house.InanhourIlivedathousandyearsofmisery,andwhenthesentencewasread,thewordscarriednosensetomywitheredbrain.ItwasonlyinmycellIrealisedthatIhadseenJackRannforthelasttime;thathispea-greencoatwouldproveafinalandineffaceablememory.
  `Alas!I,whohadneverbeenmarried,wasalreadyahempenwidow;
  butIwastoohopelesslyheartbrokenformylover'sfatetothinkofmyownpaltryhardship.Ineversawhimagain.TheytoldmethathesufferedatTyburnlikeaman,andthathecounteduponarescuetotheveryend.Theytoldmestillbitterernewstohearthattwodaysbeforehisdeathheentertainedsevenwomenatsupper,andwasinthewildesthumour.Thisalmostbrokemyheart;itwasaninfidelitycommittedontheothersideofthegrave.But,poorJack,hewasagoodlad,andlovedmemorethanthemall,thoughhenevercouldbefaithfultome.'Andthus,biddingthedrawerbringfreshglasses,EllenRoachwouldendherstory.Thoughshehadtolditahundredtimes,atthelastwordsatearalwayssparkledinhereye.Shelivedwithoutfriendandwithoutlover,faithfultothememoryofSixteen-
  StringJack,whoforherwastheonlyrealityintheworldofshades.Hermiddle-agewasasdistantasheryouth.Thedressmaker'sinOxfordStreetwasasvagueadreamastheinhospitableshoreofBotanyBay.Soshewaitedontoawearyeld,proudofthe`GreenPig's'well-orderedcomfort,prouderstillthatfortwoyearsshesharedthegloryofJackRann,andthatshedidnotdesertherhero,eveninhispunishment.
  III
  APARALLEL
  GILDEROYANDSIXTEEN-
  STRINGJACK
  APARALLEL
  GILDEROYANDSIXTEEN-STRINGJACK
  THEIRclosestparallelisthenotorietywhichdoggedthemfromtheverydayoftheirdeath.Each,forhisownexploits,wasthemostfamousmanofhistime,thefavouriteofbroadsides,theprimeherooftheballad-mongers.Andeachowedhisfameasmuchtogoodfortuneastomerit,sincebothwereexcelledintheirgenerationbymoreskilfulscoundrels.IfGilderoywasunsurpassedinbrutality,hefellimmeasurablybelowHindinartistryandwit,normayhebecomparedtosuchaccomplishedhighwaymenasMullSackortheGoldenFarmer.Hismethodwasnotelevatedbyatouchofthegrandstyle.Hestampedalltherulesoftheroadbeneathhiscontemptuousfoot,andcarednotwhatenormityhecommittedinhisquestforgold.Yet,thoughhelivedinthetrueAugustanage,heyieldedtonooneofhisrivalsingloriousrecognition.So,too,JackRann,oftheSixteenStrings,wasanearcontemporaryofGeorgeBarrington.
  Whilethatnimble-fingeredprigwasmakingabrilliantappearanceatVauxhall,andemptyingthepocketsofhisintimates,RannwasridingoverHounslowHeath,andflashinghispistolintheeyeofthewayfarer.TheveryyearinwhichJackdancedhislastjigatTyburn,BarringtonhadastonishedLondonbyafruitlessattempttostealPrinceOrloff'smiraculoussnuff-
  box.AndnotevenEllenRoachherselfwouldhavedaredtoassertthatRannwasBarrington'sequalinsleightofhand.ButRannholdshisownagainstthebestofhiscraft,withanimperishablename,whileahostofmoredistinguishedcracksmenareexcludedevenfromtheNewgateCalendar.
  Intruth,thereisonequalitywhichhasnaughttodowithartisticsupremacy;andinthisqualitybothRannandGilderoywererichbeyondtheirfellows.Theyknewnonebetterhowtoimposeupontheworld.Hadtheirdesertsbeenevenlessthantheywere,theywouldstillhavebeenbravelynotorious.Itisacommonsuperstitionthatthetalentforadvertisementhasbutatransitoryeffect,thattimesetsallmenintheirproperplaces.
  Nothingcanbemorefalse;forhewhohasoncedeclaredhimselfamongthegreatonesoftheearth,notonlyholdshispositionwhilehelives,butforcesanunreasoningadmirationuponthefuture.Thoughhedeclinesfromtheloftythrone,whereonhisownvanityandloveofpraisehavesethim,hestillstandsabovethemodestlevelwhichcontentsthegenuinelygreat.WhydoesEuripidesstillthrowashadowupontheworthierpoetsofhistime?Becausehehadthefacultyofdisplacement,becausehecouldcompeltheworldtoprofessaninterestnotonlyinhisworkbutinhimself.WhyisMichaelAngeloaloftierfigureinthehistoryofartthanDonatello,thesupremesculptorofhistime?BecauseDonatellohadnotthetemperwhichwouldbullyahundredpopes,andextractamagnificentadvertisementfromeachencounter.WhydoesShelleystillclaimalargershareoftheworld'sadmirationthanKeats,hisindubitablesuperior?BecauseShelleywasblessedorcursedwiththetrickofinterestingtheworldbytheaccidentsofhislife.
  SobyasimilarfacultyGilderoyandJackRannhavekeptthemselvesandtheirachievementsinthelightofday.Hadtheylivedinthenineteenthcenturytheymighthavebeenthevendorsofpatentpills,orthechairmenofbubblecompanies.Whatevertradetheyhadfollowed,theirnameswouldhavebeenoneveryhoarding,theirwareswouldhavebeenpuffedineveryjournal.
  Theyunderstoodtheartofpublicitybetterthananyoftheircontemporaries,andtheyarerememberednotbecausetheywerethebestthievesoftheirtime,butbecausetheyweredeterminedtointerestthepeopleintheirmisdeeds.Gilderoy'sbrutality,whichwasalwaystheatrical,ensuredaconstantremembrance,andtheloftygallowsaddedtohisrepute;whilethebrilliantinspirationofthestrings,whichdecoratedRann'sbreeches,wassufficienttoconquerdeath.HowshouldaherosinktooblivionwhohadchosenforhimselfsosplendidanameasSixteen-
  StringJack?
  Sofar,then,theirachievementisparallel.Andparallelalsoistheirtasteformelodrama.Eachemployedmeanstoogreatortooviolentfortheendinview.Gilderoyburnthousesandravishedwomen,whenhissoleobjectwastheacquisitionofmoney.Sixteen-StringJackterrifiedBagniggeWellswiththedreadfulannouncementthathewasahighwayman,whenhiskindly,stupidheartwouldhaveshrunkfromthesheddingofadropofblood.Sotheybothblusteredthroughtheworld,theoneindeed,theotherinword;andbothplayedtheirpartswithsolittlerefinementthattheyfrightenedthegroundlingstoatimidadmiration.Heretheresemblanceisatanend.IntheessentialsoftheirtradeGilderoywasaprofessional,Rannamereamateur.Theybothbullied;but,whileSixteen-StringJackwascontenttoshoutthreats,andpickuphalf-a-crown,Gilderoybreathedmurder,anddemandedavastransom.Onlyonceinhiscareerdidthe`disgracefulScotsman'becomegayanddebonair.
  Onlyoncedidherelaxthetensionofhisfrown,andpickpocketswiththelightnessandfreedomofagentleman.ItwasonhisvoyagetoFrancethatheforgothisoldpolicyofarsonandpillage,andtrulytheCourtoftheGreatKingwasnottheplaceforhisrapaciouscruelty.JackRann,ontheotherhand,wouldhavetakenlifeasaprolongedjest,ifSirJohnFieldingandthesheriffshadnotcheckedhismirth.Hewasbutabunglerontheroad,withnomoreresourcethanhemighthavelearnedfromthecommonchap-book,orfromthedyingspeeches,hawkedinNewgateStreet.Buthehadafinetalentformerriment;helovednothingsowellasasmartcoatandaprettywoman.Thievingwasnopassionwithhim,butanecessity.HowcouldhedanceatamasqueradeorcourthisEllenwithanemptypocket?Sohetooktotheroadasthesoleprofessionofanidleman,andhebulliedhiswayfromHounslowtoEppinginsheerlightnessofheart.
  Afterall,torobDr.Bellofeighteenpencewastheworkofasimpleton.Itwasaveryprettytastewhichexpresseditselfinapea-greencoatanddeathlessstrings;andRannwillkeepposterity'srespectratherfortheaccessoriesofhisartthanfortheartitself.Ontheotherhand,youcannotimagineGilderoyhabitedotherwisethaninblack;youcannotimaginethismonstrousmatricidetakingpleasureinthesmallereleganciesoflife.Fromfirsttolasthewasthesternandbeetle-browedmarauder,whowouldhavedespisedthefripperyofSixteen-StringJackasvehementlyashissuddenappearancewouldhavefrightenedthefoppishloverofEllenRoach.
  Theirconductwithwomenissufficientindexoftheircharacter.
  JackRannwastoogeneralaloverforfidelity.Buthewasamiable,eveninhisunfaithfulness;hewontheundyingaffectionofhisEllen;heneverstoodinthedockwithoutanosegaytiedupbyfairandnimblefingers;hewasattendedtoTyburnbyabevyofdistinguishedadmirers.Gilderoy,ontheotherhand,approachedwomeninaspiritofviolence.HisSadictemperdrovehimtokillthosewhomheaffectedtolove.Andhiscrueltywasamplyrepaid.WhileEllenRoachperjuredherselftosavethelover,towhosememorysheprofessedalifelongloyalty,itwasPegCunninghamwhowreakedhervengeanceinthebetrayalofGilderoy.Heremainedtruetohischaracter,whenherippedupthebellyofhisbetrayer.Thiswastheclosingactofhislife.
  Rann,also,wasconsistent,eventothegallows.Thenightbeforehisdeathheentertainedsevenwomenatsupper,andoutlaughedthemall.Thecontrastisnotsoviolentasitappears.Theoneactismelodrama,theotherfarce.Andwhatisfarce,butmelodramainahappiershape?
  THOMASPURENEY
  THOMASPURENEY
  THOMASPURENEY,ArchbishopamongOrdinaries,livedandpreachedintheheydayofNewgate.HiswasthegoodfortunetowitnessSheppard'sencounterwiththetopsman,andtoshrivethebatteredsoulofJonathanWild.Nordidhefalloneinchbelowhisopportunity.DesignedbyProvidencetoadministerafinalconsolationtotheevil-doer,hepermittednofalseambitiontodistracthistalent.Assomemenarebornforthegallows,sohewasborntothumpthecushionofaprisonpulpit;andhispeculiaraptitudewasrevealedtohimbeforehehadtimetospendhisstrengthinmistakenendeavour.
  Forthirtyyearshissquat,stoutfigurewasamiablyfamiliartoallsuchasenjoyedtheLibertiesoftheJug.Forthirtyyearshismottlednoseandtherubicundityofhischeeksweretheineffaceableensignsofhisintemperance.Yettherewasagrimyhumourinhisforbiddingaspect.Thefustyblackcoat,whichsatilluponhisshamblingframe,wasallbesmirchedwithspilledsnuff,andtheleesofathousandquartpots.Thebandsofhisprofessionwereeverawryuponatatteredshirt.Hisancientwigscattereddustandpowderashewent,whileasinglebuckleofsometawdrymetalgavealookofodditytohisclumsy,slipshodfeet.Acaricatureofaman,heambledandchuckledandseizedtheeasypleasureswithinhisreach.Therewasneverasummer'sdaybuthecaughtuponhisbrowthefewfaintgleamsofsunlightthatpenetratedthegloomyyard.Hourafterhourhewouldsit,hisshortfingershardlylinkedacrosshisbelly,drinkinghiscupofale,andpuffingatahalf-extinguishedtobacco-pipe.Meanwhilehewouldreflectuponthosetriumphsoforatorywhichwerehissupremedelight.IfitfellonaMondaythathetooktheair,asmileofsatisfactionlituphisfat,loosefeatures,forstillheponderedtheeffectofyesterday'smasterpiece.OnSaturdaythegladexpectancyofto-morrowlenthimacertainjoyousdignity.Atothertimeshiseyelackedlustre,hisgesturebuoyancy,unlessindeedhewerecalledupontofollowthecarttoTyburn,ortocomposetheLastDyingSpeechofsomenotoriousmalefactor.
  Preachingwasthemasterpassionofhislife.Itwasthepulpitthatreconciledhimtoexilewithinagreatcity,andpersuadedhimtotheenjoymentofroguishcompany.Thosetherewerewhodeemedhiscareerunfortunate;butasenseoffitnessmighthavecheckedtheirpity,anditwasonlyinhishoursofmaudlinconfidencethattheReverendThomasconfessedtodisappointment.
  BornofrespectableparentsintheCountyofCambridgeshire,henurturedhisyouthupontheexploitsofJamesHindandtheGoldenFarmer.Hisboyishpleasurewastolieintheditch,whichboundedhisfather'sorchard,studyingthatnowforgottenmasterpiece,`There'snoJestlikeaTrueJest.'Thenitwasthathefelt`immortallongingsinhisblood.'Hewouldtaketotheroad,soheswore,andholduphisenemieslikeagentleman.
  Once,indeed,hewassurprisedbytheclergymanoftheparishinacttoescapefromtherectorywithtwovolumesofsermonsandasilverflagon.Thedivinewasmindedtospeakseriouslytohimconcerningthedreadfulsinofrobbery,andhavingstrengthenedhimwithtextsandgoodcounsel,tosendhimforthunpunished.
  `Thievingandcovetousness,'saidtheparson,`mustinevitablybringyoutothegallows.Ifyouwoulddieinyourbed,repentyouofyourevildoing,androbnomore.'TheexhortationwasnotlostuponPureney,who,chastenedinspirit,straightlyprevaileduponhisfathertoenterhimapensioneratCorpusChristiCollegeintheUniversityofCambridge,thatatthepropertimehemighttakeorders.
  AtCambridgehegatherednomoreknowledgethanwasnecessaryforhisprofession,andwastedsuchhoursasshouldhavebeengiventostudyindrinking,dicing,andevenlessreputablepleasures.
  Yetrepentancewasalwayseasy,andheacceptedhisfirstcuracy,atNewmarket,withabraveheartandagoodhopefulness.
  Fortunatewasthechoiceofthisearlycure.Hadhebeengentlyguidedattheoutset,whoknowsbuthemighthavelivedouthislifeinrespectableobscurity?ButNewmarketthen,asnow,wasatownofjollityanddissipation,andPureneyyieldedwithoutpersuasiontothepleasuresdeniedhiscloth.Therewaseverafiretoextinguishathisthroat,norcouldheveilhiswantoneyeatthesightofaprettywench.Againandagainthelustofpreachingurgedhimtorepent,yetheslidbackuponhispastgaiety,untilParsonPureneybecameabyword.DismissedfromNewmarketindisgrace,hewanderedthecountryupanddowninsearchofapulpit,butsoinfamousbecamethehabitofhislifethatonlyinprisoncouldhefindanaudiencefitandresponsive.
  And,inthenick,thechaplaincyofNewgatefellvacant.Herewastheoccasiontotemperdissipationwithpiety,toindulgethetwofoldambitionofhislife.Whatmatteredit,ifwithintheprisonwallshedippedhisnosemoredeeplyintothepunch-bowlthanbecameadivine?Therascalswouldbutrespecthimthemoreforhisprowess,andknitmorecloselythebondofsympathy.
  Besides,afterpreachingandpunchhebestlovedapenitent,andwhereintheworldcouldhefindsorichacropoferringsoulsripeforrepentanceasingaol?Henceforthhemightthreaten,bluster,andcajole.Ifamiabilityprovedfruitlesshewouldputcrueltytothetest,andterrifyhisvictimsbyaspiritedreferencetoHellandtothatBurningLaketheyweresosoontotraverse.Atlast,thoughthe,Ishallbesureofmyeffect,andtheprospectflatteredhisvanity.Intruth,hewonanimmediateandassuredsuccess.Likethecommonfileorcracksman,hefellintothehabitoftheplace,intriguingwithalltheclevernessofapractiseddiplomatist,andsettingonepartyagainsttheotherthathemightindueseasondecidethetrumperydispute.Thetrustedfriendofmanyadistinguishedprigandmurderer,hesointimatelymasteredtheslangandetiquetteoftheJug,thathewasappointedarbiterofallthosenicequestionsofhonourwhichagitatedthemorereputableamongthecross-coves.Butthesewerethediversionsofastrenuousmind,anditwasinthepulpitorintheclosetthattheReverendThomasPureneyrevealedhistruetalent.
  Astheruffianhadasenseofdrama,sohewasdeterminedthathiswordsshouldscaldandbitethepenitent.WhenthecondemnedpewwasfullofaSundayhishappinesswascomplete.Nowhisdeepchestwouldhurlsalvoonsalvoofplatitudesagainstthesounding-board;nowhisvoice,loweredtoawhisper,wouldcoaxthehopelessprisonerstopreparetheirsouls.Inaparoxysmoffeignedangerhewouldcrushthecushionwithhisclenchedfist,orleaningoverthepulpitsideasthoughtoapproachthenearertohisvictims,wouldrollacoldandbittereyeuponthem,asofacatwatchingcagedbirds.Onefamousgesturewasirresistible,andheneveremployeditbutsomepoorruffianfellsenselesstothefloor.Hisstumpyfingerswouldfixanooseofairroundsomeimaginedneck,andsodevoutlywasthepantomimestudiedthatyoualmostheardthecreakoftheretreatingcartasthephantomculpritwasturnedoff.Buthisconductinthepulpitwasduetonoferocityoftemperament.Hemerelyexercisedhislegitimatecraft.SolongasNewgatesuppliedhimwithanenforcedaudience,solongwouldhethunderandblusteratthewrongdoeraccordingtolawandthedictatesofhisconscience.
  Many,intruth,werehistriumphs,but,ashewouldmutterinhisgarrulousoldage,neverwashesosuccessfulasinthelastexhortationdeliveredtoMatthiasBrinsden.Now,MatthiasBrinsdenincontinentlymurderedhiswifebecausesheharbouredtooeageraloveofthebrandy-shop.Amodelhusband,hehadsparednopainsinhercorrection.Hehadfloggedherwithoutmercyandwithoutresult.Hisonedesignwastomakehiswifeobeyhim,which,astheScripturessay,allwivesshoulddo.Butthelustofbrandyovercamewifelyobedience,andBrinsden,hopingforthebest,wasconstrainedtocutaholeinherskull.
  Thenextdayshewasasimpudentasever,untilMatthiasroseyetmorefiercelyinhiswrath,andtheshrewperished.ThenwasThomasPureney'sopportunity,andtheSundayfollowingthemiscreant'scondemnationhedelivereduntohimandseventeenothermalefactorsthemovingdiscoursewhichherefollows:
  `Weshalltakeourtext,'gruffedtheOrdinary`FromoutthePsalms:``Bloodthirstyanddeceitfulmenshallnotliveouthalftheirdays.''Andfirstly,weshallexpoundtoyoutheheinoussinofmurder,whichisunlawful1accordingtotheNaturalLaws,2accordingtotheJewishLaw,3accordingtotheChristianLaw,proportionablystronger.ByNature'tisunlawfulas'tisinjuringSociety:as'tisrobbingGodofwhatisHisRightandProperty;as'tisdeprivingtheSlainofthesatisfactionofEating,Drinking,Talking,andtheLightoftheSun,whichitishisrighttoenjoy.Andespecially'tisunlawful,asitissendingaSoulnakedandunpreparedtoappearbeforeawrathfulandavengingDeitywithouttimetomakehisSoulcomposedlyortolistentothethoughtfulministrationsofonelikeourselvessoundlyversedinDivinity.BytheJewishLaw'tisforbidden,forisitnotwrittenGen.ix.6:
  ``WhosoeversheddethMan'sBlood,byManhisBloodshallbeshed''?AndifanEyebegivenforanEye,aToothforaTooth,howshalltheMurdererescapewithhisdishonouredLife?'TisfurtherforbiddenbytheChristianLawproportionablystronger.
  Butonthisheadwewouldspeaknoword,forwerenotyouall,O
  miserableSinners,bornnotintheDarknessofHeathendom,butintheburningLightofChristianEngland?